When a Woman beats a Man: Domestic Abuse and Societal Response

It was only a few months ago, a video popped on Facebook of a woman in the Seaview community, Kingston Jamaica, beating a man who was not even retaliating. I looked at the video as she burst bottles in his head and as one broke, she took up another while holding him at the collar.

What was disturbing?

People stood there for most parts enjoying a show.

Some were videotaping, more so as entertainment rather than evidence.

Yesterday, again there was a similar video on Facebook. 

This time in my homeland, St.Vincent, in the community of Calder. A big, tall 'strapping' woman collared an old, short, grayed man and slapped him till his face began to bleed. He sat on the ground while pleading with persons looking on or passing by for help and what the woman did while he is there screaming? She lift up her heavy, bleached out foot and kicked him.

I listened to the laughter in the background and my blood boiled in vexation. 

How would this have been different if the men was beating on these women?
How many persons would have rushed into help?
Is the reaction of police/law enforcers different when it is the man that is getting beating?

Let me tell you how people would have reacted it was a woman getting the licks. Many would have rushed to her rescue. Instead of laughing in the background, you would hear people cursing the man and someone would have called the police. The police would have locked that man up and even if they only see the video, I believe they would have investigated.

Why not when it is the opposite way around?

I wondered, do persons have to report crime before charges are pressed? Suppose these persons fear for their lives and so are afraid to report it? Can these videos that have gone viral on social media act as evidence?


I have witnessed firsthand the abuse of woman by man and it changed my life forever. I vowed I would never be hit by no man. I felt my mother had taken enough  for us both. I warned every guy I have ever dated. I begged them please, for the sake of my life and theirs, they walk a way because I will not take a hit from no man. So you understand even more why these situations make me mad

My disturbance is not only about men beating woman, I am also very pissed by the opposite. These women prey on men who either cannot help themselves or who they know would not retaliate. And yes, at times,  I asked myself, where is your manhood? Retaliate and hit her hard! It upsets me that much and I should not think like that, but when I see women beating men, the picture that comes to mind is when someone throw water on an abused street dog (especially mongrel dogs) or hit them, how they run screaming with their tails between their legs. so this gets me extremely mad and I wondered where are there families?

We are in a age where words such as GENDER BALANCE, GENDER EQUALITY, GENDER EMPOWERMENT are echoed by international and local organizations. 

For most parts, these are all about making things right for women and I agree we need this. However, the above videos highlight some issues that we need to deal with even as we talk Gender.

There are some men who needs to be empowered!
Society's perception towards domestic abuse of men needs to be changed!
Some women needs psychological help because they are worse than many men!

Ugly in High School

For a while now, I have been pondering on this topic  and I finally decided to blog on it, not simply because of my own personal experiences, but also my observations as a high school teacher for a few years.

I remember vividly, my very first day attending the St. Joseph's Convent, Kingstown. I was walking through Paul's Lot with my head down, when I heard someone said something to me. I looked up and saw a St. Martins Secondary School guy who was very tall and probably in Form 4 or 5. He was asking name and other questions. I looked at him, cast my eyes in the direction I was going and did not respond once. He talked until he got to the top of the hill and then he said bye. Even then, I said nothing.

Maybe he was disappointed. Maybe he questioned himself. Maybe he thought I was 'fresh', but I was shy, lack self-confidence and had a low self-esteem. In addition to that, and probably exacerbated by those very qualities, I had trust issues. He was a young man and was out for one thing. After all, what could he possibly see in me, a girl with thick, natural hair that for most parts carried two large cane rows, no pierced ear etc.

As I settled in high school with my friends, I realized that there were cliques. Whether knowingly or unknowingly, the have-nots had grouped themselves together, the brown skinned 'beauties' and 'haves' (rich) had also grouped themselves and the villagers, those persons who came from the same community, had grouped themselves together. I looked at the group who were involved in netball, had boyfriends, into dancing or singing etc and in my opinion, they were pretty. The only thing that stood out for me was my brain. I was doing well in school. Outside of that, no one knew me and probably would have never known me. My English was country-like; I spoke dialect which was looked down on because you were speaking 'bad', my dressing was poor, often times I was late for school, I can only afford the minimum with food and my skirt would not stay pleated no matter how hard my mother tried with the wet cloth and the iron that was heated on the stove. I didn't think I was pretty.

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Did other guys approach me? Yes, but I compared them to that of my friends and I thought, how come the ugly ones are the ones who approached me, and the sexy, handsome looking ones approached them. I realized that sense of what was beautiful/handsome was defined by certain features and complexion. Still, even when I was approached by what I regarded as handsome, I thought, they just wanted to use, abuse, misuse and leave. In some ways, it helped because my antenna was always up.

