Thursday, 31 May 2012

Spare the rod and spoil the child

I know we have all heard the statement spare the rod and spoil the child. We may even hear quotations from the scripture such as Proverbs 13:24, "Whosoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." You might also heard of or read about children's rights and one such right is the RIGHT NOT TO BE HIT. This is how the United Nations Committee on the Rights of a Child define corporal punishment as,

“any punishment in which physical force is used and intended to cause some degree of pain or discomfort, however light. Most involves hitting (“smacking”, “slapping”, “spanking”) children, with the hand or with an implement – whip, stick, belt, shoe, wooden spoon, etc. But it can also involve, for example, kicking, shaking or throwing children, scratching, pinching, biting, pulling hair or boxing ears, forcing children to stay in uncomfortable positions, burning, scalding or forced ingestion (for example, washing children’s mouths out with soap or forcing them to swallow hot spices). In the view of the Committee, corporal punishment is invariably degrading. In addition, there are other non-physical forms of punishment which are also cruel and degrading and thus incompatible with the Convention. These include, for example, punishment which belittles, humiliates, denigrates, scapegoats, threatens, scares or ridicules the child.”

In many parts of the world, including the Caribbean corporal punishment is against the law. I am totally against child abuse, but from the definition above you would realize that the child cannot even be spanked. I have heard stories about children calling the police on their parents not because they were abused but because they were spanked. I have observed children today and the way some speak to their parents and I keep saying to myself I couldn't do that. What is happening? This child is so rude. I looked back on my life and I know I was beaten by both parents at some point or the other for disobedience. The thing is I have learnt from it. I have learnt not to put my mouth in big people's conversation after all 'small donkey has big ears'. I have learnt that if my mom says sit there and do not move or don't let the sun go down and you are at people's place, she means it. I grow up in an atmosphere also where discipline was not done only by parents, but by grandparents, aunts, uncles, brother or sisters who might be the one that saw you doing wrong. I believe that a lot of who I am today is a result of the discipline from the 'ROD.' Could it have been done differently? Maybe, but half the times I got spanked was because they talked once or twice and never planned to do it three times. 

There are indeed many other ways of disciplining a child apart from corporal punishment, but how effective are they? I am seeing children getting ruder, embarrassing their parents in public and generally have little to no respect for the authority of their parents. The same children that should not be spanked because they are too young to understand certain things, are smart enough to know that if they start screaming out in public, they will get what they want because they parents want them to stop. Again, I do not support the abuse of children, but I believe in a mixed method approach in disciplining a child that includes spanking from time to time. Maybe there should be an age stipulation for spanking according to the definition above.

What are your thoughts on this? Do you think the definition of corporal punishment is too extreme? What are your views on spanking children? Is it possible to spank a child and do not abuse them?

Go get yuh madda

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Go get yuh madda (Go get your mother)

A boy and his father from rural Jamaica were visting America for the first time.

The first time they went to a mall, they were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "Ah whaddat, daddy?"

The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "Son, mi nevah see nuting so inna my life! Mi nuh know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, sexy 19-year-old woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, says quietly to his son, "Bwoy... Go get yuh Madda!

Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Breed har again

I found this poem and it is funny, but I believe also it is very serious. Read and tell me what you think:

Breed har again (Breed her again )

A 17 year-old Jamaican girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for the last two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the pharmacy and buys a pregnancy test. 

Confirming her worst fears, the test result is positive. Shouting, swearing and crying, the Mother says, "Which rass man do dis to you? Mi need fi know now!" 

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a BMW X5 pulls up in front of their house; a dapper looking man dressed in an Armani suit steps out and walks to the house. 

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother, & the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the situation. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs & provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. 

Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $2,000,000 bank account. He continues: "If a boy is born, my legacy will be a factory and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" 

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and very decisively tells him, "You can breed har again ..."

Beware of Jezebels and Delilah

I am dedicating this blog to all the good men out there. I know that I was somewhat biased in my other blogs with greater concentration on women and understandably so as I am a woman, but this blog today is for you gentlemen.


All that glitter is not gold 

I think we can all agree that there are some good single men out there who are generally seeking good single women. However, I am sure you have often heard, that the good girls end up with the bad men and the good men end up with the bad girls. Moreover, there are statements sometimes about how some of these bad girls are responsible for turning good men into bad men. Maybe true, maybe not, but what is fact is just as there are good and bad men out there, there are also good and bad girls. So men what would I am say to you, DON'T PUT YOUR HEAD IN DELILAH'S ANTS NEST OR GET TURN ON BY JEZEBEL'S SEDUCTION. Now how can you tell if you are with a Delilah or a Jezebel. Be vigilant and look out for these things:

  • A woman who is only happy fortnightly or monthly...salary time
  • A woman who talks down to you and at times even in front their friends or yours. Pull her up! There is no woman out there who wants a 'soft man'. If they do it and get away, they would lose all respect for you and they will continue doing it
  • She always wants, she never gives and she is never satisfied. If you cannot buy her the expensive stuff she is upset and  she does not understand you cannot buy it at this time. Watch your pocket, she will deplete your resources.
  • A controlling and manipulative woman. A part of being a woman includes being submissive to your man. If she wants to run things always, dictating who you should or should not talk to and  where you can or cannot go, Beware! She may also use guilt trips to control you.
  • A woman who does not want to be seen in public with you, yet they are your woman or they only want to be seen with you when you are dressed a certain way (not in your work clothes for example if you are a mechanic, a carpenter or farmer). 
  • A woman who is never wrong. Watch yourself!
  • A woman who uses her body, sweet talk and sex to get what she wants. You might just like it, but is this who you want in your life?
  • A selfish woman. She cares only about herself. She looks great because she pays so much attention to herself, but she pays little attention to your care and your needs. She may not be willing once to cook you a good meal because she does not want to stain her hands or break a nail.
Now those are just a few pointers and I would add here that some of these women are in church. The bible teaches that Jezebel had claimed to be a prophetess. So vigilance is key. Do not be caught up in outward beauty. All that glitters is not gold. And you may feel lucky to have her because physically she is all that and a half, but beauty fades while personal traits are there forever. 

