Thursday, 30 August 2012

Always attracted to the wrong man
Over the years of dating, I looked at the men that I was attracted to, some I had relationships with and others I stayed far from because I would have been a fool. It is strange that many wonder how the good girls get the bad men or the good men get the bad girls. Do you think that in general ladies or men says she is bad and I want him/her in my life? I think we genuinely fall in love. So what is it that cause us to end up with a bad guy?

I don't think any woman wants a 'soft' man no matter how nice he is. We don't want anyone we can 'walk over.' We  love to feel the power and authority in a man, so sometimes we test them to see what we can get away with and if we are getting away with everything because he is sooooooo in love then after awhile we get bored. However, in choosing a man with a somewhat macho quality, we at times end up with those who hit and abuse us.

What about his dressing and demeanour? Have you ever heard "I don't want the church boy look or he too holy holy" Strange enough, we tend to be attracted to the bad boy look, the mysterious man, the one who is attractive and shows us the least attention...Sometimes I wonder 'what is that girl doing with him.' He is attractive yes and dress good, but he smokes, drinks, his mouth is consistently filled with profanity and he talks down to you. In his mind, you are lucky to have him and should put up with it because in addition to all those things he might be rich and drives. At no time does he see that he is the lucky one to have you, who are willing to put up with him. Yet, you are in love and he is the one who is very presence electrifies you...He gives you a challenge and you love that. In spite of it all the negatives, there is just something alluring about him that you can't let go. He still attracts women, but he chose you. Yes, strange enough, a lot of us feels empowered when other women are attracted to our spouse. 

So what should you do or maybe the question should be what are you willing to do? If you are looking for a long term relationship, what attracts you is not always what is good for you. So it is all up to you. The aim is to strike a balance. The sexy, mysterious, alluring man who loves you enough to respect you and not abuse you. 

Tuesday, 21 August 2012

I need Space. What does it mean?
I have been in a relationship where the whole talk of space came up. I do not understand much of what it means and here is where you come in. When a person ask for space, does it mean that for a period of time you are no longer together, free to do whatever you want while evaluating your relationship, or does it mean that you are still together but would not be seeing each other for a period of time, and instead be using that time period to evaluate your relationship and see if it is worthy? In the second scenario, all the rules of the relationship are maintained.

I do not really believe in space, but I understand it can help persons to sort out themselves, their relationship and the way forward when genuine. The funny thing though is that in my experience, space is most times used when a person wants to get out of a relationship without bluntly getting out and hurting the other person involve. It is like a soft let down, where you use the time to phase somebody out of your life. Many times when space is requested, the relationship has already gone through a battle and someone is clearly fed up or bored, or one party has seen someone else they like and possibly already start talking to and they don't want to say to their spouse, 'hey, found someone else,  I am fed up of my boring life with you, I am moving on.' Yea,but how can they say that when they have already met each other's family, been together for awhile, intertwine in a network of relationships of persons known to both spouses whose voices screamed...when is the wedding? They do not know that your relationship lacks zest  and the only thing keeping you together is their voices, their friendship and not wanting to disappoint, so you ask for space.It is easier.

Well that is just my experience, what is your understanding of space, is it necessary, based on what you know or experience, is it genuine? Looking forward to your comments. 

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Friday, 17 August 2012

Premarital Counselling: How to approach it
While I was going through premarital counselling, I asked the pastor how many persons changed their minds during that time. He said none. It is not that I think premarital counselling is not important, but I think the timing is very wrong.

If you have already set your date, bought your dress and other things for the wedding, sent out invitations and you are basically planning and organizing, how likely do you think it is to change your mind if something comes up in the counselling session? I believe whatever is, either you might not hear it or you might figure you can work it out or it wouldn't be an issue after marriage. I believe you would not have an open mind. 

