When I was younger, I attended several Christian camps and conferences, all at some point talking about singleness. I remember one conference called "Single's Conference" and the speaker who was a pastor spoke about being single and satisfied. I left the conference with his message, which he was essentially saying that no one should get into a relationship unless they have learnt to be single and satisfied. I accepted and agreed.
Do you have any friends where it seems like that they are never single? Or have you ever hear the sentence 'that gurl ah change man like panty?' It seems sometimes that persons are afraid to be alone. They always need someone to say I love you, buy gifts or make them feel wanted. I believe there is danger in entering a relationship without learning to be single and satisfied and here is why? A relationship is a great thing and can be very satisfying but it can also be very challenging. Dealing with relationship issues while trying to find yourself complicates the situation. Furthermore, when you are afraid to be alone, it may cause you to settle for things in a relationship even though you deserve better, stay in an abusive relationship or even messed up a great relationship.
Singleness might not be easy on certain days like your birthday, valentines or other holidays especially when you have friends who keep talking about their relationship, but it is essential that you learn to be satisfied with singleness. I loved being single, going out with the girls, talking about guys, dating and just enjoying my space. I learnt to look in the mirror and see my beauty instead of waiting to hear it from others. What persons think of me never matter because I learnt to know me. The handsome, popular no longer intimidated me. In fact I learnt most of the times, those popular ones tend to be dumb. When a guy approach me, he had to come good because I am no longer melted by beautiful words, but by a beautiful mind. I became more vigilant because I now know what I wanted and was looking for in a relationship. There are many benefits to be gained by singleness so Ladies, Pamper yourself, Enjoy your alone time, See your inner and outer beauty, Talk to yourself, Find yourself. Your aim is not to take over the world or rule. Read Proverbs 31. You are preparing yourself to become a virtuous woman. At the end, you need not say anything to anyone about who you are, they will see and they will talk and your spouse will be satisfied and happy to tell his friendss, what a good woman they have.
You made a very important point, about being able to enjoy being alone. I have been single most of my life, my first relationship was in college. I think the reason I got involved with the young man is that most of my friends had boyfriends, so I had to get a boyfriend too. Unfortunately, I was unhappy. I wasn't in love, I wanted out. I went into the relationship with the motives; someone to give me gifts and tell me how much he loves me. I was just afraid to be alone, in addition, I want to "fit in" . When I looked back on my life before relationships, I had fun with my girlfriends, and I enjoyed my "alone time". So, I think it is essential to just enjoy being single, as you mentioned in your blog "Pamper yourself, Enjoy your alone time, See your inner and outer beauty, Talk to yourself, and Find yourself." I truly believe those are things we MUST do in order experience the joy of "singleness".
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment and support. Too many of us women tried to fit in at some point in our lives because of the norm, and many of us look back with too many regrets. I hope by reading my posts and your comment persons will learn from our wrongs and take our advice in doing what can only be better for them.
DeleteNothing strange or worng with being single, sems like the apostle Paul was and what a blessing his singleness was to Christianity. If you decide on remaining single remember you can't have it both ways, single yes but hellooooo no sexxxxxx got ittttttt.
ReplyDeleteSome feel they could remain single and still get a little sex on the side and also choose to become parents to some pretty messed up kids sometimes and oft times its not their fault it is you who feel u want to be man and wife at the same time it does not work people... make your choice and stay within the lines.
True, but that is another aspect of singleness. There are people who actually chose to stay that with even though they are not nuns and yes they have so much more to give to God then, but I am also saying that before entering into a relationship a person should learnt to be single and satisfied. Accept who you are, Know who you are etc in that case you would have trashed out all your issues and baggages instead of taking them into a relationship to strain it. In addition, you may be better able to deal with certain types of abuse especially verbal abuse.
DeleteThought you would have endorsed my point on single and remaining pure
DeleteI did endorse when I said true meaning you are right by what you said. I believe if persons make up their minds to be single, they would remain that way without wanting any thing to do with sex. Most persons who get involved in sex are persons who I believe, never wanted to be single in the first place. They probably see nothing happening with them relationship wise and therefore say things like they are single and satisfied, they want to give themselves fully to God etc, whilst there is a lacking and a longing in themselves for someone of the opposite sex. So if a person truly want to be single and mean those things, then I believe that they should be and would be like Paul.
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