Tuesday, 29 May 2012


- by Joan Andrea Hutchinson ©2007

Even  if yuh put on fifty pound
Even if yuh sick an mawga down
Even if yuh bleach di black fi fayva brown
A yuh  mi waan fi deh wid

Even if yuh foot shape like afoo yam
An yuh hand look like song of di banana man
Even if yuh claim rasta but a quietly lick di ham
A yuh mi waan fid eh wid

So even doah yuh behaving like a clown
An yuh name a call all over town
A yuh mi still waan fi be around
A yuh mi waan fi deh wid

Monday, 28 May 2012

Virginity, Virginity: Where is thy value, Where is thy worth?

I always thank God for the high school I went to, the St. Joseph's Convent Kingstown. It might not have been my first choice, but it was the right choice. I am even more grateful for the clasmates I met and the friends I have gained and here is apart of my story on why.
Virginity was highly valued. It was overly preached within our circle and we treated ourselves as trophy wives to be. We even give our group names relating to our purity. It was so much valued that when most of us got into college, we continued in the same frame of mind and when persons felt that they were ready for sex, there was like a consultation, not to ask permission, but to say I am ready. Even then we had each other back, trying to ensure that the person is at least worthy of having it, by getting all the street dirt we can get on them. I can attribute my high regard for virginity to attending a convent school that was so highly disciplined, but I would rather attribute it to the friends I have met and surrounded myself with at the school.

Today, I wonder how is virginity viewed? It seems like the opposite is now happening and to be a virgin is the 'bad thing'. When did this shift happen and what is responsible for that shift? Men still desire to lay with virgins, some only to boost their own ego by counting how many girls' virginity they have stolen, others for moral reasons, wanting to be only guy to have slept with a girl. It would seem though that the men who simply want to boost their ego are in the greater percentage and while most time girls give themselves to their boy friends in a somewhat fairy tale happily ever after story before hitting reality, it is not the case for men. We then have a lot of young ladies growing up with a lot of regrets and a past they wished they can go back and change...Too Late! I often says sex is like opening a pan of pringles; the slogan is once you pop you can't stop. It is easier to maintain a virginity than to start to have sex and then try to maintain what is sometimes called a "secondary virginity" (there is no such thing though).

I believe though that being a virgin put you on a pedestal, just as it was for us in high school. There is a kind of self worth that you have that cannot be easily taken away and you can always keep your head a little higher than the rest knowing that no matter how much the young man crave for you, how much he wants to boost his ego, how much he tried to undermine your worth, he can never use these words: SHE IS EASY, I SLEPT WITH HER...AND MY BRETHREN TOO, SHE IS JUST PLAYING WHAT SHE ISN'T.

Sunday, 27 May 2012

Cook, wash and clean: Is it for the modern woman?

In years gone by, as a female child growing up, your mother will call you to the kitchen and you were put to cook. I remembered clearly the first time I cook and bake, I was still a young teen and neither time I got it right.  Still, before I passed my teens I got both baking and cooking right. When I got to university, I was amazed at the many young ladies who couldn't cook and some who did not care to learn. Cooking now seemed like a traditional thing, fit for housewives and the ladies of "those days".

Instead the new talk was about being a career woman, with no time for domestic duties and about making enough money to below to hire a helper. Yes, the modern day ladies and ladies to be seemed to have taken on a new way of thinking. Whether or not it is a right mode of thinking, I cannot say. I too have seen the difficulty in maintaining a home and holding down on a career, but I still believe in and live by these few guidelines and observations.

  • A woman, married or unmarried should be able to cook a decent meal for herself and her spouse even if there is a helper. LEARN TO COOK.
  • A child/children should not grow up to love the food of your helper more than your food, neither should they be spending more time with the helper or sitter, than you. STRIKE A BALANCE
  • A woman should be able to take care of a home meaning being able to handle domestic duties. I do not see this as traditional, but as part of our nature. IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU ANY LESS OF A WOMAN, BUT ACTUALLY MORE OF A WOMAN.
  • Eating out is good, but eating in is better. Let keeping out continue to be a luxury that you enjoy from time to time so that hard working income can be better spent. Remember as a lady, you are also a MANAGER OF YOUR HOME AND AT TIMES THE FINANCE.
  • Maybe the way through  a man's heart is still through his stomach. I believe a woman earn greater respect from their spouse when they can handling cooking, cleaning and washing, or may be I should say when they are good managers.
  • I still hear of husbands cheating with their helpers. DON'T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU :)
And finally, I note this observation. There are a lot of broken homes out there because both parents are now breadwinners and the children are left to fend for themselves. The role of a woman as a MANAGER of the home, is slowly fading out and the children are going a stray. As a career woman myself, I would advise us all to STRIKE A BALANCE. 

Saturday, 26 May 2012

Does he/she love me: How can I tell?

