Friday, 15 November 2013

From pregnancy to new born: My experience

Now I wished someone had told me all the things I might possible go through when i get pregnant so I can mentally and physically prepare myself, but no one did so I have decided to inform those who are preparing themselves for this. Now there might be some funny parts, but others are pretty serious, so take note.


Well I heard as soon as you get pregnant start using your olive oil, shea butter, palmer's cocoa butter etc on your belly, thighs and so on to prevent stretch mark. I started from day one and I use all three from time to time but mainly olive oil and guess you luck na have fi be fi me luck...with every tiger mark me see, me just tell meself, I want this baby no matter what it does to me. I watched my colour change from black too dark black even though I spent a lot of time in the house. Acne took over my neck, chest and back and me start to pray dem na touch me fi face, but dem manage to ease in. At about 12 weeks or so my navel shoot out and I know some persons whose navel never came out or came out late. Then I started getting big before I move to huge so much so that these were the things I found hard to do:

  • Look at my feet, wash dem and lotion dem. Sometimes had to ask the hussy. Even to get the underwear up to the knees, after which I can handle myself
  • Then I could not see my... or even shave it. I needed a mirror for one thing to ensure that it is still there and again hussy to assist me. Well funny enough, before going into the hospital, things got busy and so I had to try my shaving by myself because I did not want the nurse to do it. I shaved blindly at first then use the mirror and handle what I can see. Got to the hospital and guess what? The nurse still wanted to see to ensure I did a good job. Apparently, I didn't and a student nurse, a student nurse had to do it. Before long, I realised, as a woman you can't have no shame because everybody was seeing me. 
  • Sleeping was a huge issue. I needed the entire bed and still I could not get comfortable. At one point I wanted to sleep sit up.
  • Then there are these kicks in the weirdest places, like your anus....when I started to feel those along with contractions, I knew I couldn't push that child even if I was allowed to...lard, dem mek me scream and it wasn't the real thing.

At the hospital: 

Let us talk about giving birth the csetion way). We journeyed up to the hospital to be admitted. I thought it would have been smooth because I knew what to expect based on my surgery last year. When the anesthesiologist came to advice me, he told me that they were going to do a spinal epidural rather than general anesthesia because it was safer and recovery is faster, plus you get to see the baby as soon as she is born as you are wide awake through the entire procedure. Now he did not asked me if I wanted it, but based on what he said I accepted it and oh what an experience. Three different times they tried to do to the procedure (a needle going into your spinal area) and instead of my feet or lower body numbing, nothing except pain in my back area. It was at that point my surgeon asked how many times they intended to try before opting for the general anesthesia, but instead they respond that it was old fashioned and called in a consultant who got the job done. However, I felt like if life was leaving my body, I was throwing up and still had to answer questions while they touch me with ice at different part of my body. Eventually, I felt like myself, at least the upper half of my body and was able to talk while they cut me open and I was happy when I heard mini me cried. I was told no liquid or food until 6 hours after which i must drink as much as possible. Now I lost a lot of blood so much so that they were considering transfusion, but then after testing my haemoglobin levels, they decided on meds instead. However, the worse part of the procedure was 11 hours after the surgery I was not given even a glass of water. I begged nurse after nurses and everyone was busy. I felt like my throat was collapsing and told a nurse that, she said she needed to call the doctor to see if I can drink...she forgot to call him and when I saw her again, I requested water once more and was given one cup, which I finished in a drifty...asked for more she said too soon. Waited a little, asked again, she said they were moving me to the ward where I would stay until I am discharged and would get fluid there...Got there and spoke to the nurse who had no idea I should be given liquid and said to me "only water we have", to which I responded I would take any thing. Guess what? I became so severely dehydrated that I was experiencing terrible headaches from the epidural. I complained over and over until one nurse  asked if I was drinking pepsi...I said no one told me too. She said it helps with headaches from epidural and so I started on caffeine that I had stopped taken since I found out I had fibroid. Still the headache would not leave. I could not sit up or stand up and breastfeeding was hell so I become emotional not being able to take are of the little one. I complained again until another nurse said she would called the anesthesiologist. One eventually came who was not part of the surgery and treated me, but again whatever management regime, she placed me on was not followed strictly and so I was not getting any better. I saw the one who did the spinal on the ward one day and called him...upset of course. I asked how you said this was easier recovery and so he asked what happened and I explained. He treated me higher doses of everything and because I wanted to see so badly, I asked for something that would 'knock me out'. When I awoke I felt so much better and so the next day I begged to be discharged and I was. But guess what? At home, that very night, I asked my husband if he heard crickets chirping...he said yes, but as the night went on, I realised it could be thousands of crickets and then he stopped hearing, while i hearing thousands. I researched and realised I was experience tinnitus or ear ringing. I called my surgeon and he sent me back to the ward to be treated. I didnt take over night clothes because I did not intend to stay, but yet I was readmitted. I bawled till my eyes swell up, could not believe I was back there. My pressure went up and is still up today. I had to spent 3 extra days and the same nonsense with the nurses not managing me properly was happening. At one point, the nearly overdose me on voltaren. Here I was just given voltaren in my IV and then came a nurse with the tablets. I said miss, I just had voltaren, she said it is on the card that I should have the tablets. I felt lost now. The good thing is that the anesthesiologist who give me the voltaren through my IV came same time and said, 'what is it you giving no no...not until 11 tonight (it was mid day). She checked the chart and someone forgotten to write up that I had voltaren. I can go on and on, but I can stop here and tell you this, if you plan on a spinal epidural, make sure you consider all the risks. more thing, I have never felt so many needles in my life!!! A woman cannot be afraid of me ladies

