Thursday, 28 June 2012

A married man is a MARRIED MAN: Go get your own
When I was dating, I was approached on different occasions by men who were married and men who appeared single, but later I found out they are married. I remembered one time, this married man wanted to take me out, while his wife was enjoying her vacation in another country and I reminded him of his marriage and his response was he doesn't see anything wrong with having a little 'side-order' once it is kept between the two persons. I let him know nicely that I wasn't interested in becoming a side-order even though I chose my words carefully. When I looked back on that day, two things stood out. Firstly, he wasn't even aware that I knew him wife and knew her very well and secondly, Why should I settle for a side-order, when I can become a whole meal? Maybe I should have been blunt with him, maybe I should have rebuked him harshly for the audacity of him to even suggest to me such a thing, but knowing the position he held, I figured we would have crossed bridge in the professional world some point at and I didn't want to burn that bridge.

In spite of the different married men who tried, I told myself one thing. I am not going to blithe myself. Yes, I believe that getting involve with a married man can blithe you and since I wanted to get married one day and didn't want 'what goes around, come around' on me I choose to leave them at Jesus's feet. Now, I am not sure why people get involved with married men. Maybe it is the fact that apart from the sex, they are getting their basic needs met, given vacation and other valuable assets without the burden of cooking, washing and cleaning. Maybe it is the 'excitement' of being a 'bad' girl who can take away other people's married man. Maybe he is just too sexy and irresistible. Maybe you didn't know he was married and by the time you found out, you have already fallen in love. I do not know. What I do know is that he is married and there is a wife out there who probably looks/feels stressed because she is tired of the "horn, butt or bun" that her man is given her or there is a wife that is praying for her husband to come back to her. The funny thing is that these husbands in many cases, never leave their wives and if they are placed to choose, they often choose to remain with their wives. My question then is how do these men view you? Are you viewed as marriage materials or simply as sex objects? And if you know the answers, do you care?

Now I am married and I pray that God bless my relationship and protect my husband from the vipers out there. I have come to realise that while some married men go searching for other women, there are some 'other' women who go searching for married men and even when they are being ignored, they still force themselves on them. I pray that I never encounter such women since I have no intention putting my husband on a platter with two silver wares for them. If my husband should ever go looking, I would first start by evaluating myself to see what I have stopped doing or fail to do and I would seek to fix those, where possible. Ill encourage counselling (although sometimes the man is so far gone he is not interested in what the counselor have to say), but most of all I'll get on my knees and fast for my husband until God honour the words 'till death do us part."

Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Gossipers should be jailed.
In very different settings and time period, I played a game where there is a line of people and then one person is being told something and it is passed on from person to person in the line until the last person got the information and is asked to repeat it. I cannot remember the name of it, but I know that at the end, the message passed on changed tremendously and that is the lesson we were to learn.

Gossiping is a very serious issue, very much like perjury on a witness stand to me as it at times hurt very innocent people. There are some people who live to gossip and can never enter a conversation without using the words "Yo na hear..." (translate- "haven't you heard"). These people are to literally run from. Shout out your hello from a yonder and do not stop. I remember hearing a good friend of mines made this statement one time, "Take the gossip out of the conversation and there is nothing to talk about." So true for many people. These persons are generally persons with no life, nothing better to do and who quick to take out the 'nampy' out of other people eyes and didn't look in the mirror  to remove the set that are in theirs. The conversation never involves them, but is deeply embedded in other persons' business. It is not where you use a person's life as an example while discussing a possible social issue or problem. No! It is where you enjoying talking about and finding out the status about somebody and the information is for your own gratification. You have no intention of helping and your empathy, if present, is highly hypocritical.

Gossippers seem soulless at times. They end their conversations with "na (don't) say me say or you na hear it from me" with little to no regard at times to who would be affected. If someone told me that such person has been speaking negative of me or accusing me of something, I often approach the person and I hate to say "don't worry about that" when the asked who told me so. Why shouldn't I be able to call your name? If someone is going to tell me something and they do not want me to call their names and at times even suggest not to approach the person whom they have accused of saying negative things about me, I often say it is best you keep the information to yourself. What good is it to me then?  I can end up keeping someone malice, resenting them or cursing them based on information that I am not sure about. That it is also why it is important that if you should listen to a gossiper that you approach the other person by giving them the benefit of the doubt as there are two sides to a story.
Gossipers have resulted in the break-up of relationship between couples. I often say to people if someone is going to warn me about my husband, for example saying he is cheating, they better come with photos or concrete evidence. And I do not mean photos of him talking to a girl, he is allowed to talk to females, just like I am allow to freely talk to males and I do not want to hear how often you see him with a particular female. Mind your own business. I am not going to harass my husband based on gossip and hear-say. I trust him enough to know that I would stay in the dark and enjoy my marriage until I see the concrete evidence. 

The bible speaks out against gossip:

Proverbs 16:28 

A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.

Proverbs 20:19 

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.

1 Timothy 5:13 

Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.