How many times have you asked yourself the question, "Does he/she loves me?" I need you to now ask yourself this question, "why am I asking myself that question"

You see asking that question is normal, but there are often reasons that have caused us to be questioning the love of your spouse; maybe we just want to be sure, maybe we are fearful of the level of committment and of being hurt, maybe he/she has cheated. Whatever the case, here are some questions you can asked yourself:

  • How does he/she look at you? Based on my personal relationship with my husband, I feel loved every time he looks at me. Sometimes, it feels as if he is saying with his eyes, you are truly the one for me and I am truly blessed and even though you may not be my first, you are definitely my last. 
  • Does he/she listen to you? Communication is key in a relationship and even though at the end of a discussion your suggestions might not be taken, you want to know that you were heard and considered. Furthermore, if you have expressed your likes/dislikes for something, a listening spouse will be sure to honour and support your likes and prevent your dislikes as much as possible. He may not always get it right, but he tries to remember what is important to you. 
  • Is the conversations one-sided? Is it always about him/her?
  • How are you treated in the public and private? Is there any major differences? Is he/she putting on a show?
  • Does he/she try there best to remember what are important to you including important dates?
  • What are you arguments like? Are they filled with abusive words on how you look or how dumb you are? Does he try to appease you? What happens at the end of the argument? Has he/she ever hit you or raise his hand in an attempt to do that?
  • Does he care about you? How is it shown?
  • How do you feel with him/her in your life? Is he/she still flirting? Are you flirting? Do you feel fulfilled, not wanting anything even when he/she is not around?
  • Has he/she ever cheated? The why is not important here
Remember though these are just some questions that can be used to find out if he/she loves you, to ensure a great and satisfying relationship, you need to ask the same questions to yourself, to find out whether or not you too are in love. Please note if the only reasons that are coming up are physical, then something is wrong. In addition, we are often in the habit of saying things like, he cares about him, he is romantic, he is humorous, but we can never pin point what he has done to show he cares or is romantic and maybe only once or twice we have found something funny to laugh about. A lifelong committment goes beyond the physical for that would pass, no matter how much we dress up. When the physical is not what it use to be, then what? Take a pen and answer the questions above. You shouldn't have to hunt for answers or think to hard, if that is the case, then something is wrong.

Gay marriages: does separating yourself from the situation mean it is not happening?

In this modern era, we have witnessed many changes in the world. While some of us have already deemed what to be important such as financial issues, there are many social issues that are coming up which cannot be ignored. When something is not close to home, it is so easy for us to ignore it, but quite recently I have started to consider many things including gay marriages. I am seeing a new society, in which my kids will grow and I wonder how would I explain to them the teachings of old. Would my Christian stand be too late? 

Many persons have given all their reasons for supporting gay marriages. At times, it even seems like if you are not in support of gay marriages, then you are a homophobic or an abuser of gays. I am neither, but as a Christian, I see it as a sin. Does that mean I would meet a gay and verbally abused them? No! However, actions are now being put in place to accept gays relationship as normal relationships. It means that eventually the definition of family, marriages etc would change and if we who called ourselves Christian are silent, what then? Am I ready to be in conflict with my child with what he has learnt from school and what he has learnt from home? Below is just a statement and a video that I am sure is of interest and supports the magnitude of the situation.  Should the world including the churches accept homosexuality? Should the church keep its corner separate and apart from this new trend? Is it an issue to you, who is not a homosexual or have no one in your family who is? Is it a topic of discussion? 

President Obama
"I have to tell you that over the course of several years as I have talked to friends and family and neighbors when I think about members of my own staff who are in incredibly committed monogamous relationships, same-sex relationships, who are raising kids together, when I think about those soldiers or airmen or Marines or sailors who are out there fighting on my behalf and yet feel constrained, even now that Don't Ask Don't Tell is gone, because they are not able to commit themselves in a marriage, at a certain point I’ve just concluded that for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same sex couples should be able to get married," he said.

Beenie Man apologizes:

Friday, 25 May 2012

The way you carry yourself: Look Pop-up instead of Pop-down

Have you ever looked at someone and said, you know she is younger than me, dismayed by how they are looking? Or sometimes you may make statements like "since she got pregnant, she look pop down." There are other times, when people after being married for a little, carry themselves in such a way that is saying...the world is upon my shoulders, I am too old now,  looking nice is for young people.

In Jamaica, there is something that always amazed me. Even though I may not agree with the way of dressing all the time, the people here focus on their hair, their nails and their clothes. It does not matter what social class or status; the market vendor, the person selling phone cards, the unemployed, the old, the young, the rich, the poor all focus on their looks. Even when their fashion may be out of this world or they might not have gotten it right, their objective is to look good.

Is their a point in your life where you should stop look great? Should marriage, kids, bills or abuse prevent you from looking great? Sometimes it seem to me that persons only want to look good when they are slim and trim with the flat tummy, but as soon as they have a child or two and add some weight that is hard to lose, they give up. Is looking great only for the slim and trim? Why you should look older than the person who taught you in school? And yes this happens. So my suggestions:

  • Have a ME day: A day for yourself where you pamper yourself in spite of the pressures of life. Even if you have to put away a special savings for your Me day. 
  • Walk with your head held high, Literally! Too often I see people walking, head down. The world might be on your shoulders, but everyone doesn't have to know it.
  • Look straight in that mirror and speak positively into your life especially before you leave the house. I do this from time to time and I have found that it has helped to build my self confidence and self esteem. Look, smile and talk into that mirror, but say only positive things whether or not you believe them.
  • Purchase clothes that compliment your body type and wear them well. You still have it.
  • Go out and have fun whether by yourself, with your girls or with your spouse. This will surely keep you alive and happy. Don't let the kids take over your life so much so that there is no YOU. Remember you are also a role model and children watch and learn from their parents.
I am sure there are many more tips that can be suggested, but remember life does not end with kids or marriage. In fact, it has really just begun....

Sooo many women, too little men :(

There are times many of us become married and then pretend that we are Christian more than anybody else. We stop looking at situations like how we did because we are now married. For example, while you were in church as a young woman seeking a spouse but cannot seem to find any, yet you are hearing do not be unequally yolk, but the one man who like you and whose feelings you share is outside the church, what do you do? Now the Christian thing to say and abide with is the word, Do not be unequally yolk, but it does not change this fact....WHERE ARE THE MEN IN THE CHURCH?