The New Born:

Well baby Gabrielle came and of course we were all excited, but lard somebody should have given me some good heads up. The first time we got discharged, my body was fatigue and I was weak and just out of it. I thought it would have been a smooth night because in the hospital my Gabs was an angel. Hardly cried, but maybe it was the change of environment, I dont know. Every 3 hours she woke for feeding, but somehow the 3 hours seems like 5 mins. At one point, I fly up...apparently I was still in dreamland, but somewhere between there and in limbo. The child was crying on the top of her lungs and my husband brought her for breastfeeding. Again I was in limbo and even though I was trying to get the breast to her mouth, she seems not to be taking it or I wasn't getting it right and she continued to fuss. Hear my husband and I conversation...
Me: Raz we giving her the wrong milk ( my eyes still droopy with sleep)
Raz: Jaz, i don't understand what you are saying
Me: Is powder milk she getting (and getting frustrated to because how can't he understand)
Raz: Jaz I don't understand...what you mean

After awhile he realised and I did too that I was not fully awake lol (the next day we got a good laugh and my husband said, that was a night eh lol)

Then I did not know they have teeth...lard have have one good breast cause the other one was nyam off by my babies invisible teeth. Dem gum like stone, when she latch on, you haffi scream

Also you are between wanting to sleep and insomina...there were times I well want to sleep but could not and other times I am there the sleeping coming but there is my baby two shine eyes staring me like they saying... no rest for you tonight. Now I here typing this when I should be sleeping...but I promised and if I aint get it done now, don't know when. 

Then paranoid....yes I am. First child thing I guess. Every sound I jump up, when the baby get hiccups I am confuse and reach the point that sometimes I feel like I watchman or security guard, just staring at her in her play pen as she sleeps. I know why women go through this over and over in spite of all they go through. One day, I had to give a mosquito a stern piece of warning when he bit me...cause me know if he bite me pickney me ah go knock him out and his mother, father, aunts, cousins etc etc etc etc....

Have a great day all and thank you for your support, comments, warnings, encouraging words...much appreciated. :)

Friday, 30 August 2013

Yo can't change man!!!

Yesterday morning, I was washing some dishes when I over heard a very interesting conversation between my neighbours (two young men) and I wasn't eavesdropping....they couldn't care less who heard. What so interested about it? One of the young man in response to his friend's issue said that women always think they can change man, but they can't, to which the young man agree. The story:

He usually tell his ladies friends upfront that he is not the married type. So he was speaking to a girl, that he is interested in, about having a previous relationship with another woman, while cheating on that lady...According to him, the current girl didn't say anything  and he felt that means she is ok with his lifestyle because he was simply giving her a piece of his character (though his sister said he needs to change, but he is just not ready).  Now the present girl is now having issues with him (she went in a relationship with in spite of what she heard) and she knew from beginning how he stayed...To which is friend responded..."women always feel they can change man." Now isn't that interesting coming from the horse's mouth.

I reflected on my own dating life growing up and yes, they are right. Sometimes, we think that we can change man. The Christian who dates the unsaved, but figured some where down the line he will change because she can influence him and before you know it, you are the one changing (I have had my own experience with that). I have left relationships (there is one in particular because I was so in love), not because I did not love and really want to be with this guy, but because I realize I could not change him and he would not change for me and even though after the break up, time and other relationships passed between us, when we met it was obvious that we were still both attracted to each other, but I knew in my heart, it makes so sense to go back to him because he still has not changed and I could not live with him as he was. Was he such a bad guy, spite of the fact that he never remembers my birthday, hardly wanted to go out, I would have settled, but he was not a Christian, which for me is a big deal (maybe only other Christians will understand this).