Tuesday, 26 June 2012

A happy marriage: Everyone's desire

Whenever I hear people divorce in the early years of their marriage, I wonder what happen? Shouldn't they still be living in the bliss? Why did they get married? Was it pregnancy, were they both ready? Who force who? In the midst of all the questions, is my own desire for a happy marriage and so I explore the many things I can do to improve and maintain my happy marriage. These are some of my practices:

  • I do not believe in arguing and so whenever issues arise we talk. Now doesn't that sound fairy tale? Well although it is not easy, it is what we do. There are times I become upset with my husband and he would notice and might ask one question what is wrong? I might not answer because I am so upset and thinks he should know lol Personally, I feel God clamps down my mouth sometimes because the angrier I become, the less I speak and for those persons who know me, they would know that I chat a lot. Sometimes at that very moment, there is this questionable desire for him harass me into telling him what is wrong, so I can release how angry I am, but he does not. Instead, he waits until  I am somewhat cool and then he approaches again. By then, I am calm and ready to speak.
  • We practise the words "I am sorry". Not the one where you willfully and continuously do wrong and then you are quick to say I am sorry and expect it to end there. Always doing negative things and saying sorry, would eventually make your 'sorries' worthless. We might be talking about the problem, I feel my husband is wrong, he does not think so or the opposite, but at the end based on what was said, one of us is shown to be in the wrong. Whoever that person is, will use the words. Sometimes persons realize they are wrong, but still hold their ground because no one wants to be wrong. Do you know that there are some persons who never said I am sorry because they are never wrong? 
  • We do not have senseless argument for no make-up sex, neither do we fight up for an argument because our motto is, a relationship with no argument is boring. I also do not want to see how angry my husband can get and therefore force an argument on him and I am sure he feels the same. I am happy just the way we are and as along as it can stay that way, his angry side can remain a mystery to me.
  • I do not PRESSURE my husband to read my mind. I know there are things that we wish they can just get, but sometimes they are just blank and are not getting our subtle hints so for me I am going to talk. So if you pick up the socks twice with a frown on your face and had to do it a third time, clearly he does not understand you do not want them there. This in no way give you an opportunity to shout and loud him up about his dirty socks on the floor day after day, but to simply let him know how you feel. A husband who cares would understand and try to make things easier for you. Sometimes argument push them away, caused them to respond harshly and to spitefully continue. You would be amazed at what soft kind words with a smiling face can do.
  • If I feel like going out sometimes, I do not always wait for my husband to ask me out. I ask him out too and when I do, I date him...meaning I pay. Does he always have to pay even when you are the one who wants to show him a good time?
  • There are times I might wish for him to be more romantic. We would all love that to come naturally for every man. It doesn't unfortunately. We do not want to tell them to do this, that way because we don't want them to go back and do exactly what we ask, thus defeating the element of surprise and creativity. So for me, I try to be inventive and creative when it comes to things I do for him, especially on special dates like birthdays and anniversary. It is my hope that he will follow the example set lol, but if I notice he doesn't, again I talk. I do not say specifically what I want, but I use words such as surprise, creative, new, inexpensive. I know nice things cost money, but I express to him that I can appreciate a creative gift even if it is cheap. 
I believe both man and woman should remember and practise their vows from the beginning of their marriage. DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION! TIL DEATH DO US PART...that is how we all ended our vows.From early, the two of you should determine how far you will go for a happy marriage and how much you are willing to comprise and even sacrifice. Don't take it for granted that because you just got married, your marriage can run on the bliss from the wedding day with no further input. Sorry to burst your bubble. The fact that two different persons are now occupying one space (a home) means that the efforts to maintain a happy marriage starts from day one. 

Now this is for a couple who enter into a committed relationship with the same mindset. If you force the man/woman to marry you, accept the marriage proposal even though you know he/she was cheating on you just because of pregnancy or because you are marriage hungry then both of you would need some professional counselling and guidance. 

Sunday, 24 June 2012

Orgasm: Should it be real only for men and faked by women

Yesterday, I spent a relaxing day with my friend. In one of our many stimulating and intellectual conversations, we talked about divorce among Christian couples and how poor sexual relationships contribute to it. Although many Christian couples do not enter marriage as virgins, there are many who enter with  limited sexual relationships and many who refused to read and improve their knowledge so that they can have satisfying sexual relationships with each other. 

A part of our conversation was therefore about orgasm and particularly, women's orgasm because most of the time, men have no problem reaching a climax. When I returned home the evening, I started reading. It was amazing that a lot of women have sex out of obligation to their husband and marriage. Some have NEVER achieved an orgasm. Wow!!! I believe some do not even know what one feels like. Others faked it so that the man can stop. Others have become disappointed with their husbands as a result of constant dissatisfaction in sex. While some has divorced,  many have been unfaithful and others remain faithful but suffers internally. You can only imagine some women looking forward for there man to climax so he can get off them or how some call up the rescue word 'headache' so that they would not suffer another moment of boring sex. In addition to all this, is an inability to share with someone what you are going through or be able to talk with other Christian women about spicying up your sex life as, apart from the bed being undefiled, it seems that discussing these things is unholy or should be kept secretive, between the couple no matter how you may suffer. 