Last Sunday as I sat in church, the pastor made mentioned to this. He empathized with the many beautiful young men who was single and looking in the church and showed his displeasure with the ratio of men to women in the church. There must be a balance, he cried. Let us go into the bars, where ever we can find the men and evangelized them. I found that the sermon that morning, not only interesting, but powerful and relevant.

I always heard statements, God will provide but I have also heard, Faith without works is dead. So with so many women and so little men in the church, What can we do? Would it be right if a female sees a guy she likes, buy he is unsave, to try and get him to change to Christianity? Should there be evangelism strategies that are designed to target only men? What is it that can be done?

Looking forward to hear from all of you.

Thursday, 24 May 2012

Is arguing communicating?

I have heard about the argument, the make up sex etc and I wonder at the end of the arguing, apart from the make-up sex, what have been accomplished? Is arguing communicating?

In looking at that question, we might asked ourselves what is arguing? Now I can go and look up a definition and bring it back to you, but I am not going to do that. I am sure we have all been apart of or observe what has so popularly became embedded in our minds as an argument. So based on this, my question to you is, is arguing communicating? I am sure that you have heard statements like arguing is good for the relationship etc. What are your views on this?

I have found a very interesting article entitled, "How to communicate during an arugment:7 Quick Rules

What is interesting about this article is that this is the introduction:

As a San Diego relationship and couples counselor, I frequently run into couples who argue often. I never recommend arguing...never.  Instead I recommend couples reaching for one another and resolving the issue in a loving discussion.  If you have found yourself caught in an ongoing cycle of arguing, back and back bickering, and sometimes even yelling, you might want to take a proactive stance and try to decrease the battles.  Here are some quick tips to decrease the extent of damage the emotional blows do to the relationship bond

Maybe you might be interested in reading further in the article as it goes on to give you the 7 rules to communicate during an argument, even after such an introduction, but based on your experiences or current mode of thinking, what are your views? Is arguing communicating and if so what is arguing?

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Tarrus Riley - She's Royal

Now this is how you want to be spoken about :) Big up to all the good good girls them, to all the royal beauties out there. 

Phillip Phillips: We've Got Tonight - Top 3 - AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 11

"All that glitters is not gold"

When I was younger, in high school, I fell in love with someone I thought was the one. I was so in love my heart felt light. You know that feeling you get where you become so inspired you can write wonderful poems if you are into writing. Well that was me. He was the perfect gentleman, the one who pulls the chair and open the door. He was well spoken and well-mannered. He was the the type of guy that you can feel quite proud walking the street with and feel at ease introducing him to family. To top it off he was a Christian. Sounds almost too perfect eh? Well as time by went by, I started seeing things, but I turned a blind eye.

I convinced myself I can live with this and I can live with that. Isn't that we do at times? Then we broke up and I cried the night for a few hours (especially when I started hearing the love songs on the they chose to play then), but then I stopped that very same night and I asked myself why? I started to look at all the things that were wrong in the relationship, all the things I had turned a blind eye too. Wasn't my break-up a blessing? Why was I crying over my blessing? Here was a guy who was right in many ways, but so wrong in many other. He was a bit authoritative, a Christian who did not believe in tithing, but watched porn etc.

Sometimes we are in that position. We are in love and when you are in love as a teenager, it is a certain type of love and no one can tell you differently. We think we have found the right person, especially if you are a Christian and the person is seemingly so also, but the person still may not be right for you and it is up to you to remember the values and standards that you have set and ensure that that your compromises and sacrifices do not undermine these. But all that glitters is not gold....

"Thug no show love"

- by Joan Andrea Hutchinson ©2007
Baby mi love yuh and yuh done well and know
But a guy can’t too meck him feelings show
Yuh feel mi love and dat suppose to enough
But man a man and man haffie flex tough
So no expect mi fi come wid no lovey dovey love
Cause man a thug, an thug no show love
Mi will tidy house an help yuh wash plate
Change baby diaper, iron cook an bake
Wash yuh hair an massage yuh body all night long
Hug up an dance like grandpa when mi hear love song
But outa street mi no eena di smoochie smoochie love
For man a thug, an thug no show love
Most people no know say mi have a romantic side
Mi will give yuh sweet an tender loving till yuh clide
At home mi will bow, cause yuh control di remote
An mi ready fi go front a parson go teck  oath
But John Public no haffie know  bout mi romantic love
For man a thug … an thug no show love

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

PARENTS' relationship impacts YOUR relationship

I firmly believe that the relationship of parents may have positive or negative effects on the future relationships of their children.. If I should use my life as example, I grow up in a common-law relationship him where things were not exactly great and some might even called it abusive. How did this impact me?

As a young lady, this is how I viewed my future. A rich single independent young woman with her mansion on the hill. I need the companion of men, but not in a marital relationship. I wanted to be able to have them when I want them and run them when I don't. I saw marriage as bondage, rule by men and no man was going to rule me. I remember standing up in church on discussion on submission and showing my disapproval. Even then I thought I had great points. How can you submit to an alcoholic, an abusive husband etc I was told that the word of God says "Wives submit unto your husband as to the Lord...," and so we should be very careful who we choose as husband. Still I looked at my mother and her relationship with my dad, the bad times and I did not want that.

I am married now and have grown but spiritually and physically. I have found someone who is easy to submit to. Still my parents' relationship impacts my relationship with my husband. I often remember when my father would start up his music such as Percy Sledge, Otis Redding, Eric Donaldson, Al Green etc and he would took my mother in his hands and they would start dancing like yesterday never existed and tomorrow is going to be all right. Today, we all love dancing, my brothers and I. So sometimes I turn on my music and I would ask my husband to dance and now that he sees how much I like it, he would ask me too. Once I started to dance to Al Green's "For the good times" and tears came to my eyes because even though my parents are no longer together, those were the good times. 

Maybe you can say some ways in which the relationship of your parents have influenced your relationship. I know it can be positive or negative but sometimes you do not realize what is happening in terms of how you are dealing with your husband or wife have rooted causes in the past. So take some time and reflect and then speak to me. 