Aren't there women out there who are in some sick, sad relationships, but hang on not only because of love but because of a blind hope that the man will change? In spite of what has happened between him and his ex, it must have have been something the ex did that cause him to butt/bun/horn/cheat on her, but with me he will be so different because I will just cheat him right, that is what we tell ourselves.....WAKE UP LADIES! 

There are some men out there, married and unmarried who cheat on their women because of their nature...the women are doing there very best and they have no reason and need no reason. You cannot change man. Only the man himself with the help of God can change. So if you are in a relationship.  my advice to you is to either accept your cheating man for who he is or move on. Do not stay in the relationship looking to change him if you know you found him and accept him like that from the beginning, you would only stress yourself. 

Friday, 26 July 2013

Is it a big deal if your spouse looks at another woman?
There is a lot of drama in relationships because one party makes their eyes go where they shouldn't. Many times, women get upset or maybe even angry if they caught their man looking at another woman. Should they be? I often asked myself.

 I think at times it is dependent on how secure you feel in the relationship. Depending on how secure you feel, it would not worry you if your spouse looks at another lady. Nevertheless, there are many women who have been cheated on and still remain with their boyfriends, some even go as far as marrying their cheating boyfriends and then expect miracles afterwards. Hence, they continue to live in a state of drama, worry and fear. If his eyes cross to the other side, they vex. I do not think they should be. If you are with a cheating man and you know that and in front of you or in your companionship he looks on another woman, to vex, to me is  waste of time. What do you expect from  a cheater? Some women will say have a little respect when they are around. To me, respect is bigger than that. Why sell yourself short to say, babes, please respect me when I am here and do not stare at women like that. Basically, you are saying, you can do it behind my back.

My major reason, however is what I have seen in my own experiences. On the beach, in the street and other places, there are times that I were the first to look on another woman, even before my husband looks, if he looks at all. I also at times point his attention to some of these ladies and start a discussion of having a daughter dress that sexy and going out in the street. There are some beautiful ladies out there, who are super sexy and some times, I look and in my head I say, her skin smooth eh, or her stomach flat eh or wow, those clothes look hot on her.  Can you blame the man for looking? If as a straight woman, they make me look, isn't the man human too? Does looking mean that you want to get in bed? 

I am convinced though that some women's dress in a way to make any weak man fall, some of these weak men even rape and I am not in any way saying that the men have a right to rape woman who dress provocatively and look hot. I am simply saying that there are some already messed up men out there that if you help them a long with your provocative dressing, they will rape you... that's how sexy a lot of women are. They make other women look, they make strong men look, weak men look, pastors look, politician look and at the end of the day we are all human, just looking. It doesn't have to mean a thing... not lust, the need to get closer, nothing. Can 'just looking' be helped when a sexy looking person cross your pathway?

Wednesday, 3 July 2013

To be cheated on by your Christian spouse...

It is not easy falling in love and getting married, only to live a life with a man or woman who is cheating, especially if that person is suppose to be a Christian. As Christians at times, when two non-Christians get married or one Christian and a non-Christian and  the non-Christian cheats, we say things like what you expect, he/she needs the Lord, they should have seen it coming etc However, when it is two Christians and one cheats, we are lost for words, or say, he/she was never saved. Still my focus is not on the cheating, but what happens after, how it affects the other partner.

It seems that some Christian ladies and males become so distraught when their Christian spouses cheat that it shakes their very own Christianity. Some end up backsliding and I wonder why. Is it because they want to remarry and their church is against divorce? Is it that the core of their relationship with Christ was dependent on their relationship with their spouse? Is it that they are so angry and bitter against their spouse that to go to church and remain in Christ creates extra stress because they cannot forgive or don't want to? Is it the need for sex? There could be so many reasons and one can even understand some of the reasons, but is the lost of one relationship with their spouse worth the lost of their relationship with God?

