Thursday, 18 April 2013

Why I chose my man?

Hardly ever does someone marries their first love. Also in today's world you will find that a woman is not single because she has not been approach by any men, but rather, she was not approach by the RIGHT man. What is the right man?

I have gone through several different relationships in my life, fell in love and in most cases, without falling out of love the relationship ended because that man was not the right man for me. Do you know that you can still have feelings for a person, but just have to leave?

My goals in  relationship were the following:

  • A man who attracts me. I really need that chemistry, that allure, that sexiness etc etc Of course there are many men out there with it. In fact, it is found in a lot in 'bad' guys; the one who smokes, drinks, party hard, have a lot of women etc...No wonder so many women are caught up with them, but is it enough?
  • Secondly, I want a man who loves and have a relationship with God. Even when I wasn't living a right life and flirted a lot, I knew those 'relationships' were temporary because they were not my man of God.You might wonder, why didn't I mention it first. It is not because it is not the first thing I seek out, but because before a man approaches me, the first thing I notice is not how Christian he is, but how handsome he is. The Christian talk comes with conversation during the relationship, but the physical is the first thing you will see. I guess that is why sometimes Christian women get caught up with unsave men...they can't get pass that chemistry, huh?
  • I am attracted to quiet men, who do not talk a lot. Well if you know me, you would know that I have enough conversation for me and my man. I am very talkative. Don't know how it would go down with two 'chatter box' in a house. Still, it was not simply because I talk a lot, but I love the mystery behind a quiet man.
  • I love an ambitious man. Now I said ambitious and  not educated or even rich, not because I want a 'dumsy head', but because I have seen men who did not have it academically, who had a trade that they succeed in and who never settle for mediocre. I love to listen to progressive men, who looks to the future with a plan, not a man who is not sure when he will move out his parents house, highly dependent on them and have no intention of sorting out his own life as if he would be young forever or waiting for his parents to die to get the dead left.
  • Lastly, I want a man who I can trust. Now people may wonder how do you figure that one out and I cannot give a direct answer. For me I go with my gut. It is like this third sense. If a man is a cheater, I just get this feeling from beginning and know that this is not a relationship, might be a flirt, but not a relationship. I have no time or intention of listening to people or checking text messages, hiring Private Investigator or calling every minute to find out where you are at, who you are with, why you are home late etc. If I have any feeling at all that will cause me to be going crazy doing those things, I gone, that's the end of me and you. So with my husband, I live my life smoothly and with no worries. I am highly secure not because cheating is impossible, but because I trust him that much to believe he would not. Should he cheat, I would not know lest I see it with my own two big eyes and even then I might doubt what I see.
So there are men who have asked me why this guy and not me. If you check my short list above, you would realise you have failed at least one of my major pointers. My man is my man, not because he is perfect, but because he is perfect for me. 

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

Marriage is hard work, not just a simple romantic ride!

My husband and I recently became part of a couples ministry at our church and I must say it is fun and interesting. One day I listen to the pastor, who is married for over 25 years expressed how much work his wife and him put into their marriage just to ensure that it last, even though they love each other. He explained all the marriage sessions, workshops etc they attend just so that they can learn how to be creative and keep their marriage exciting.

There are many who think love can do it all by itself. They enter their marriages with no plans, but an idea that their love and actions during the relationship will take them through. I am sure there are many divorcees out there who will beg to differ. Marriage is hard work and unlike relationships outside of marriage you cannot simply walk away, not without fighting those legal battles. Why, however, think about your marriage ending, while you can be focusing on making it work?

When I got married, I said it was for the long run and I think we all say that, but I really do not believe in divorce and remarrying so it really has to go for the long run. Anyway, even though we don't curse and fight (really), we face obstacles from time to time and I get upset as I am sure he does at times, but again we never argue. What I do is look at MYSELF. That's the first thing. Many times persons can point out the many faults of their spouse but cannot name one that they have. Isn't that strange?  I really don't believe there is a perfect man/woman out there. Many times in looking at MYSELF I see where I am over reacting or where I have contributed, although there are times I am good to approach my other half and say it is all you. The thing is even though he doesn't say it, I think he looks into himself too, because one thing preventing us from arguing is that at the end we are man or woman enough to say we were wrong, we are sorry and move on.

What I am saying to you is what you (plural) want for your marriage is what you should be willing to work for. Don't have objectives and yet seek out miracles. Don't expect from your partner without first expecting from yourself. Do not become too overly focus on what your partner isn't doing right while failing to see what you are doing wrong. Set goals and try your best with whatever little or big resources you have to achieve them. Additionally, GET INVOLVE in marriage seminars, workshops, ministry etc. Enjoy your marriage.