Will my husband/wife Change?

When I was younger, I was not like the average young lady who dream about their future wedding. I often looked at married couples who eventually divorce and asked myself what went wrong. How can someone be married for just 2 or so years and divorce, aren't they still suppose to be enjoying the bliss of marriage? How can someone be married for 20+ years and divorce, aren't they suppose to have learnt to live with each other by then? Now I have heard the many reasons why people divorce but somehow there were still some things I could not understand. Hence, marriage was not on my list, but now I am married.

I have a wonderful marriage and I am super happy with my husband. There are so many things I enjoy some that are very simple. For examples, I love the fact that, after I am dressed to go somewhere, he looks at me and if there is anything to fix or straighten with my clothes. I would feel his hand fixing it. I love our conversations and the things we have in common. Last night, I fell asleep before him and some time in the night, I heard him praying for me and his hands was upon me and I appreciated it.

 Have I ever wondered if he would change? Yes, but I dont have the answer to that question and I don't know who does. If we know these things our decision might be different. So instead of living my life as if things would change, I live my life enjoying each blissful moment with my husband. I have placed my relationship in the hands of God and in the mean time I follow some basic rules:

  • I do not leave God outside of my marriage. I try my best to follow and apply the scriptures to my life
  • Wives submit unto your husband as to the Lord.
  • Divorce is NOT an option
  • Know when to shut up and listen
  • Treat your husband as a King, surely he will treat me as a queen
  • Communicate, but do not argue
  • I remember to praise and thank my husband for the good things he does
  • I do not bottle up my feelings in my heart. He knows when I am happy, upset, disappoint, unpleased etc
  • I do not expect him to read my mind
Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness in the Home
“And be kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32
“Love suffers long, and is kind; love does not envy; love does not promote itself, is not puffed up, does not behave badly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails” 1Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is Awesome

Monday, 21 May 2012

"You make your bed, lie in it"

Have you ever heard the statement " You make your bed, lie in it" I heard it very often growing up, especially from mother with her many warnings. I wonder if it can apply to relationships/marriages. I believe that there are some persons who get into marriage thinking that things will change after the person has committed on that level. I am sorry to say, I don't see why. I remembered some years ago, I was in a meeting with a pastor, who was talking to us youths. He stated that our hearts are like a chair, be careful who we make sit in it. I never forget those words.

If you are dating an alcoholic, a smoker, a gambler or a man who cheats on you and for what ever reasons it may be kids, you two decide to get marry, does it mean that there's an automatic change in behaviour? I have heard many stories with people making the decision to commit themselves to a drunkard or a cheater and then feel that you marry me so stop drink or stop cheat. All I see is a ring was taken from a store and place on the hand of a drunkard/cheater etc

Before I got married, I was approached by different married men. I remember one married placed a question to me and I reminded him he was married, but he saw no issue with having as he put it "a side order" once it is kept between the two persons. I could not believe it. He didn't even know I knew his wife and had spoken to her numerous times. In talking to someone about it, I was told that the wife left church so that she can be with him and after they got married she went back into church and now he was so abusive to her. I looked at her and she was beautiful. I could not physically see the reason for him wanting to cheat although I was in no way trying to justify it, but when these things happen you start to wonder a lot. I thought about her decision and now the consequence. Maybe she didn't know he was a cheater, but I am sure she had heard he was wrong for her and that's why she probably left church, but when she returned back to church, he did not follow but he continued cheating. She made her bed...

It is my opinion that if you make a decision to commit to an individual after seeing their faults before you get married, you are not making that commitment in hope that they would change, but rather you are saying. I know you cheat, drink, smoke or gamble and I am willing to continue living with you like that. Although some people may indeed change their lifestyles after they got married, I would not advise anyone to enter into a marital relationship with the hope that change would come. What are your thoughts?

Sunday, 20 May 2012

Dress to sick stomach?

In coming out of the office of my phsyiotherapist, there was a mature, stoutish lady outside talking to a gentleman. In passing by, I got to hear a part of her statement to the gentleman..."me wear way me want, yo na see the young gal dem ah wear shorter than this" To translate for those who do not understand the dialect of the Caribbean, she was stating that she would wear any sort of clothes she wanted and she was asking the gentleman if he did not recognise that the young girls wear much shorter clothes than what she had on. I take a look at her and I see much that is wrong with the way people think.

Here was a mature lady, in her 40s, with so much weight that her thighs were shaking and 'pack up' with cellulite yet she had on a short pants that fell right below her bottom and she believe that she was justified in wearing what she wanted because the younger generation was wearing shorter. I thought madame, you are not in the young people category and you dont have to body to accommodate that type of clothes. Now it is not the first time I hear people say to others, wear what you want, you are not old or they spoke as if wearing whatever you please demonstrate a level of self confidence.

I dont believe that slim people should dress better than fat people or young people better than older ones, but I do believe in these things. Firstly, dress your age. There are certain clothes out there with young people written all over them and secondly, dress to complement you shape and body type. There are some clothes that do not belong to you. Do not depend on people to rate you. There are some persons who are quick to like your photo, tell you how sexy/hot you look, but behind your back they crucify you and laugh at you. Thirdly, looking good has nothing to do with  exposing your body. You know you belly is big, what are you doing in a belly breaker? I often look at clothes and I would admire them, but not every clothes that looks good in my eyes I are for me. I might say things like that will fit 'Mary' well or I wish that can fit me, but I know even if it looks great on the mannequin, it wouldn't look as nice on me because my body structure is different. I heard this statement made by a male once concerning a person dressing in a clothes that do not suit them, " This sick my stomach...Make me want to suck a mint." Do not let it be said about you. You can be in a very long skirt that sweep the ground and still look great.

Saturday, 19 May 2012

Unequally Yolk Relationships: What you might not think of?