Growing up in church, even when I was not a Christian or live a committed life, I knew that I wanted a husband who was a Christian. I wanted a family that will go to church together and pray together. I did not want to leave my husband at home and I got that when I get married, but I also bear in mind that a human is a human and even when you have a beautiful relationship, disruptions sometimes take place that you did not foresee even when you thought you were most vigilant. Hence, an important part of my life was to make God the centre of attraction. I tell myself as sweet, loving and caring my husband is, I do not know what the future holds and although I want us to have a 'til death do us part' experience, it might not happen. Should my relationship ends before such time, God forbid, my prayer is find refuge in my true love, Christ, to draw close to him and get so wrapped up in him and his works that I will receive the healing of the heart that is needed to get over my spouse. I urge every married Christian couple to evaluate exactly where Christ is in their life in comparison to their spouse. You might think he is first, but when you start your evaluation, you realize Christ is second and should this be the case, the lost of a husband/wife may mean the lost of your relationship with Christ.

Monday, 24 June 2013

Don't drop Boaz to pick up Bozo!
When I was a little girl, I read the story about the dog and the bone...I am sure a lot of you remember it. The dog that look over the water with the bone in his mouth and in looking to get that bone, he drop the one in his mouth. I remember after reading it, many of us, thought how greedy and stupid that dog was to grab at the shadow when he had the real thing in his mouth (also the moral of the story). I live to see many women behave like that dog.

Have you ever heard any woman say, ohh I use to be with that guy... you look across to see a settled, handsome man walking with his wife and kids and so you couldn't resist asking, so what happened? To your amazement, at times, you hear statements such as he was too nice or too soft. I often wondered, how can a man be too nice, but I have lived to see some men who can fall in that category and to understand more of what we women look for in a men. For example, at times some women have a tendency to willfully do things to upset a man, just to hear them 'MAN UP' I guess, and say No!! We love the authoritative part of a man and though we do not want an abuser, we want a man who can control us to a degree. Well sad to say that in yearning for that, many have given up some great Boaz for some worthless Bozo and live to regret.

There are ladies who had reached the point of engagement and it ended not because of irreconcilable differences or any dramatic event, but because a Bozo shadow appears and you think he is better, only to realize you dropped the real thing. This Bozo just sweeten you up when you are with the man and show you some false colours and you figure, oh he is better and later on after you have given up your Boaz, the Bozo revealed his true colours packed with his many excuses and you are too shame to admit your mistake.... "Butt like rain" It is either stay and live in torment or leave, but too embarrass sometimes, many end up staying. Remember, there are some men out there, like women, who only want you when they see you with somebody else. Some even make bets that they can take you away. Once they get you for themselves, you move from looking great to looking mash up like hard time meeting you...Stress!

I would tell you this, marriage with a Boaz or a Bozo still requires a lot of work, but I am quite certain with a Bozo is more work, so which would you prefer to end up with, the man who is too nice or the worthless one?  Don't grab at the shadow ladies. Be careful how you go about making the decision to drop one bone for another...It might look sweeter and juicer, but later on you might  find out it is neither sweet nor juicy...Or maybe doesn't even exist for their are men who come after you at times, knowing they are with another woman and in the end you might choose to stand up and fight for that Bozo who put you in that position in the first place or leave empty-handed. 

A section of the story " The dog and his Reflection" states:
"If he had stopped to think he would have known better. But instead of thinking, he dropped his bone and sprang at the Dog in the river, only to find himself swimming for dear life to reach the shore. At last he managed to scramble out, and as he stood sadly thinking about the good bone he had lost, he realized what a stupid Dog he had been."

Friday, 14 June 2013

How Women Treat Man? Man versus Dog
There are a lot of writings on the needs of the women, how they should be treated, where men go wrong etc etc, but many times we fail to write about the man themselves. Are they always treated fairly? When we make demands on what he is not doing for us, do we ever take time to focus on what we are not doing for him. In my own relationship, from time to time, I have to stop breathe and take in my man right in the midst of what he  not doing something that I asked him to do. I weigh out how I treat him and how he treats me and many times I find gaps and I see where he has tried and I know I must appreciate my good good man.

Well ladies, like us, the man them have feelings. We can't go around and talk them down with our girlfriends and sometimes even our boy friends who at times we end up with after they pretended that they are better. If you check out what you say at times, you would realize that most of the times, when you talk about your man is mainly negative. The fact that you are still with him says that he has some positives that you admire, let us focus on 'bigging' them up for that. There is no woman or man who can ever say I talk bad about my husband to them. Is it that we are perfect? Of course not, but I am certain that his positives outweigh his negatives and I see no need to complain and even if it was the opposite I would prefer to go a professional who can help that someone who just have ears to spare and a mouth to tell others the wrongs in my relationship and how bad my man may be treating me. I know there are times we may have good, trust worthy friends who can offer words of advice so with that I say be very careful who you talk to. If it is a case that you are looking for help, it might be better to seek professional help. Still, a lot of times women talk down men, they are not looking for help and the person listening just want the juicy details. 

