Friday, 26 July 2013

Is it a big deal if your spouse looks at another woman?
There is a lot of drama in relationships because one party makes their eyes go where they shouldn't. Many times, women get upset or maybe even angry if they caught their man looking at another woman. Should they be? I often asked myself.

 I think at times it is dependent on how secure you feel in the relationship. Depending on how secure you feel, it would not worry you if your spouse looks at another lady. Nevertheless, there are many women who have been cheated on and still remain with their boyfriends, some even go as far as marrying their cheating boyfriends and then expect miracles afterwards. Hence, they continue to live in a state of drama, worry and fear. If his eyes cross to the other side, they vex. I do not think they should be. If you are with a cheating man and you know that and in front of you or in your companionship he looks on another woman, to vex, to me is  waste of time. What do you expect from  a cheater? Some women will say have a little respect when they are around. To me, respect is bigger than that. Why sell yourself short to say, babes, please respect me when I am here and do not stare at women like that. Basically, you are saying, you can do it behind my back.

My major reason, however is what I have seen in my own experiences. On the beach, in the street and other places, there are times that I were the first to look on another woman, even before my husband looks, if he looks at all. I also at times point his attention to some of these ladies and start a discussion of having a daughter dress that sexy and going out in the street. There are some beautiful ladies out there, who are super sexy and some times, I look and in my head I say, her skin smooth eh, or her stomach flat eh or wow, those clothes look hot on her.  Can you blame the man for looking? If as a straight woman, they make me look, isn't the man human too? Does looking mean that you want to get in bed? 

I am convinced though that some women's dress in a way to make any weak man fall, some of these weak men even rape and I am not in any way saying that the men have a right to rape woman who dress provocatively and look hot. I am simply saying that there are some already messed up men out there that if you help them a long with your provocative dressing, they will rape you... that's how sexy a lot of women are. They make other women look, they make strong men look, weak men look, pastors look, politician look and at the end of the day we are all human, just looking. It doesn't have to mean a thing... not lust, the need to get closer, nothing. Can 'just looking' be helped when a sexy looking person cross your pathway?

Wednesday, 3 July 2013

To be cheated on by your Christian spouse...

It is not easy falling in love and getting married, only to live a life with a man or woman who is cheating, especially if that person is suppose to be a Christian. As Christians at times, when two non-Christians get married or one Christian and a non-Christian and  the non-Christian cheats, we say things like what you expect, he/she needs the Lord, they should have seen it coming etc However, when it is two Christians and one cheats, we are lost for words, or say, he/she was never saved. Still my focus is not on the cheating, but what happens after, how it affects the other partner.

It seems that some Christian ladies and males become so distraught when their Christian spouses cheat that it shakes their very own Christianity. Some end up backsliding and I wonder why. Is it because they want to remarry and their church is against divorce? Is it that the core of their relationship with Christ was dependent on their relationship with their spouse? Is it that they are so angry and bitter against their spouse that to go to church and remain in Christ creates extra stress because they cannot forgive or don't want to? Is it the need for sex? There could be so many reasons and one can even understand some of the reasons, but is the lost of one relationship with their spouse worth the lost of their relationship with God?

Growing up in church, even when I was not a Christian or live a committed life, I knew that I wanted a husband who was a Christian. I wanted a family that will go to church together and pray together. I did not want to leave my husband at home and I got that when I get married, but I also bear in mind that a human is a human and even when you have a beautiful relationship, disruptions sometimes take place that you did not foresee even when you thought you were most vigilant. Hence, an important part of my life was to make God the centre of attraction. I tell myself as sweet, loving and caring my husband is, I do not know what the future holds and although I want us to have a 'til death do us part' experience, it might not happen. Should my relationship ends before such time, God forbid, my prayer is find refuge in my true love, Christ, to draw close to him and get so wrapped up in him and his works that I will receive the healing of the heart that is needed to get over my spouse. I urge every married Christian couple to evaluate exactly where Christ is in their life in comparison to their spouse. You might think he is first, but when you start your evaluation, you realize Christ is second and should this be the case, the lost of a husband/wife may mean the lost of your relationship with Christ.