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?" (2 Cor. 6:14, KJV

Look back on your life and how many times you have heard that statement. Now look at how often you have disobeyed. Growing up in church, I not only hear this scripture and was a part of numerous discussions on the topic in youth groups, on camps, on the roadside etc. Light cant mix with darkness, young people if the young man/woman is not a Christian and you are, you are unequally yolk. How many times we disobey...PLENTY and notice I said WE. I think I am qualify to talk it. Here are the reasons/excuses why we date unsaved men/women:
  • The men/women in the church worse than the women outside. Do you remember saying that?
  • He/she is soo nice. They dont drink/smoke or party. The only thing is they are not a Christian YET.
  • I am sure I can influence him/her to come into church. He/she cannot make me do what I don't want to do I am STRONGER. We may even quote or remember then...Greater is he that is in us that in the world
  • All the good men/women in the church taken and the rest that remains are either family, ugly or you are just not interested.
  • He/she too holy, holy
I'll stay there, but I am sure you can add a few. I am not going to say your reasons are wrong because it is what we think when we are in love with someone we are being asked to give up...after you have 'fallen in love' it is very hard to just walk away. I know and so the art would be avoiding the situation in the first place as you know it is WRONG and even then it is hard. Well having gotten married to a Christian, I am going to give you a twist and reasons you should consider if you are saved and dating an unsaved. I am not going to force you to make a decision. I want you to think it through. Here are my reasons why it is best to date and marry to a Christian man instead of an unsaved:
  • Fornication- Whether you are a Christian/non-Christian, at some point the two partners are going to be faced with SEX. Lets not pretend here. Too long we act as if when you are saved then sex does not take place. The only difference is, when you say STOP/ I CANNOT, a true Christian will understand the reason behind this without you having to give an explanation, and would know that path is wrong and would struggle with you to put the necessary measures in place to avoid sexual encounters. In addition, a true Christian partner does not pressure you into sex. Most times when sex happen between Christians, the devil makes it easier because he wants us to fail.
  • Dating becomes easier. If he/she spends his weekends clubbing, what would you do? Finding places to go that both of you would be contented with is easier. You don't have to hear the word COMPROMISE because as a Christian there are some things we cannot compromise with
  • Finally, married life. If most of you get into a relationship with a long term mentality, then how do you intend to spend it? You begging him/her to go to church this one Saturday/Sunday with you? You seeing him/her only when the child is being christen? You cannot pray/fast together because the partner is not interested. Knowing your spouse is hell bound, you have to spend your time fasting and praying for their salvation. When an argument arise, then what? You as the Christian would want to apply the word of God, like dont make the sun go down on your anger, while your spouse doesnt understand that. He/she might even use certain curse words. What about adultery?
Now I am saying all these things, and you might already be searching for excuses especially if you are involved that way. You might say things like, even Christian people it happens with etc. I would say here that there is a difference, even though we may not see it, when God is working on the conscience, which is what will happen if both partners are Christians. The fight is no longer yours alone but God's, but if one partner is outside Christ, the strength of the enemy is increased as one partner has completely closed the door of their heart to allow God to enter in and purge. 
Think about it and looking forward to hearing from you.

Friday, 18 May 2012

Comparing relationship: Is it wrong?

I have a way of looking to the bible in search of answers. Now when I think of the way of God designed things, two virgins were suppose to get married, keeping in mind fornication and other forms of sexual immorality is wrong. With that design, if while consummating the marriage sex was good or bad, I believe it might have been pretty hard to tell or if things were not as you imagine it, both of you would have to figure it out. There would have been nothing to compare it with. However, for those of us who read the bible or hear from it, you would know that sin came in and mess everything up. So today, there are a lot of young women and men who get married with much to compare. Now I am using sexual relations here as an example, but there are many other ways comparison may happen in a relationship and my question is, Is it wrong?

When you comparing relationship: Is it wrong? If your new b.f does not like cuddling, but the first one did, the new one does not have a car, or abs or can 'read your mind' and know how to surprise you...Comparison can take place on many levels: physical attributes, the way emotional needs are being met, wealth/riches and other assets, intellectual capacity and I can go on. Have you ever compared your spouses? Is it inevitable? I personally have compared and I also believe that once you have had previous relationships it is inevitable that you would compare. When I look at my relationship with my husband, I wondered what was wrong with me when I was there trying to make those 'nonsense' relationship work. So sometimes we advise people, look at the facts and if God is trying to get you out of the relationship go with the flow, better must come, that is how God moves. Still I ask, is it wrong and if it is when is it wrong?

My opinion...Why do you compare? Your answer to that question I believe would determine whether comparing is right or wrong. Are you simply enjoying your present relationship so much so, like me, you are wondering what was wrong with you? Or are you creating extra burden in your present relationship because your new spouse is not doing certain things right and the previous one use to do it so much better? Moreover are you letting the present spouse know his limitations not simply through your dissatisfaction but through your comparisons so much so that you are bruising his ego. Do you really think doing this will help the relationship? Remember to, you do not have to call the other spouse name for the present spouse to know that you are comparing. Is he/she stupid? For example, if you keep saying why can't you buy a car, every minute we have to catch bus, I am not going anywhere, I am not taking public transport...He knows that your previous spouse had a car..what do you think will cross his mind? There, you got it. In cases like that, where your comparison is straining your present relationship, GO BACK TO YOUR PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP, SURELY YOU WERE QUITE HAPPIER. 

But again this is just my opinion...What do you think? Is comparing relationship wrong or right? Have you ever experienced it and how has it affected your relationship?