Well, let me talk freely about female orgasm. I have no intention of ever faking an orgasm because I do not want my husband to be left with the impression that he is doing something good unless he really is. Studies reveal that it takes the average women 15 to 40 minutes to orgasm. Men take note. It means that you may finish and the woman still want more or she might just be happy that you  are off. Do not think the length of time you stay on her, 'your stamina', is all that matters. When you are finished, what do you do to ensure that she achieves an orgasm? Do you ever stop focusing on yourself and pay attention only to satisfying her? Penetration sex  alone may not achieve orgasm. For many women orgasm lies in foreplay and others can only achieve clittorial orgasm. Also, for some women, you might need to talk to her, (not about the news), to keep her mind consistently on the sex. Throw away the shyness and tell her what you are going to or plan to do to her....Is there anything to stop you from doing this?
If you really want to please your wife, increase your knowledge...READ and TALK.

And Women, please talk also. Instead of focusing on whether or not he cannot finish now or FAKING what could have been a great orgasm, talk to your husband. Tell him what he is doing right or not doing right or where he should concentrate because in fondling around he might hit a nice area or he might just be wasting time at another. When you get married, he was not given a blueprint of all the spots that makes your horny and even with an experienced man, you are still uniquely different.

To end, this article...This is what I know an orgasm to be.  Furthermore, you may feel like every muscle contracting, something inside you want to explode and no matter how you try to stay quiet during sex, at that moment a shout comes from deep within and you just uncontrollably let it out. When you are finished, you would do just like the man, turn and sleep :) because of the level of energy that you just release. People divorce for all kind of reasons, I really do not think bad sex should be one. I also do no think no man or women should be in the marriage suffering from bad sexual relations. My advice...READ and TALK to each other and then TRY some new things. 

Fathers day gift from Beyonce to Jay-Z...

I just read an article about Beyonce giving her husband a $40MILLION JET for father's day. Wow!! I read the comments following the article and my mind became a jungle. Do I want to be come rich? Is that how rich people live? Would I live the same? A lot of the comments had to do with amount of poor and hungry people in the world and the ads on television stating how much a 15cents per day can do. Comments even alluded to Beyonce's Christianity, asking what will Jesus do while suggesting how much that money could have done. In response, someone stated Christians do the same thing, while another asked "Have you seen Billy Graham's pad?"

I look at my own life and my desire to become rich. Would I be willing to give greatly out of the abundance I have? Moreover would I be willing to give it all up so that all those who are suffering can have food on their tables and a place to lay their heads? When the rich, Christian/non-Christian, gives, what are their they feel that they are giving a lot, do they try to give a lot without affecting their luxurious living,   do they have an attitude of 'beggars are not choosers', is it with a humble heart and a contrite spirit or in an effort to grow in fame having their names advertise of the world saying they have given this much to the 'Third World Nation'? If the man who has only 2 bread give one and the one who has 10 give one because he is securing for the future, which gives better?

I look at my life again and I wondered, what would I do different? Do I deserve to be rich as Godly as I feel I am?

Friday, 22 June 2012

Why did you go to that person for advice?

Have you ever notice the persons we choose at times when we made or want to make certain decisions in our lives? Why do we often seek advice from the person who would support our wrongs?

  • You break up in your relationship and you speak to the person who never like your spouse or someone who have always told you to break up with them. Are you expecting good advice, really? 
  • A person on the verge of backsliding hardly ever speak to a Christian, instead he speaks to one who has also backsliden or persons who are no longer in church to gain support for the reasons he/she is backsliding. The reasons include the people in that church are hypocrites or feel they are better than everybody else. Funny enough these persons never choose to attend another church.
  • A young person never go to the one who told them they are too young to have a boyfriend and to study their books. No! They go to  their peers most times, who say things like "man gone and man dey" or willing to listen to who other girls the man was seen with or if he has a vehicle and buy her nice things.
I have often been in conversation where the person speaking really does not expect you to go against them. They want to hear they are right to embarass the man in front of his friends, to curse their relatives or put them in their place, to walk out of their children's lives and leave them to their father (his turn now), to skull school and go visit their boyfriend, to carry clothes in their bags to go out because their parents are not giving them any freedom and the list could go on. As soon as you try to show them the wrong in their 'right', you are no longer a good friend. It makes me wonder, what makes a friend good? Maybe you can help me here.

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Big man, really? All that is big about him is his age!!!

The problem I have with big men is when they start acting like little boys. In my years of dating, I dated guys both older and younger than me. Initially, I had issues dating guys younger. In my heart, I felt they were immature, irresponsible and just have what I deemed as a young boy mentality and so I stick to guys that were either my age or older. So when you date older men though, you have certain expectations; things you feel they should know, ways in which you think they should behave. The worst thing that can happen is finding a man who is only big in AGE, nothing else. Have you encounter such persons? You refuse from understanding their behaviour because you just do not think that at their age you should be teaching them or talking to them about things they should know. Now I am no longer dating, but I am observing and maybe it is only me, but sometimes I walk the street and look at some guys who were already big men (age wise) and I ask myself why doesn't he grow up. Who are these men?
  • The men who can only date school girls and so every year they look at school girls pass 'jail' age and when these graduate from high school or college, they no longer want them. They seek the new ones.
  • The men who, though they are in good jobs, all they have next to their names is a good looking vehicle and maybe some cash in the bank, still living with their mothers and seem to have this intention for the rest of their lives. No house and no preparations to build one, even when they are with you.
  • The men who seems to have a 'hen mentality'. Sit on the eggs, but when they are hatched, they disappeared. They have many kids, sometimes impregnating different girls at the same times and in spite of their inability or refusal to take care of the previous kids, they continue. No future goals.
  • At the University of the West Indies (Jamaica)- they guys who graduated so long, some of them cannot remember the years, but still hang around places like the Union after work, present at every freshers fete, drinking and talking nonsense, like babies clinging to their mothers, afraid to let go. 
  • And finally and it is my own personal bias... dress your age. I just hate see big men have on certain clothes, for example, blue and white sneakers with a blue hat, a blue t'shirt and a pencil foot jeans drop below his butt showing off vest and boxers and earring in both ears. Grow up!

