Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Keep Christ in your marriage and reduce divorce

It always baffled me why divorce is so high among Christian couples. When I got married, I found myself being super vigilant, looking for signs of things that might eventually build up and become so sour that we seek divorce. I make it a habit to express myself fully when I am happy or unhappy so that my husband would not have to read my mind. Mind you, there are times when I get so upset that I do not want to talk, but after a while I know I have to if I want to see changes and so I do. So why is divorce is so high among Christian couples? I think it is because we downplay and in many cases remove Jesus, the foundation on which our relationship is built. It can be one individual or both persons within the relationship who remove God, but whatever the case I can see where God can become absent and how it can eventually affect our relationship.

I love my husband and care deeply about him and I would like to believe that the feelings I had the day we started chatting, to our first kiss and eventually our marriage will last forever. Do we get upset with each other? Of course. There are some little things that can nag at you and as little as they are, if you are not vigilant, it can result in big argument. Simple things as to where you leave your shoe, the clothes you take off etc You see I think what we fail to realise as Christian couples is that we are ordinary humans, who have made a decision to come together and occupy one space. We may have things in common, but we still have different personality, which may clash from time to time. It doesn't matter how in love we are, a relationship Christian or non-Christian requires work.

What I think should be different for Christians is that we should be following the word of God and applying it  to our marriages. When you get angry, which often might happen, do not sin...Angry and Sin not. Denying self is important whether you are Christian or not, but where is this constantly taught? Is it not within the church, a call make to all believers? Well self is not only denied when it comes to the things of God, but is also important within relationship. So he is dead wrong and thinks he is right, but there is a need to make him pay? Well that desire is normal as a human but as a Christian, should you let it determine your next course of action? So often we do, we forget who we are in Christ. We get tired of him doing the same thing over and over and the devil find a way to play on our sinful nature until we find ourselves, no longer caring, but revengeful. Why shouldn't he put in the same effort too? Isn't he a Christian also? MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK!!! If we find ourselves concentrating on what the other partner should do, we might become so stress and then eventually lose our marriages. 

 I believe that if both partners are  Christian and commit themselves to doing his will then when problems and issues arise in the relationship, they will act accordingly. Argument would not be allowed to get so bad that curse words become involve. Do not think you are a super human because you call yourself Christian either. There would be things that you need to take to a counselor and seek help because you have tried, you have prayed, but one partner is just not changing or even understanding how it is affecting you. Before you allow yourself to become so bitter that your love turns to hate, seek help because as a Christian you are thought faith without works is dead and also to use wisdom in your actions. 

Christians, let us be wise in our relationship.  No one wants to marry the love of their life to divorce anytime after, whether short or long.

Sunday, 28 October 2012

My experience following Hurricane Sandy

Well when Sandy hit Jamaica, it was only a category 1 hurricane and thank God for that. The amount of damage I heard it has done is incredible and so my heart goes out to those in New York right now who is experiencing a greater magnitude of the hurricane. It is one thing to hear about hurricane but experiencing and seeing what it can do can affect anyone tremendously. Anyway, it came and it ended and it affected electricity for 4 days in my community...no light, no tv, no computer WHATTTTTTT!!!!

You will never know how much you have lean and depend on these things until you are without there use. I mean I almost went crazy. ME! who grow up with a family who knew how to enjoy the moonlight playing ring games and hide n seek...Yes, the days when we light we flambo and listen to all kind of jumbie stories, but today I have been so MODERNIZE that without electricity I felt like a fish out of water. How about you? What was it like?

Well I told myself, I am a country girl and creative. My husband and I pull out our scrabble., ludo and cards and night after night we play competitively. We even remember a game from primary school...Boys, Girls, Animal, Places, Things...You remember that? We play religiously under our candle light throughout the nights and you know what I realized? Sandy give us a chance to BOND. I never realize how much of our time is taken up with TV and computer until I sat there playing those games. 

We come from work each day and the first thing my husband does is turn on the TV  me... I turn on the computer and we will spend the rest of the night doing our own things, occasionally holding short bits of conversation in between. Yet, it is amazing how these things (TV, computers, game boys) can blind us to the big space that slowly builds up between couples, parents and children etc overtime. It is true that I also realized that I  don't want my husband 24/7 holding conversation. I need my ME time, but still in spite of the harm and destruction of Sandy, I see how it can bring families and even friends closer together. In fact, for the first time since my stay in Jamaica I enjoyed the moonlight even though it was not full. In the absence of electricity, I looked outside and saw the place bright so I decided to look further and my husband was like 'it's the moon.' We stood outside for a little and hugged under the magnificent beauty of nature God has created. I know the situation of Sandy is devastating for many, but I urge us to find time within this period to draw closer to each other and just have some fun in spite of your limited resources.