Thursday, 17 May 2012

Joshua Ledet: When A Man Loves A Woman - Top 11 - AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 11

Joshua Ledet: If You Don't Know Me By Now - Top 8 - AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 11

Good satisfying sex: Essential in healthy marital relationships

In growing up, the word sex always seem like a bad word. Even today as a Christian, it seems like to talk about sex in your relationship is a bad thing. Well I am here to tell you all that good, satisfying sex is an extremely important part of your marital relationship. I believe that is the reason why the bible stated that "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled..." (Heb 13:4).  To me it was to give way for married couples to enjoy sex with no restriction.  Look at the statistics below. It is telling us that in a lot of cases, many persons are not emotionally satisfied with their sex lives. I have heard statements like married men cheat on their wives because what the 'matey' is willing to do the wife isn't and I wonder to myself what possible things can that 'matey' be doing that the wife doesn't want to do? I would prefer to believe that that husband/wife who is cheating is just nasty. 

So how should you approach sex in your married life? These are some things I have read, heard and would not close my mind to:

  • Keep an open mind in the bedroom. This for both partners. One partner cannot want to try something and the other one putting up a wall. Sex can be talked about so talk to each other about what you want to try and both of you should agree to what should be included/excluded. 
  • Be adventurous. If you stay on the bed all the time you will get bored, and especially if you don't have kids, use up your house. You would always remember those days after you have kids. Feel free to share the outdoors too, but of course you know you have to be careful with that one.
  • What about role play? Lol What is wrong with dressing like the nurse or buying some nice tiger/leopard lingerie and acting the part. 
  • Talk. Silence may work for some people but talking may do so much more and I dont mean a discussion about the news or how was your day...I am sure you can figure that one out.
  • Massages...Buy the oils and receive or perform a massage and I dont mean do it and fall asleep. The massage should actually be a form of stimulation therapy if I should put it that way
  • Music...There are some nice soft mix or love songs that were played at your wedding that might just do the tricks
  • Sex Toys...It may just add the extra spice you need

Now in all these pointers, remember that you are a couple and what ever you decide should be as a result of that, but we have learnt that sex is not just for reproduction. It is pleasurable, but there are differences in the way a man and woman orgasm. It is much more easier for the man to reach an orgasm, but even then they might not be emotionally satisfied with their sex lives. Women too even have it harder as we can go through different sexual encounters without experiencing an orgasm. Sex is not just physical but also emotional and because it is complex, it takes the 2 partners to improve and build a healthy sexual relationship

What Percentage of People are Extremely Emotionally Satisfied with their Sex Lives?Using Waite and Gallagher's Categories
Waite and Gallagher's Numbers (WG)
Actual Numbers from
The National Sex Survey (Actual)
Married men: 48 (WG), 48.9 (Actual)
Co-habiting men: 37 (WG)35.2 for single co-habitors,
                                         52.6 for div / sep co-habitors (actual)
Married women: 42 (WG), 42.1 (Actual)
Single women with sexual partner:  31 (WG) 31.4 for not co-habiting,
                                                                 44.1 for co-habiting (actual)
Divorced with sexual partner: 27 (WG)27.4 for not co-habiting
                                                          36.5 for co-habiting (actual)

Remember, this is just my opinion and I would welcome any comment or additional information on this topic.

Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Single and Satisfied

When I was younger, I attended several Christian camps and conferences, all at some point talking about singleness. I remember one conference called "Single's Conference" and the speaker who was a pastor spoke about being single and satisfied. I left the conference with his message, which he was essentially saying that no one should get into a relationship unless they have learnt to be single and satisfied. I accepted and agreed.

Do you have any friends where it seems like that they are never single? Or have you ever hear the sentence 'that gurl ah change man like panty?' It seems sometimes that persons are afraid to be alone. They always need someone to say I love you, buy gifts or make them feel wanted. I believe there is danger in entering a relationship without learning to be single and satisfied and here is why? A relationship is a great thing and can be very satisfying but it can also be very challenging. Dealing with relationship issues while trying to find yourself complicates the situation. Furthermore, when you are afraid to be alone, it may cause you to settle for things in a relationship even though you deserve better, stay in an abusive relationship or even messed up a great relationship.

Singleness might not be easy on certain days like your birthday, valentines or other holidays especially when you have friends who keep talking about their relationship, but it is essential that you learn to be satisfied with singleness. I loved being single, going out with the girls, talking about guys, dating and just enjoying my space. I learnt to look in the mirror and see my beauty instead of waiting to hear it from others. What persons think of me never matter because I learnt to know me. The handsome, popular no longer intimidated me. In fact I learnt most of the times, those popular ones tend to be dumb. When a guy approach me, he had to come good because I am no longer melted by beautiful words, but by a beautiful mind. I became more vigilant because I now know what I wanted and was looking for in a relationship. There are many benefits to be gained by singleness so Ladies, Pamper yourself, Enjoy your alone time, See your inner and outer beauty, Talk to yourself, Find yourself. Your aim is not to take over the world or rule. Read Proverbs 31. You are preparing yourself to become a virtuous woman. At the end, you need not say anything to anyone about who you are, they will see and they will talk and your spouse will be satisfied and happy to tell his friendss, what a good woman they have.

The EX and the other Women

Is the ex woman/man affecting your relationship? How so?
During all my relationships, I have never concern myself with the ex or the other women, there was no need to because they were what they are called. I never lost trust over any guy I was involved with because some other woman likes him as far as I was concerned, if I do like why wont they. I have never listened to no friend concerning what he might do when when i am not around. Why should I be stressing about something that might not exist? Have you ever thought about that....anytime you stress your spouse over what your friends think? Now I say think, instead of what they say because that is important. There are times when they say what they saw, there is a difference. You must know your true friends who care about you and if they have seen certain things and share it with you, it is for you to keep an open mind especially if you yourself were already suspicious.