So my suggestion would be to start your premarital counselling as soon as you realize you are in the relationship for the long haul. Sometimes couples talk about getting married, before the engagement takes place, other times they get engage, but no date is set yet. Whatever the case, I believe premarital counselling should take place before you start planning for your wedding and definitely before invitations have been sent out. How should you approach premarital counselling?
  • With an open mind- Keep in mind the counselling is to find out if you are actually ready for marriage. The level of compromise and sacrifice marriage requires, mean that both partners must be ready for that approach.
  • Ready to communicate honestly- A lot of questions would be asked and a lot of important issues would come out during the counselling, but only if both partners are honest and communicate freely. Do not keep things in your heart because you are trying to prevent anything that might prevent your wedding. Counselling might just prevent you from making a decision that would affect the rest of your life. Remember marriage is long term and in your heart divorce should NOT be an option. Talking does not mean you would  not get married to your partner, it just help you to recognize some of the issues early, whether or not you can deal with them and how.
  • With little publicity about your wedding- Publicizing your wedding to be before counselling makes it harder if at the end you are told by your counselor to wait. Not wanting to be embarrassed, have made a lot of persons make decisions that that they now regret. If people do not know, you can put off your wedding or push back the date without any extra pressure.
  • Most importantly, willingness to change your set decision. If you are not, then counselling is not necessary. 
Maybe you have some suggestions of your own and want to share. Maybe you want to share your own experience with premarital counselling. Looking forward to hear from you.

Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Re-adjusting after University

How many persons find it difficult to re-adjust after returning home from university? I know I cannot be alone on this. After you spent years in another country or another part of your country depending on the size, living on your own, learning new things, observing new cultures and developing your identity, it is difficult.

At the university, I attended, there are students who do not seem to want to leave school. They may find themselves stretching out one degree, switching from degree to degree, doing more than one first degrees and when they finish school, there are some who return on evenings after work to lime on the campus. 

You see, many of us were living at home with our parents before leaving for university. For some, we never spent no big amount of time away from home and probably were sheltered with overprotective parents. So when we get to university, especially in another country, it was a new life. 

There are many whose lives are directionless after university. We return to our country only to see things have changed tremendously or it is still the old, plain, boring country or state we have left. We tried to live in our old homes, but it is hard...maybe it's too noisy, maybe our parents have not seen how we have changed and matured and still want to treat us like their young child, maybe there we do not feel free...The places to visit, may no longer interest us, our old friends might have changed...

How is it for you after leaving university? And most importantly, what aided in your readjustment?

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Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Misconceptions: What would you add?

  • Once you are from a foreign country, you are rich. Yea right!
  • All Africans are black
  • All Asians are Chinese
  • The Caribbean is one place. Ever heard, "I'm going to the Caribbean?"
  • Once you have enough money, you'll be happy. 
  • All chinese know karate lol 

You can add your own, if you have or ever observe any. And remember to like the blog.

Saturday, 11 August 2012

Riding First Class: My first experience

Well I am usually one to ride economy as it is what I can afford. However, I travelled First Class to Jamaica recently because it was the only flight available and I wish to share why persons may choose First Class even though it is expensive.

At the airport, besides having your luggage tagged First Class, you are given a pass for a lounge within the airport designated to you who are SPECIAL to them. I did not use it as it was up some stairs and I was not feeling well enough to climb stairs.

Then there is the in-flight service...
As soon as you sit on the plane, you are greeted by your name and offered a glass of fruit juice. Then you are given a menu with drinks and entrees to choose from. Throughout the journey you can be sipping on champagnes, liquors, fruit juices, wines etc I looked at the lady next to me as she seem to want to get her money worth. I said to myself, she wouldn't be able to stand when this plane landed. 

We had lunch in style too. First, you are brought a hot towel to wipe and clean your hands. You are on your own in economy class :) Then the attendants came by in their most courteous of tone, to find out our entree order. Our choices...Roti and curry chicken, lamp chops with potato and  steamed fish with roasted potatoes. You are also given garden salad and bread roll (choice between wheat and white) and then out comes the airline branded silverwares and table cloth.Yea! 

When think of it, your mouth can be going throughout the flight sipping on something. The only disappointment is no dessert. I found that out when the same lady next to me asked lol. Well we paid for it. Would I do it again? Maybe with my husband, once per year or 2 years lol. I can only afford economy, but for my one time, First Class was a nice treat.