Wednesday, 20 June 2012

Me Want Chicken

A man walked into a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant in Jamaica and "passed out" on the floor. People gathered around to help him by fanning and doing everything they could to help him regain conciousness. 

Someone peeled an orange and started squeezing the juice into his mouth, whereupon the man suddenly came back to life, pushed the person away and yelled, "Luk yah man! If me did want orange, me woulda fall down in 
de market."

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Knowing yourself before knowing a man: Man Pleasers vs Man Naggers

A lot of relationships fail today for many reasons, but I believe one is because of identity crisis. Examine  what the argument is about some of the times. Half the times we do not know who we are and therefore cannot tell what we want. We enter the relationship wanting what we see in another relationship or even what we see on T.V. That is the reason why sometimes we keep involving other people in a conversation that is suppose to be between you and your spouse.

Have you ever looked back on previous relationships and asked what were you thinking or state how you would have done things differently? I have. It was not about the attraction or how we feel about each other, but simply not knowing who we are. So sometimes we become 'man pleasers' or 'man naggers'; two serious dangers. 'Man Pleasers' are those women who cannot stand on their own two feet so much so that they look to the man for everything and put up with everything. They are usually the ones who are abused and cheated on, but they still see themselves as lucky to have the man or accept the abuse and unfaithfulness as normal.  "If he doesn't beat me, he doesn't love me." They develop their identity as time goes on through what the man says and would have them be. They cannot think for themselves or make themselves happy and they always have to be in a relationship. They do things not because they want to or feel it is right, but because they think the other person is happy or pleased by it. A lot of times these things are negative and include doing drugs, smoking, getting drunk, sexing with their spouse friends etc

 'Man Naggers' on the other hand, are constantly affected by people's talks and relationships and sometimes even fictional media activities. They come into the relationship with a romanticize version of what a relationship should be like, ready to act the part they should play. In doing so, the real you is removed to make place for the one that fits the relationship of your dreams. However, the man, who is often left out of what you feel should be, is constantly nag to do things this way and that way, to change this or to change that. Didn't you know who he is before entering the relationship? They at times appear as babies in the relationship constantly in need of pampering and eventually their voice becomes like a mosquito buzzing in the ears of their do this, baby do that, where were you last night, where are you going to night, am I fat, am I slim...over and over again. 

Only A Jamaican....

 There were three men from the Caribbean living together in London;  a Trinidadian, a Barbadian and a Jamaican who were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.  However, upon coming close to a posh restaurant they came up with a plan. 
          The Trinidadian went in first. After being seated he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal the waiter came by with the cheque. 
          "But I paid you!" the Trinidadian shouted. 
          The waiter was very confused as he could not remember being paid, but as he did not want to cause any trouble...he let the Trini leave. 
          Five minutes later the Barbadian walked into the restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine.  When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for food. 
          "But I paid you!" The Barbadian shouted. 
          This time the manager came and had to calm down the Bajan, and as he did not want anything to upset the other customers he let the Bajan go. 
          Ten minutes later the Jamaican walked in, sat down, lit a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu plus two Red Stripe beers.  After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal and before asking for it, the waiter said, "Sir... I have been having a sort of problem all day and I can't understand it. Other people like you came in earlier and ate and they said that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them, so........ 
          Before he could finish, the Jamaican chimed in loudly "Hear mi nuh boss, that ah fi yu problem...jus gimme mi change!" 

Sunday, 17 June 2012

Facebook Statuses: Watch what you say

I believe I can call myself a regular facebook user; I use it every day. I have been able to read the statuses of many of my friends, acquaintances and other people (even some I feel close to) who just add me for games and other reasons I do not know. I myself have written different statuses from time to time. For me, I tend to ask myself one main question before writing a status: How would it help those who are reading it? I guess that is why most of my statuses are Godly, but I have read some statuses, some of which, I wish didn't caught my eyes and I asked myself time after time, WHY. Are they for likes, for popularity, for comments or because of boredom, stupidity or insensitivity? There are other times the status seems like the persons is not sure who they are or what they want to do. I know everyone is their own man or woman and can do or say what they want. I have no quarrel with that, but it seems to me that if you can correct a wrong, do it. The person can take your advice or refuse, but at the end of the day you cannot say you didn't try. Here are some examples of statuses I have a problem with:

  • To the haters and 'bitches'- I think it takes a certain level of maturity to approach someone who you are having a problem with or put someone in their place, if that is what you want to do, on the phone or face to face or even through an email than to be sharing your business with the rest of the world to someone who might not even be in your friend list and so is not seeing or reading your statuses. Where are you getting the energy to waste on people you really don't care about? GROW UP!
  • The seemingly "unsure Christians'" Statuses- I love Christian statuses. I find them to be very uplifting, but when you claim to be a Christian and each day you want to encourage someone to follow God, be very careful what statuses you put up on your 'non-Godly' status days if I can put it that way or the pictures you display or are tagged in. There is no in between and don't even bother to say do not study my business, after all you did not keep it to yourself but place on a public social network. The 'F' note statuses or jokes cannot follow the Godly status. You cannot claim that you are a Christian, telling others about God (you are not keeping it to yourself) and then either have some half-naked picture on facebook or you bend over dancing with a man with your head to the ground. Be careful. You do not have to please me or anyone else, but is God pleased? YOU CANNOT SERVE GOD AND MAMMON!
  • Just writing a status saying that you are not studying "the ex, his new girlfriend etc" shows that they are on your mind. INVEST YOUR TIME IN YOUR FUTURE!
  • And finally the 'dirty word' statuses- Well there are some people who were bold faced enough to say if you do not like it, get off their page. Well most times I am on my page, but see the statues still just because of the way facebook is set up, but recently, I have found the way to hide story or simply unsubscribe from persons with those statuses. Still I am baffled. What is the reason for putting up these statuses?  Is it the avenue for blowing out or unwinding? I wonder if that was the intention of the developer when he asked, What is on your mind? Maybe it was, express yourself just as you feel with no sugar coating. It is still my hope though that we try to be selfless and think of all the young persons, some children, who are on these social networks and in our friend list and be mindful of the statuses we write. IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. 

Thursday, 14 June 2012

"Shacking up in a relationship: Are you for or against

I'll start by firmly stating that I am totally against and it has nothing to do with my Christianity, although I can put forward some good points why Christians should not shack up, but as many of the persons who shack- up are not Christians, the discussion is directed towards you.

I grew up in a common-law home (shack up) and majority of the families around me shack-up at some point and I hated it. I vow to myself that while I may have a visiting relationship (at that point I was not a Christian), I would not  shack-up  and even at that point marriage was not high on my list because I did not see much of it growing up.
These are my personal points against  shack-up :

  • If you both see each other as good enough to live in a house together why not good enough for marriage. Aren't you already doing every thing set out for married couples?
  • Many men are afraid of marriage or that level of commitment. In a shack-up relationship, they get very comfortable. They are getting their sex, their clothes wash, food on the table and the option of leaving you any time they want. Why spoil a 'good' thing? Many women in these relationships wait for years for the man to pop the question, instead they give them several children and then leave and married another woman.
  • At some point in  marriage, problems might come up, things might get boring. I believe with marriage persons put extra effort in working hard to maintain the relationship than with shack-up realationships. To me they are quicker to run and again there is nothing holding them to the level of commitment that marriage carries.
  • It seems to me with a marriage, men try harder to be committed and most of the times other women seeking out men stand a way off in seeing a married ring, than in a relationship that is seen as merely 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. You ever hear persons say, when they are told to leave people man "but he na marry she (he hasn't married her)"
  • I hate to hear big man and women already in their 40s talk about boyfriend and girlfriend and hear joke, they are not married so they cannot say husband/wife, although some, I think realising boyfriend and girlfriend is for young loves, use husband and wife. 

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Jamaican Men: Through the eyes of a foreigner

When I first came to Jamaica, my initial contact with a Jamaican man made me conclude that I will NEVER enter into a relationship with a Jamaican man. As time progressed, I stuck to my initial conclusion. I found them to be highly forward in their approach, leaving nothing to the imagination. I remembered the first guy who approached me, asked me if I had a boyfriend, when I responded yes, he stated that once I am not married, I am single. To me they were very full of themselves. I also saw them as unfaithful, searching to see what they can get from you before you return to your island or country. I made up mind no matter how I attractive they were, never a Jamaican.
Still there was something alluring about Jamaica men. Generally, they are well groomed and dress great; in fact some go as far as shaping their eye brows :) When you meet a handsome, well dressed Jamaica and he opens his mouth to address you and is able to cut back tremendously on the forwardness, he can become almost irresistible. Their accent is very strong and manly and it grabs your attention, even the 'magga' man can capture your attention simply by speaking. On this note, word of caution, do not blind date simply by a phone conversation with a Jamaican because what you hear might not add up to what you may see. Still if you add handsome,well dressed, and the accent (proper English or not), physically a lot of women may become attracted to Jamaicans because at the end of the day every woman wants a strong, dominant (not domineering) man in their life and the accent of a Jamaican does command respects.

As time went by, I was able to increase the sample of men from which I drawn my initial conclusion and I became comfortable especially after the females explained a bit more of the culture of Jamaica, very important I found. A vivid example that was used by a colleague was that if a Jamaican man says to a lady "yo pum pum (referring to the vagina) fat", it is actually a compliment that Jamaican ladies will understand. lol Well I surely pointed out that from the little island where I come from, it is a huge disrespect and the man who is brave enough to say it, would never hear the end of it. Still, I was able to tolerate Jamaican men and try at times to explain to them the differences in my culture and the way men home are different. However, I still didn't think I can be with a Jamaica man.