But if your spouse has done nothing wrong. Other girls like him and show it, his ex wants him back, but he has not show any indication that he reciprocates, then why are you stressing yourself and stressing him? Wanting him to give up all female friends, tense up when girls are around etc Wouldn't it be easier to enjoy your relationship? It seems though that some ladies enjoy the competition and without another woman or ex to compete with, they cannot enjoy a relationship. They want to get up in  someone's face and say how sexier they are and how the man doesn't want them and if they do not see they are old news... they just don't like the competition but the argument. 

Why do you think some girls remain with the guy they know cheating on them? Is it always love...oohh i am so in love with him, isn't he hurting you? There are times I believe they just want to have an argument with him and then talk to their friends about how the make up sex was sooo good. Where is your value? Where is your worth? Why are you the one who is fighting for him? If the ex is indeed the ex and the other woman is just that, then I am sure the word to the haters or to the other women/ex etc really is a waste of precious time that can be invested in improving your relationship with your man.

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

The essence of my relationship with my husband

Do you remember how you met your spouse? Did you think that you would have been together today?
When I  got married, I was asked to present my story to the UWI Connect Magazine because it was because of my husband and I tenure at UWI why we met...hmmm

Well for one thing if I have never attended UWI, I would have never met my husband, so I guess that's a plus there but I need to big up Facebook to. Read on and you would know why...

I actually met my husband at a hockey match between UWI and UTECH, for which he was representing UWI. At that time, it was what you would called just a flirt...I was close to the end of my tenure at UWI and so I never know would could have been then lol...However that summer he added me on facebook :) Yep and so the story of Rahsaan and Rose-Ann began... So thumbs up to social media... We click on every level. I never laugh so much and feel at ease with someone. We knew however that we were distance apart and well it was social media...Can you really know someone on it? Well that is a question for you. For me, I  returned to Jamaica for further studies and well then if what we started is real then it would last. Things just got sweeter. What is right about us?

  1. If at any point in your relationship you find yourself acting, then something is WRONG!. We are comfortable with each other for everything. Here are some silly things people pretend with: the way they eat and how much they eat, the things they like or dislike or the way we laugh (trying to stifle it or something). In some cases we pretend to put forward a certain image or to say we have some things in common. If you are thinking LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP, then don't bother with that. What is in the dark must come to light so be yourself so that when your husband smiles, you know it is real and you caused it. My mother-in-law referred to us as 2 peas in a pod.
  2. We can talk about anything and everything. How about you? There are some relationships where persons have a great problem with this. For example, a Christian couple who cannot talk about God or pray together and they are both Christians, yet they feel awkward. I know I have experienced that before and looking back, I guess it was telling me something. I have been in church where I see persons who are normally actively singing, praising, clapping etc, sit down because they brought their spouse that Sunday. Think about it.
  3. My husband normally say that I am not a normal woman lol. Even my brothers would say that lol I have been hearing that long time. For example, I love action and martial arts movies and I dont like dramas. I don't like Life time lol Television for women. The thing is with that we share the same likes in movies and it makes it easy when choosing movies to watch. What do you have in common? Remember too that what might make you wrong for someone else, makes you right for another.
  4. We complement each other. I love to chat and he is very quiet. Someone must always listen when the other speaks. It is easy for me to listen when my husband speaks because it is like music to my ears as he does not talk much and because he finds me interesting lol I never bore him to death. The thing is communication is key to a relationship. Two talkative persons can work, but the skill of listening must be developed so that at some point in the conversation one is willing to listen
  5. We both love to laugh and when we start, at times is the floor holding us. It is just us two and we are enjoying it. Do you know how much stress laughing takes out a relationship? I love to talk nonsense and he loves to hear it. Who is the comic in the relationship? What is the essence of your relationship?

Monday, 14 May 2012

Do we dress to impress

Do you see the way some people dress these days? In some cases, almost clothes less and even when the clothes are there, the transparency is so clear, you are in view of everything. Now if you should ask those people why do they wear those clothes or if they are trying to impress somebody, in most cases they might say they just feel like, they are just being themselves and no...they really don't care what people think. I begged to differ.

Hot and sexy is just two of the terms that have replaced words like beautiful and lovely in today's modern society. We all like to look good but I am of a strong opinion that whether consciously or sub consciously, ladies do not just put on certain clothes items because its how they think they want to hear, they are looking hot and sexy, but how far would we go to hear those words is the question. 

Looking good is one thing. You can wear shorts, spaghetti straps, pants, dress, tights and look good. The clothes can be cheap or expensive and you can still pull off a good look. Accomplishing a good look can yield as many favourable comments as you would like without you losing yourself and favour in it. How can we loose ourselves by our dress? Well here are a few pointers to consider:
  • People tend to judge you by the way you dress even those who commented and say you are sexy, in their minds are saying otherwise. Don't say you dont care because you do
  • It is sad when you certain words such as 'bitch', 'slut', 'bad', etc are used against your name when you know that you are nothing like that. Well the way you dress say those things to some people.
  • Future relationships...marriages. Do you ever notice that generally men who marry, hardly ever chooses the persons they took to the parties in their skimpy clothing, but rather when they choose their wives they can call them sexy when they are clotheless because only their eyes seeing, but other than that the words beautiful, attractive, wonderful, lovely are how they and other people describe their wives.
  • Cant we pull off a look than is hot enough to gain favourable comments without loosing our essence?
Ill like to hear from anyone on this topic: Do we dress to impress?

Who attracts us...Are they right for us

When I was younger, a certain type of man attracted me. QUIET, HANDSOME, TALL men. It really did not matter how they dress, their status in terms of money, if they drive a car etc. My key characteristic was they are quiet. Even then, we would talk about whether they are shy or sly. I love a man who I had to read and question their thoughts, for me it was like conquering a puzzle. Well I marry one such quiet man, but he was not my first relationship.

Some women love 'bad boys'. Is it that they want someone who would abuse them in their life? I doubt it but sometimes in wanting the 'macho' man we end up with the abuser. So I ask the question...Do you think the person who attract us is always right for us?