Do not embarrass your man in public especially amongst his friends. What is wrong with you girlfriend? I am sure you have always heard about the BIG EGO. Well I believe every man has one and it can be bruised and when it is, you might not like their reaction. Some women believe that they are so hot, so sexy, so educated etc etc that the man should feel lucky to have them. So they say meet them for 5 and they should be there by 4:30. They should never ever have them waiting. Really now? Are you in a relationship or a competition to prove that your Lassy, the dog is most obedient? So at the end of the day, because the man move when you shout and do not hit you back when you slap him in front his friends, you feel like the boss. You have his friends calling him soft and you, yourself, might even leave him because he is too soft for you. What you fail to see is that you have a gentleman who loves you and another man would have 'buss'  and twist your face with a slap! Sadly, I say without condoning any action against women, sometimes we blame the man for treating a woman a particular way, without looking at how the woman has contributed to her own treatment. I see with my own eyes women embarrass men and I think to myself, that couldn't be my brother. It is good to respect your man and let his friends see that he has a good woman.

Finally ladies, we love the flowers, the romancing, the finer things, but unless you have a rich man, do not put holes in the man pocket. There are times that women want a man to give them so much and nothing cheap either, that they fail to realize that money can run out. Help the man budget. Be observant of the fact that he might own a car, but not a house and one day instead of living in a car, you would want to live in a house and to get a house, he must save. So your last birthday you might have gotten a gold chain or even diamond earrings, but this one you can only get some nice natural cosmetic jewelry, accept it and smile. Stop look at what your friend's man buy for her all the time; his pocket might be larger than your man's. Maybe he has a better job or richer parents. In a relationship,consider the thought behind the gift or the lack of gift. Know that he loves you regardless and yes I know some men stingy, but I am speaking generally here about a good man who cares, who wants to give, but cannot give all the time. 

Wednesday, 12 June 2013

Culture and Christianity: Is there an issue
I choose to write this blog now, as Vincy Carnival has already started on the island. Although the big mass is yet to come, rural carnival is taking place. Are Christians attending? I am sure of it. I choose not to put Christians in inverted commas because I am talking about persons who believe themselves to be born again at heart. Whether people want to debate who is true Christians or hypocrites is left up to them. I have found myself in a position where I choose not to call anyone who claims to be a Christian, a hypocrite. Rather, I seek to investigate and understand why others may call them such and how they view themselves or understand Christianity. I remind myself daily, that many of us, including myself, might have been referred to as a hypocrite by someone at some point in our lives because we do not uphold the standards held by others (normally those who proclaimed the hypocrisy) of who a Christian is. Instead, I recall my own level of understanding or lack of it that changes as I grow more and more in Christ. I watched what I participated in, how I dressed, how I speak and at what stage of my Christianity I was and I learnt a few things.

Culture plays a major role in how we as a people behave. I remember as when I was in college, I was riding in the car of my pastor with his wife to school and we were having a conversation. Somewhere in it, I remarked, what the hell am I hearing here? The pastor wife said, somewhat jokingly to ease the pressure off me, but at the same profoundly, Steve, here Jasmine cursing. I was shocked. Did I just curse in front of my pastor? Was the word hell as used really in the category of profanity and so I asked, is that cursing? I said that to say there are many of us who grow up with a language, which is very much cultural, that includes words like hell, darm and sh-t and we grow up saying these things, feeling nothing is wrong with them. Does it make us a hypocrite? Hmmm...I just think that at every stage of your Christian life, you Learn, you Grow, you Change.

So let us talk carnival. Is it culture? Should Christians be a part of it? It is a question to be answered individually by the persons who felt the need to attend, but let me give my opinion. I think that whilst it would be nice to be able to embrace ourselves in everything culturally, as a Christian we are or choose to become part of a new culture. I really do not think every aspect of carnival is bad. I for one love to listen to the social commentaries that comes out in the calypsoes,  and I also particular enjoy certain aspects of the queen show such as the talent and interview sections. I am not here to say that because I love them it is right, I am just saying that if I listen to love songs, then how is it wrong to listen to calypsonians singing about the economy etc and until such time that I learnt differently that is my opinion. Still, I am selective in what I choose to listen to.