My husband and I
Today I am married to one, a good one I might add and he takes pleasure in reminding me of what I use to say :) Lesson learnt lol...not all Jamaicans are the same or to put  even more generally, the fault of one man cannot be used to judge another man. It can only be used to keep you vigilant :)

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

The Big Bamboo: sun, sand, sea and SEX

When I was doing my tourism course in undergraduate, we did a topic that included sex tourism. I am sure you all have heard about the three Ss in promoting tourism, SUN, SAND and SEA, but have you heard about the fourth... SEX? It is said that  a huge part of the tourist industry is sex tourism even though it is usually denied.
I remembered clearly my first journey to Ocho Rios in Jamaica and my astonishment in passing a craft market on the way. I was recently reminded of what I had seen last weekend on my way to Mystic Mountains in Ocho Rios. The feelings were not as overwhelming as I knew now what to expect, but I figured, why not blog about it. I tried to take a photo, but the bus was moving too fast so when I returned home I googled it to see if it was online. To the left is the photo and maybe you would like to share your thoughts. What is it promoting?

Men in Jamaica are quite confident about their sexuality. They are greatly against oral sex (at least verbally) and they believed that they can do wonders with their penises. In fact you might here statements like after sexual encounters with them, there would be no need for oral sex etc. Hence, it is said a lot of tourists, particular white ladies, come to the Caribbean and maybe mainly Jamaica searching for the Rasta men (again Jamaican culture) with the 'big bamboos.' How true it is, I cannot attest, but I can say this, at times I see some beautiful white ladies with some rusty looking Rasta men,  and I can't help but wonder. In the next blog, I will speak directly about Jamaica men, through the eyes of a foreigner, but I would say this, a black man is a black man whether from Jamaica or the rest of the Caribbean or even internationally, adding the Rasta hair, in no way contributes to the size of their penis. 

Sunday, 10 June 2012

Christopher Martin - Cheaters prayer (OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO)

I probably don't need to ask persons to listen to the lyrics of this song, but saw it performed and the amount of ladies I saw dancing and singing along, it had me wondering. Are they dancing on the rhythm, do they really know the lyrics and if they do, do they understand what they are saying? The thing too, it is directed to the lord it seems. So if you were in a classroom setting, what would your thoughts be on this song? Should the women just continue singing and just use 'cheat on boyfriend' instead?

Saturday, 9 June 2012


I would have said that this is for all the teenagers, but having learnt something myself, had to share.

Friday, 8 June 2012

Ungrateful Picknies (children)

Today I see some ungrateful children filled with pride and it upsets me. 

Poor Parents

Your parents struggle to send you to school, make sure you eat even though they might now, dress you as best as they could even though they could not dress themselves as good and yet you are ungrateful. You look at what other parents are giving to their kids and what you 'should' be getting, but are not getting and you resent your parents. You do not want them to come school to visit you even for parents day because what they wear would not be good enough. Your friends would laugh and talk. You see them coming up the road and you dodge in to a store or you cross the street, anything to avoid them. PRIDE!!! 

Middle Class and Rich Parents
Your parents give you the world. You get your license from the time you turn age to drive and they even bought you a car for your birthday. You were given birthday parties ever since you know yourself. You have your own room (yes, from some persons it is a luxury they cannot afford). They pay your education, sometimes in full, straight to university. Yet....For the one or two times they cannot give you what you WANT, you are upset. You are quick to call the police because they hit you, not abuse you. You drink, smoke and do drugs because of the freedom you are afforded, without thinking or caring about how you are hurting them. Maybe your parents don't even care, you think afterall they are working all the time, not spending enough time with you. Would you be willing to give up a few of your luxuries for more time with your parents? You curse them and lock them out of your room (in their own house if i might add), with no concern as to who is around or how your parents would be embarrassed, then again that might just have been your intention.

My thoughts

Pride and ungratefulness!!! While there are parents out there who have not done anything for their children and others not only did nothing, but added abuse to their style of parenting, you who are in a complete different situation should be humble and grateful. I have an alcoholic father who when the rum is in the wit is definitely out, but no matter how drunk he is, once I see him Ill go up to him.It could be in the city on a bus, in church (yes he comes there too even when he is drunk), wherever. Some times people would say to him, you have big daughter and behaving so. I never care what my friends or people think or would say and still don't. I knew how hard my parents worked to make us happy and even when the negatives were there, I chose to concentrate on the positives, the good they have done. I also understand their position. If they had more, they would have given me and I live my life trying to make some thing of myself so that I can make them happy. I never hear the I love you etc like what some children have committed suicide for (think they parents do not love them) because I know from the mere fact that they were providing for my needs they had some love for me;  Luke 11:11If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he asks for a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?"

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

When the fox can't get the grape, he says it sour

A low self esteem is reinforce by negative talks. I grew up with a low self esteem and being poor didn't make it easier. In my mind, what I saw as beautiful wasn't black or poor with 'picky hair', but brown and rich with long hair. High school did not make it easier. You quickly find your clique with other poor people and admire and sometimes even envy the rich, long hair girls that the boys always seem to want. Together, they sometimes pull you down and sink your esteem even further into the ground. However, I was very observant and quickly learn. It was not easy to get the esteem out of the ground, but I pretended that certain things said or done never bothered me until after a while they really never bothered me. Yes I was now fill with more confidence.