Friday, 10 August 2012

Respecting and Supporting Teachers
This morning, my husband, a teacher by profession, got a call from a parent asking him to assist her child with SBA (it was suppose to be done, before school went on holidays, but he wasted time). Let me say here that teachers are on 'vacation'. I immediately remembered while I was home, on two occasions, I heard two different parents talked about they couldn't wait for the holidays over to 'get rid of' their children and the holidays of teachers being so long. 

How come teachers can have a child for 9 months during the year, for most of the day if I should add and  a parent cannot seem to be able to stand their child/children for 2 little months? I guess only teachers can have that question or parents can understand it, but as a teacher I am baffled. I am baffled at the parent who called my husband bright and early this morning to get him to come down school to assist her child with SBA, even though I understand he might need some extra help. It is just that being a teacher myself, I get the impression that many think that the 2 months holiday is too long or when you are on it you have nothing else to do but think about when the time will end so that you can go back to teach. I feel deeply that many persons do not understand the job of a teacher and the workload the position carries.

Let me share who a teacher is and what a teacher does based on my personal experience.

We are teachers whose work does not end at 3pm when we might leave school. There is not enough time in the hours given on the job to carry out the job description, which includes lesson plans, teaching, disciplining,counselling, marking and club/sporting duties etc. We are also parents to these very children. I remembered distinctly one parents' day, I spoke to a parent about her son, seeking some assistance from the mother of the child in disciplining the child, the mother instead asked for my help as the teenager would reach in the house at night though school finishes at 3pm. I realised then that I had more power than the parent as she begged me please to help her. I also found out that there are students who trust, respect and listen to teachers more than their own parents. Believe it or not. The things we have to listen to and counsel these students about and the encouragement a good teacher would give to motivate their students to excel, some parents never give to their children. 

Still there are times, when parents come with their child on their child's words without even seeking the entire truth from both sides, ready to 'beat up' teachers, our salaries are still small and the 'vacation' given throughout the year still seems too much for us. About that vacation, I choose to put it inverted commas because at any time we can be called during that time for workshops etc. It is not really ours. We are still expected to apply for our true vacation, but we are expected to apply when school is out. Aren't we then restricted? Hmmm.That is not an issue still. What I would request though is respect and support for teachers and when school is out, give us the time to spend with OUR families with no interruptions. 

Monday, 6 August 2012

I love track and field. It is probably the only sport I can watch LIVE without getting bored.

So I listened as the women's 100m final was announced. Pryce was my girl to the end. I watched the Semis leading up to it and I knew Jetter would have been the competition, but she pushed hard in the Semis while my Pryce simply cruised. So I figured even if she should win, she would have to work EXTREMELY hard. 

The ladies were ready to race, but no way were they as scared as I was. I could not sit, I could not stand. I went to the foot of my husband, palms covering my eyes. I peered through my fingers as the shot went off, it was somewhere in the middle of the race, I realised my hands were no longer over my eyes, but I am not sure if I was breathing. The next thing I knew I was screaming through sounds of screams, shouts, horns etc in Jamaica. Yes!!! Pryce had won and to all who thought differently I said "Pryce to the World"

My next big race was the men's 100m. This would have been my favourite because I love to see men run. I watched Asafa slowed down in his Semis as if he never wanted to win or maybe he thought he was way out front or maybe he never wanted to compete in the finals under so much pressure, I don't know, but I found it strange he slowed down to third position, then had to wait to be a fastest loser.
I then watched Bolt flew past his competitors and when he slowed down, I knew he had reasons to, after all he was a metre or more in front his competitors. I looked for to the Semis with Blake, the beast and Gay. Of course Blake was going to win, but again I could not breathe, I could not watch and then CURRENT  WENT... JPS ARE YOU SERIOUS? I was so upset. I am in Jamaica, the fastest runners are Jamaicans, how can JPS (the electrical company), do this to meeeeeeeeeee.....

You know I had to watch the replay later that day, but it was not the same. I had gotten the information via facebook and BBM before. I knew who the winner was. Hmmm... I welcomed the anxiety and the adrenalin rushing through my veins during these track and field. I like not being able to sit, wanting to use the bathroom, afraid to look, covering my eyes with my hands or a blouse...JPS took that away from me, but still I salute the Jamaican runners. You did again!!! To boy!