Nevertheless, while carnival display the art of our people as shown by the costumes, their talent as shown by music and dance, it also promote and creates an atmosphere than the bible will describe as rivalry. There is a lot of drunkenness, promiscuity whether in behaviour or action leading to a lot of pregnancies at time etc. The things that take place during carnival goes beyond showing the art or culture of our country. Surely our culture is not one of drunkenness and immoral acts. So while some Christians will want to go and see certain aspects of a 'pure' culture, there is a general tendency to fall prey to other aspects that are unholy and against the principles of the bible. So I urge Christians, whatever stage you are in your Christianity, whatever your level of maturity, think it through thoroughly and ask yourself, what would Jesus desire? Is it really so important to you to go and watch the carnival festivities, even though it is not to dance as some would say, knowing that the world (who see you there) will have a bad report to give? And to say who cares what they say...Of course we must care, if we are the ones who are charged with taking the very word of God to the unbelievers. Finally, why live with the regrets of yesterday, when you could avoid them...if you are in two minds, CHOOSE GOD, HE NEVER FAILS. 

To all the Kingdom Life Tabernacle youths, who go on camp each year during this time...Big up yourself in accepting spiritual food during a time when worldly food is offered. This camp should be celebrating some how much years of anniversary, but I know its good. Initially, I attended to avoid the temptation of carnival and then I attended because of my spiritual experience year after year, especially during the day of fast. So have a great time with your brothers and sisters.

Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Individualizing You
It is a very sad state when persons do not have an identity of their own, but it is worse when their actions are often dependent on who they are around and what is taking place at that very moment. I have seen it a lot in schools, churches, relationships and other aspects of our society. So I choose the title " Individualizing You," not in an effort to underplay the role of the wider society at large, our friends and families, but rather to highlight the importance of knowing self. 

There are many people who are a part of relationships but do not know who they are. They cannot say no, even when they want to, because their actions are determine by what their friends say or what they spouse would do and ohhh how they do not want to lose him or her...they would do anything. Often, they remain in abusive relationship because they cannot see themselves outside of the shadow of their spouses. There are many men who sleep with girls and then get those very girls to sleep with their friends. You may wonder why would she make such a crippling decision...she might answered she loves him with little thought about how much he loves her. Is it that she doesn't care? No, rather, it is that she cares too much for him and too little for herself. She does not know her own worth. There is a lack of individuality or singular identity and her actions are determined by the crowd, leaving only a collective identity that is shaped and molded by whom she is around.

Even within the church, this lack of individualism is observed in the actions of persons, others would referred to as hypocrites. At times, these Christians are not hypocrites, but lack the individualism of determining who they are and what they want, rather than what others want for them. So today, they are in church serving God, singing and crying and lifting up holy hands. They are happy and contented because this is the life they desire, it feels right, but next week, they have found themselves at a picnic that turned into a party. They know something is not right, but in the flair of the moment, the friends they cherish and respect, they other 'christians' they see doing actions that seem contrary, but they feel are holier than they are so it can't be all that wrong, they let what should be a war against the enemy become an easy victory and so they join the party. Then they are invited to a next and the guilt and shame of saying no because they were just seen at another causes them to attend and before they know it, they are in a state where, even to attend church is a burden of guilt and shame, and instead of confessing, they choose the easy way out by pulling down church and church people to justify their actions, without even considering what God has to say.

To be an individual means to know self...Who am I, What is my purpose, What are my dreams, How much of my actions are me? Christianity is not about submitting to what church people including the pastor says, but to submit to what God says, so the question to be answered is Who am I in Christ? I believe when we have answered that, backsliding would not be an option regardless of the war we will face. Our lives would no longer be defined by what others tell us about the bible, the guilt trip that, shamefully, some pastors takes us during their sermons, but our own genuine love and relationship with God. 

To know you is to stop peer pressure in its tracks.
To know you is to accept the consequences of our decisions without casting blame on another
To know you is to live with little regrets. Just check how many of your regrets were influenced by another.
To know you is to be happy and contented with your life as you are living it.

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Thursday, 18 April 2013

Why I chose my man?

Hardly ever does someone marries their first love. Also in today's world you will find that a woman is not single because she has not been approach by any men, but rather, she was not approach by the RIGHT man. What is the right man?

I have gone through several different relationships in my life, fell in love and in most cases, without falling out of love the relationship ended because that man was not the right man for me. Do you know that you can still have feelings for a person, but just have to leave?