© 2011 Brendon Flynn
Have you ever heard the statement, when the fox can't get the grape he says it sour or all moldy cheese has its moldy bread? Well when I was at a point thinking that I am moldy cheese, some moldy bread they come, but these moldy bread weren't aware that they were 'moldy.' Here lies the difference between men and women. Ugly men are very brave and they always feel they are hot and for some strange reason, maybe their bravery, they always popular and have some of the hotter guys following them. The hotter guys who you want to come and talk to you never brave enough or set themselves apart for the hotter girls, but here comes the moldy cheese. Now when they come and you ignore them, nothing vex like them and they want to curse you. Well when I was younger, you could have called me ugly but I was also fresh. Now maybe I was ugly, I do not know because poverty really does a number on your face, but here was my statement to them, "When the fox cant get the grape, he say it sour" The thing is even though I said that, it hurts a lot especially when I was by yourself. Am I talking to anyone? You at times wonder, what these girls have that you don't.

The mistake with low self esteem is that many times a girl give in sexually to whether it be a hunk of a man or a stallion or all those names we used when we were younger and sometimes even the moldy cheese because we want to be accepted or wanted. After giving in, if the person wasn't genuine, our self esteem is even more destroyed because these persons start to call you easy, bitch and other derogative names. They want to touch you up in the street especially when they are with their friends, talk down to you and the list goes on and you do nothing because YOU WANT TO BE ACCEPTED. After a while you begin to accept the words and act the part using your body as a way of meeting and keeping friends. You laugh at their boring jokes and play the role great. The fox no longer wonders whether or not the grape is sour. You are no longer hard to get.

I have seen though when you hold fast to your purity, in spite of your low self esteem, you gain respect in the future because every little boy grows up. With a little money now to put yourself together, the men now stand in awe, wondering if you are the same girl back in high school (In fact we women also stand in awe of some guys we referred to as moldy cheese as they have grown and become refined). The girls you once saw as beautiful and popular have lost their essence and are trying tirelessly to regain it, but you are still the grape on the tree with foxes wondering whether you are sour or sweet. Every decision you make now have repercussions for the future. You might not have the self esteem you should have as yet, but tell yourself positive things until you believe them, and in the mean time, do not go looking for someone to make you feel worthy. Keep your grapes on the tree until a worthy man is capable of picking them. 

Tuesday, 5 June 2012

Devil...Wife...Same Ting!

Sunday morning in Bronx, New York. The church is packed and the devil decides to pay a visit. 
The doors burst open; a black cloud rolls in with the devil in its midst. People jump out of the pews and run outdoors, screaming - all except for two people. One is the Pastor, the other is a Jamaican. 

Satan is a bit perplexed. He points to the Pastor and says, "You! I can understand why you didn't run away, you are in your Lord's house, you preach against me everyday and you aren't afraid of me. 
But YOU (points to the Jamaican), why didn't you run out scared like everyone else?" 

The Jamaican crosses one leg over the other and replies, "See one, see de other! I been married to you sister for 36 years!"

Monday, 4 June 2012

The Professional Look: No messy head hairdresser, sluggish doctor or big belly policeman

I believe firmly that when you decide to take on a career, there are certain attributes that go along with it these are my reasons:

  • HAIRDRESSERS- When I go to any hair dresser, I automatically look at their hair. Too often, hair dressers want to tell you how to take care of your hair even suggest products and cut your hair etc when they are not taking their own advice. Have you ever go into a salon and see a hair dresser with her hair untidy, a lot of split ends from the bleaching that was done, the front 'eat up, eat up' because she insist on placing gel on it over and over again, the weave either on the verge of dropping out or you can see the threads? Well I don't know about you, but I have seen all that I have listed and I normally request the person who I want to fix my hair. I am also not to particular about ball head hair dressers, but that is my own bias that I look over at times, simply because I am scared to death when they ask if you want your hair clip. Too often, I look at my hair after and wonder if they thought I said cut. 
  • DOCTORS- Recently, I visited a doctor, not my usual, but as I looked at her, I wondered if there was a medical reason for her high tummy. I do not think her physical structure affects her ability to do her job great in no way, but I couldn't help but wonder and it so often happen to me. If it is not a medical reason for your situation and you cannot get down your belly, how would I get down mines, I usually think. I really believe that doctors should eat healthy and do their regular exercises even if the world does not follow, simply because they are doctors and an inspiration to people like me. So I do not like to go to sluggish doctors, who seem physically unfit and I do not mean fat doctors, unless they are overweight. I am truly motivated by doctors who seem to practice what they preach. 
  • POLICEMEN AND SECURITY GUARDS- As I listened to the Comedian, Candy Man, the other night, I was in total agreement; too many big belly police officers and I would add security guards. This is simply my opinion. I know work is hard to find and every body needs a job, BUT, if you are putting someone on the street as security to possibly run down and stop a thief, then that person should be physically fit. I would not let a big belly, fat police officer who seems to spend more time driving around in his vehicle eating burgers out run me and I am no Usain Bolt. What about a thief whose adrenaline is pumping? If it is about work, keep some behind desks to shuffle paper and put the fit ones out there. 
Now these are just 3 professions, I observe, but I am sure that you might have a couple you want to add. What I have stated as I said is just my opinion, you might feel differently or share the same views, whatever the case looking forward to hear from you. 