I would love to hear from you so feel free to leave a comment and share your thoughts or experiences. 

Tuesday, 16 October 2012

Yo remember the days...

Yo remember the days...
When yo only wear dark colour underwears because yo na want nobody see...
Now these days, it seems like all panties and bra resemble lingerie and now young and old girls want every body see,
So piece of the bra have to show out ah the clothes and they have style ah panty that can wear above the pants and yo know way we call that....STYLE! so even when the clothes see through and we can see yo pretty colour panty, who cares? Afterall, every  spoil is a style.

Yo remember the days...
When bitch was what it was BITCH... and when woman call woman that it was bad and when man call woman that it was BADDER...
Nowadays, yo hear girls saying to their friends What's up bitch and them say it na mean nothing and men telling them friends that she is his bitch and apparently it still na mean ntn...When did the bitch meaning change ah wonder? And what is this thing about exclusive rights to bitchyness so that you have persons who you allow to call you bitch, but when others try call you bitch yo vex? Wat ah piece ah irony!!!

Yo remember the days...
When yo couldn't walk off on your parents, yo couldn't shut door in ah no parents face because yo never own it, if you want to frown up when your parents talk and answer back, yo better do it when dem gone or else yo wudda eat the words yo want to say with the slap you wudda get in yo face...And we grow up straight, straight and well discipline
Well these days things na so...dem have all kind all laws telling parents not to hit child, even if yo spank yo pickney yo abuse them...me get licks but me never get abuse and me thank God fi it as me say...me come out straight, straight...But with all d laws dem that exist, d pickney dem na grateful that dem parents nah hit them, and instead ah ground dem and take way TV time and give them time out....Instead, dem ah slam door like dem build house and say who have rights to come in ah dem room and when, dem ah talk back to parents with dem rude tone and storm off, jump in ah car dem na buy and drive because they don't want to talk anymore...

Ah think ah wudda reach old age, with me back bend and me stick in me hand before me could talk about remember days, but lard the place ah change right in front  me eyes in ah small space ah time.

Saturday, 13 October 2012


How many persons look forward to the amount of sex you will have when you get married? For those who are currently married, are you living up to the standard you set? 

Sex is not a topic that people love to talk about openly. In fact, most prefer to suffer in unsatisfied silence than to get it out there and understandably so. Well, as most persons prefer to read and get their answers that ask questions, I see this article as warranted.

Some time ago, I had a conversation with a very good friend who believe that when she gets married, her sex life will be super active, given the waiting period she was under. It is a popular thought among women who are virgins and especially Christian women who are not fornicating. Somehow there is a great expectation and it is felt that you would never complain about lack of sex or unfulfilled sexual needs. You will hear about who would be sleeping in lingerie every night, the many positions or 'non-bed' sex that will be included etc...:) For those who got married, are you still doing it and if not, how long after you got married you stop? 

Quite recently, I realised that at times you can get so busy that you have to schedule sex. What do I mean? Well, it means that you and your spouse have to put a day or night on the calendar that is strictly for you and even though you can do whatever you please with it, sex is always a big part, given that the week before was busy and inactive sexually. Scheduled sex is similar to the sex that persons who are trying to get pregnant have as they have to gauge the period in which they body is ovulating. Is it always great or is it boring?

I think that will depend on the frequency with which schedule sex happens. I would advice to minimize it as much as possible. It can be exciting as one plans ahead, what they will wear, a few text messages during the day to get the mind in corrective mode and the blood pumping :), the massages, red wines, flowers etc etc, but doing this over and over and over again will feel just like how you felt when you read that line. I don't think anything beats spontaneous sex, that is, unplanned, unorganised sex that can take place in a bed, on the floor, in a couch or where ever else it meets you. Still, there are times our  lives will get busy, super busy and we cannot pretend that it hasn't. Still you cannot allow it to affect your intimacy and so you have to schedule your time together. My advice, don't let schedule sex take over your sex life, but whenever it must happen, be very creative. Furthermore, from time to time, knock yourself out with some spontaneity. Of course, you are going to sleep after given your tiredness, but it will be worth it.