My goals in  relationship were the following:

  • A man who attracts me. I really need that chemistry, that allure, that sexiness etc etc Of course there are many men out there with it. In fact, it is found in a lot in 'bad' guys; the one who smokes, drinks, party hard, have a lot of women etc...No wonder so many women are caught up with them, but is it enough?
  • Secondly, I want a man who loves and have a relationship with God. Even when I wasn't living a right life and flirted a lot, I knew those 'relationships' were temporary because they were not my man of God.You might wonder, why didn't I mention it first. It is not because it is not the first thing I seek out, but because before a man approaches me, the first thing I notice is not how Christian he is, but how handsome he is. The Christian talk comes with conversation during the relationship, but the physical is the first thing you will see. I guess that is why sometimes Christian women get caught up with unsave men...they can't get pass that chemistry, huh?
  • I am attracted to quiet men, who do not talk a lot. Well if you know me, you would know that I have enough conversation for me and my man. I am very talkative. Don't know how it would go down with two 'chatter box' in a house. Still, it was not simply because I talk a lot, but I love the mystery behind a quiet man.
  • I love an ambitious man. Now I said ambitious and  not educated or even rich, not because I want a 'dumsy head', but because I have seen men who did not have it academically, who had a trade that they succeed in and who never settle for mediocre. I love to listen to progressive men, who looks to the future with a plan, not a man who is not sure when he will move out his parents house, highly dependent on them and have no intention of sorting out his own life as if he would be young forever or waiting for his parents to die to get the dead left.
  • Lastly, I want a man who I can trust. Now people may wonder how do you figure that one out and I cannot give a direct answer. For me I go with my gut. It is like this third sense. If a man is a cheater, I just get this feeling from beginning and know that this is not a relationship, might be a flirt, but not a relationship. I have no time or intention of listening to people or checking text messages, hiring Private Investigator or calling every minute to find out where you are at, who you are with, why you are home late etc. If I have any feeling at all that will cause me to be going crazy doing those things, I gone, that's the end of me and you. So with my husband, I live my life smoothly and with no worries. I am highly secure not because cheating is impossible, but because I trust him that much to believe he would not. Should he cheat, I would not know lest I see it with my own two big eyes and even then I might doubt what I see.
So there are men who have asked me why this guy and not me. If you check my short list above, you would realise you have failed at least one of my major pointers. My man is my man, not because he is perfect, but because he is perfect for me. 

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

Marriage is hard work, not just a simple romantic ride!

My husband and I recently became part of a couples ministry at our church and I must say it is fun and interesting. One day I listen to the pastor, who is married for over 25 years expressed how much work his wife and him put into their marriage just to ensure that it last, even though they love each other. He explained all the marriage sessions, workshops etc they attend just so that they can learn how to be creative and keep their marriage exciting.

There are many who think love can do it all by itself. They enter their marriages with no plans, but an idea that their love and actions during the relationship will take them through. I am sure there are many divorcees out there who will beg to differ. Marriage is hard work and unlike relationships outside of marriage you cannot simply walk away, not without fighting those legal battles. Why, however, think about your marriage ending, while you can be focusing on making it work?

When I got married, I said it was for the long run and I think we all say that, but I really do not believe in divorce and remarrying so it really has to go for the long run. Anyway, even though we don't curse and fight (really), we face obstacles from time to time and I get upset as I am sure he does at times, but again we never argue. What I do is look at MYSELF. That's the first thing. Many times persons can point out the many faults of their spouse but cannot name one that they have. Isn't that strange?  I really don't believe there is a perfect man/woman out there. Many times in looking at MYSELF I see where I am over reacting or where I have contributed, although there are times I am good to approach my other half and say it is all you. The thing is even though he doesn't say it, I think he looks into himself too, because one thing preventing us from arguing is that at the end we are man or woman enough to say we were wrong, we are sorry and move on.

What I am saying to you is what you (plural) want for your marriage is what you should be willing to work for. Don't have objectives and yet seek out miracles. Don't expect from your partner without first expecting from yourself. Do not become too overly focus on what your partner isn't doing right while failing to see what you are doing wrong. Set goals and try your best with whatever little or big resources you have to achieve them. Additionally, GET INVOLVE in marriage seminars, workshops, ministry etc. Enjoy your marriage.

Monday, 4 March 2013

If people talk you, maybe it is your fault!

There is  saying, you do good people will talk, you do bad people will talk. No matter what you do, people will always talk and I believe it to be true. However, there are times that  some people took to Facebook and twitter, text messages or other people to throw word to their gossipers, when they are talking the truth Not that I am saying, gossiping is right, but take a good look at yourself at times and ask...Why is my name always in people mouth?