Sunday, 3 June 2012

Keeping the fire burning: A personal video dedicated to my husband

In a relationship, time might pass, but you have to keep the fire burning. Do the little things that you use to do before you get married, like writing the love letters and poems, singing and dancing or doing the videos. Try to be creative always even though you might be good at anything. At the end of the day is the thought that counts.

This video is dedicated to my husband.

Darling I love you and I am happy that even though time has passed, today still feels the same as yesterday and I pray that it would remain this way our whole life through.

Beauty vs Brain: Ms SVG 2012

Last night while on Facebook, I saw different posting about what was happening at Ms. SVG 2012, someone even posted a link where you can watch it live and so I logged on. I got to see the last two talent pieces, the interviews and the evening gown section. I am always particularly interested in the talent and interview section, but the interview section has the greatest effect on me. It is like watching the ending of a penalty shoot out for a football match or more so watching the West Indies Cricket team having 1 ball remaining and needing one run. I  am sure you understand the feelings I am trying to express, and to see I was not the one answering the question you would understand where I am coming from. It is also the part of the show where the nerves of the contestants are at their highest and if they were not fully immersed in the English Language, then the mistakes come alive. Furthermore, it tests your intelligence and awareness on current issues nationally and internationally. As the interview section also carry the most points, it is telling us that at the end of the day, the show it self is more about brain than beauty, but if we can get both qualities in the individual, then we have the ideal winner.

Anyway, I listened, sometimes with my eyes piercing through my fingers that covered my eyes and I empathize with these brave girls. I know some would 'beat up' themselves after because it is not that they did not know, but could not think under pressure. Then I heard Ms. Carice Glasgow and without seeing most of what happened before, I said HERE IS THE QUEEN! Eloquent, relaxed, poised, articulated are just some adjectives I would use to describe her. To me, she by pass the rest of the contestants tremendously in this segment not simply by answering the question (which some failed to do), but by delivering it in a queenly manner.

It was the same feeling I got when I saw Ms. Terranza Franklyn in her evening gown. Most of the other contestants' designers probably wanted them to walk naked on the stage. It is the most shear materials I have ever seen in a show. Well I guess that is the way evening gowns for queen show suppose to be, I don't know, but here came a lady, Ms Franklyn in something different, yet elegant and I loved it.

Well after the announcements, the reports on facebook came in the numbers. I was glad that most of the persons on my page were in agreement that the results were fair, but there were a few who I guess in being saddened, by the fact that Ms. Franklyn, whom they supported from the beginning and deemed most beautiful did not win even though she captured Best Swimwear, Best talent, Best evening gown and Ms. Photogenic. She is indeed a beauty. I understand the disappointment, but I have seen shows where the the winner did not win one title besides the one that crowned her. Why do you think that is? Just as in the classroom one student may placed first by a 0.2 of a mark, so it is in these shows. All contestants may be consistent and it only takes one category, and I must I say the one that has the highest score, to put one contestant infront of the other. Why not just rally around the winner? The winner, I must say, I am proud to have representing us given the way she truly delivered in that interview. Congrats to all the contestants, but more so to Ms. Carice Glasgow. You have represented us well and I am sure you would do just that at Ms. Carival.

Saturday, 2 June 2012

De Crotchless Panties

This Jamaican woman felt that her love life was slipping because her husband had no more interest in sex. While shopping one day, she passed an adult shop and saw some crotchless panties, so she decided to buy one and try to use it to excite and seduce him. 

That evening she took a long bath, put on a favorite perfume, and then she put on a sexy negligee and her new crotchless panties. Then she slithered into the room where her husband was watching TV as usual. 

She stands right in front of him, with one foot resting high on the ottoman, negligee wide open, and whispers "yu wah some a dis?". 

Her husband looks up at her wide-eyed and says. "No sah, yu mad, yuh nuh see wha it do to yu panty

Friday, 1 June 2012

Tips for Ladies

  • Do not see yourself as beautiful only when you are wearing your make-up and accessories. Remember these things do not create beauty, but simply enhances what already exists.
  • Display confidence when you walk. Do not drag your feet. The only sound heard should be the one from your heels hitting the ground.
  • Have a good command of your native language and know when to switch between your patios or dialect to your native standard language (whatever it is). Nothing is wrong with speaking your patios, but timing is everything and remember, first impression is lasting.
  • Clean and fashionable clothes and hairstyles with bad breath, dirty ears and nails is a contradiction. Let one compliments the other. 
  • What you wear still 'talks'. Know the message you are sending and ensure that you are comfortable with it.
  • Know when to laugh and when to be serious. Sometimes, person says things as jokes (especially) only to test you. Laughing for every little thing might just send the wrong message.
  • Having sex with him does not mean he will love you or respect you. It might just do the opposite. Take this decision seriously.
  • Be worthy of RESPECT. Its is earned rather than given.. 

Who looks better? Asafa Powell versus Usain Bolt :)

So a big part of who  I am is my wit and humor. I really do love to laugh so whenever I spot a joke I often share. Just saw this video and figure I should post it.