Remember to like Talk to Jazzy on facebook and leave a comment whether positive or negative. Just keep it clean and be constructive in your criticism if there is any.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

Custody Battles: Think about the children!!!

I was watching a news event some night ago where they were talking about a popular basketball player who had sole custody of his children, while his ex-wife was very emotional about not seeing her kids in months. I know the news do not always carry factual statements, but I was a bit depressed from what they said. The ex-wife who had visiting rights, lost those rights when she returned HER CHILDREN late one evening. Whatever prior charges that was built against her during the custody battle were dropped after the battle was won by her husband. Another statement that captured my attention was from the ex-wife who alluded to the power of money in custody battles. 

I believe that custody is justified when a parent is abusive to his/her children, a misfit (probably an alcoholic, drug abuser etc) or any other thing that will cause harm to the children.  However, it is very upsetting when parents USE their children in hurting their ex-spouses, which is often the case. A child who often is too young to state their views and represent themselves, is dragged through a custody battle of their parents who once loved each other. How often do parents honestly consider their children in these battles? Should money really be a determining factor in giving sole custody to one parent or if a parent who only have visiting rights, reach late by mins, hours or even a day? Of course, I would expect them to inform the other parent about the delay so that they would not be worried. 

I think again of this basketball star and I asked myself, with him being on the field, travelling, training, gaming as often as they do, who stays with the kids? May be there is a babysitter whom he pays generously, given the type of job that he does, but who can replace the love and attention of a mother or father and if that mother has in no way harm or threaten to harm her kids and if he knows that she loves and cares for them, in spite of their differences, why can't she be the one to  take care of her kids?

Again, I say I do not know all the facts that surround that situation and apart from what was mentioned in the news, I cannot speak to all the underlying reasons surrounding him getting sole custody. However, in an effort to be objective, represent the voice of many of these children and challenge all those who are currently taking their children through these custody battles, I say to ALL, THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!!! In your sometimes selfish aims to fatten your bank account, make your ex burn or eat grass, do not do it at the expense of your children. As much as there are many single parents home out there and many single parents are doing well given their limited resources, I am quite certain that many children would prefer to have both parents in their lives, again, if they are not being abused or harm by them. No one parent CAN fulfill the role of both mother and father adequately, even if they try and though a baby sitter or a step parent can do a great job, they still CANNOT replace a mother's or father's love. 

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Saying I love you

Source: http://welovestyles.com/love-you/
Growing up, we never practice I love you among within our family. We know we loved each other, but we never said it. I have never heard my parents said it, nor my brothers, but we knew. I remember how strange it felt when my little sister said it, but I knew even though I loved her, when she said it, I grew more attached. I felt the need to protect her and to care even more.

At my wedding, I pay tribute to my mother who walked me down the aisle and it had me, her and many of my well wishers in tears. It was the first time, I was telling her how I appreciated what she had done through out my life and that I love her. Why was it so hard? I had spent my years showing her and many others how I felt. When I bought you a gift on those special days, send  you a card, hug you...when we laugh like there is no one else in the world, or my eyes lit up when I see you, don't you know that it is love, that I love you?

I found out, sadly in my adult years, that to show love and to say love bears a different weight. There is so much more to saying I love you than simply doing the things that express it. Don't get me wrong. It is a great thing to show someone that you love them, whether it is true a gift, a smile, a hug, but it is even better to look them in the eyes and say it. When I was younger, I wrote all that I could not say. I wrote short love stories, letters, but mostly poems and it felt great. But today, when I tell my husband or my nephew I love you and I hear it back, my heart is warmed and becomes tender and I feel so contented.

Do you ever notice in church, how easy it is to say I love you with the love of the Lord, but when it comes to your own family or even spouse, it is so hard? I remember my first boyfriend wanted me to say I love you so badly and how hard it was for me, not because I did not love him, but because I think he should know and be satisfied with my actions, and it was hard to get it out my mouth. I think I muster up the strength once to say it, but it was hard for me and difficult for him who wanted to hear it.

Today, it is my hope that we all try our best to express our love to our families, friends or spouse even though it might not be easy. Now, there are times we have to be careful to whom we say our I love you to, but that is another blog by itself. For you today, let you love be said to those who you have lasting relationship with, whether it be through family ties, marriage, or years of friendship. Say the I love you with the gifts and express with your lips, how you care and appreciate them.