Are you truly a good person, but they just want to attack your good name. Hmm, how often does that happen? Or is it that they observe you with some many different men or changing men like underwear, that they start calling you bad? It takes a real man to shut his mouth about whatever takes place between you, but there are some handsome bozo out there, that will be with you and at the end of every sexual encounter they talk. If you have passed through several of these bozos, just imagine how your name would be on the street. You do not have to be a bad girl. You only need to make the wrong choices. So before you take to twitter or Facebook to throw word to who you think talking you, take some time and do some self-examination. Come out of the stupid mentality that you are not going to change for anyone. If what they saying is true, then  you need to change, but it would be more for yourself than for others. 

Word of Advice: Use people talk as an indication for self-examination. They might just be wrong, and if so are the talk will soon die, but if they are right, it would spread like bush fire and then who would be called the whore/ slut/ sketel/bad gel etc?

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Your Man wants me...What is there to brag about?

There are some things I've heard that I simply don't get and one of those things is when another girl brag to another that their man wants them. It seems like there is a trend happening with some young girls. They don't want any man of their own, but they want a man who belongs to another and not for keeps either...simply for drama. Not only young girls, but big woman go after other people married man just for the thrill.

Girls breaking up other girls' relationship and women breaking up other women marriages. Who is to blame? Is it the men for falling prey to these reckless women or maybe knowingly and willfully getting involve with these women or is it the girls/women, who knowingly sleep with your man, just to hurt you? I am not talking about the women who are victims because they thought the man was single. No, I am talking about the ones who throw words for you and tell you what they do to or with your man, who laugh out every time they see you and if you are with your man, they might even want to come with words like sweetheart and honey and look to hug with no respect whatsoever to fact that you are there. They get a thrill out of knowing that you are hurt.

These situations may be very painful especially if you are deeply in love, but I have to ask, how good is a man if he wants another woman while being with you? And to the other women, what is there to brag about? I believe that what goes around comes around. One of these days, some of these girls will grow up with lots of regrets and they might look for healthy, faithful relationships, but get so much 'horn/butt/cheated upon' that they live a life of frustration and regret and who is to blame then...what you sow, you reap.

So girls' if you are unmarried, let the man go, obviously if he wants another women, he clearly does not respect you as you ought to be respected and his love obviously has limits. The other girl might be the one who throw the word, but is your man who has given her such power. If you are married, it is a complete different and more complicated situation. I cannot just say leave, for you have spent probably years building a life and children might be involved so for you, I recommend counselling.

Monday, 7 January 2013


If you ever visit Jamaica, you might be amazed and admire or be disgusted and intolerant of some Jamaican women. Certainly, if you are from a culture like mines, you will be culture shocked. You might be wondering what can be so intriguing or possibly disgusting about said Jamaican women...

The first time I travelled to downtown Kingston, I could not believe my eyes. I know it is not good to stare but could I help myself? From the technicolor wig and weave, to the long glued on eye lashes and constantly fading complexion to the long, bending fingernails and at times toe nails. This was topped of with short pants or leggings and fashionable  tops. They lined a particular street doing nails or hair, right there on the street. Was I amazed and mortified at the same time! What would possess a person to bleach themselves to redness so that their skin, especially on their cheeks is bruised? And what mothers would wear something so short so that their cellulite legs bounce from side to side and their 'bang belly' hang over their pants or shorts?  Yes, my initial reaction was filled with disgust.

Well I have spent over 5 years here and this is what I now see. A unique people with a unique culture. I might not agree with it or even like it, but I must respect it. Looking good is the order of the day. When you hear, 'gel yo sell off',' you know that person have done justice in the eyes of her beholder. They walk the streets and stores looking for their look good pants and look good tops. The music and lifestyle of the island supports the 'sell off' mentality. What may disgust me or you, is a unique culture of the ghetto people. Sure some might have gone too far and are cause for concern for health officials, especially with skin cancer, however, I see strong, brave independent women who have established their own identities by living outside the box of what may be deemed 'normal'. Whether they are fat or slim, black or brown or red, old or young,  these women have created an identity for themselves and remain with it in spite of all that is said. Unless we understand who they are and where they are from, we would only be judging from the standards of the norm our society has set for us and if we intend to help, we would get no where. 

Regardless of who a Jamaica is or where she is from, they take pride in their physical beauty. The only difference is while some have remained within the societal norms of what looks good, others have break free and have created their own. If you want to help those who have gone too far, try and understand them first, where are they from and why have they taken on this form of identity.