I did not meet bullies in high school, but when I entered college, I remembered passing a guy who referred to me as 'Swan Princess' and I smiled, but one, out of a group of girls standing with him, was seemingly upset by the statement and did not hesitate to question where is the swan princess, while her friends laughed. I did not respond, but it was at that point I knew that bullies, women bullies, do exist and when grouped, can be intimidating. By then, I was a bit more confident, but not enough, not to be affected. After all, this is the same girl who was nicknamed and teased about many things including my blackness and my big eyes. They were in the latest brand, their skirts were short and that was deemed sexy, while my was knee length, some were cheer leaders and they had money; they drive in and out of the college yard, whether in their own cars or their friend's.

I encouraged myself that one day, I will get a job and would be able to buy myself nice things and look just as great or even better. I also took solace in the statement made by some of my friends that these girls were like ripe bananas being passed from hand to hand by a group of boys that called themselves "The conspirators". Whether it was true or not at that point, did not matter to me. I felt boosted and better than they were. They might have been pretty on the outside, but I had inner beauty.

When I began working, I was still a work in progress, but I looked at many of my students and I saw their low self worth. Many did not consider themselves to be beautiful. I realized then that the impact of this can be even more grievous because as soon as affection was shown by the opposite sex, they give in. Some got used as their names got caught up in 'sex'conversations about who sleep with whom, when and where. Even those that I found to be very beautiful did not defined themselves as such and with the abuse they were suffering, they were losing both their inner and outward beauty. I decided to use every opportunity to listen to them, encourage them and show them their worth. Something I still practice today. You are beautiful and will stay beautiful as long as you defined yourself as beautiful.

Throughout my life, I have used my negative situations to push me to be the best I can be. The very blackness and bold eyes that were ridiculed in my childhood, is what many Rastas admire. I am an Empress, an African, a strong Black, Beautiful Woman. Thank you my African brothers.

I look back at many whom I thought were handsome, they have destroyed their lives through alcoholism and drug abuse and have lost that beauty. I looked at the guys whom I thought were not as handsome and they, like myself, have grown. They are successful, well groomed and well built.

I have grown in confidence and worth by speaking to the woman in the mirror. I set my own standards and aimed for them. I am not beautiful like you, I am beautiful like me and what a darn beauty I am!

Whey de Chikungunya gone?

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Me dey ah Jamaica and ah like ah one swarm ah mosquitoes hit the country. One minute, yo na hear nutten bout Chik-V, the next thing yo know, it pon all the news stations right throughout the Caribbean and even some in America. One news pon the Jamaica TV show d mosquitoes in Portmore big like helicopters. It was so dramatic when in the midst ah the broadcast, you see the reporter ah kill mosquitoes. The worse part is when dem show you a homeowner sweep them up in ah heap. Yes in ah one big heap. Me never see that yet. Most times, mosquitoes buzz ah yo ears and if yo lucky fi catch one, that is when yo ah go see it.

Me ah hear businessmen ah complain how production job because workers ah call in sick since the mosquito drop. Principals, teachers and school pickney out ah school, Pain up from the Chik-V attack. Is like d whole ah Jamaica mash down.

Ministries start to try help d problem. Dem ah fog and ah beg ppl fi implement some strategies like removing tyres and anything that catch up water. Use yo mosquito repellants  dem say, me even haffi send one ah school with me child.

People ah speculate whey dis mosquito come from. And me ah ask meself the same thing? Is this the last days when there will be rumours of wars and pest and diseases etc? Some ppl believe that is ah biological weapon, ah population control that some first world country ah try fi implement. Dem ah test it pon we. What a conspiracy!

Me never want believe, but now me affi wonder, where the chikungunya gone? Did the mosquito evolve into the one them now ah call ZIKA whey ah mek babies born with some sort ah deformity. Ah whey it gone? Did we goverment put een some very effective mosquito eradication programme? Ah whey it gone? Is it that we develop some farm ah immunity? Ah whey it gone? Did d people who dem say mek e biological weapon an release it pon we, send out ah  chemical to kill dem off and now dem ah test ah different one? Ah whey e gone? Somebody tell me how come the Chik-V just drop down pon we dry dry so and dem it left we and send it cousins. Ah whey d chikungunya gone?

Education Revolution or Stagnation? No more come Collin, Come Pam!

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This morning, I had a conversation with my brother who was quite concerned about the magnitude of school work his 7 years old was taking home as homework assignments. The concern was more so the fact that my nephew, who is quite intelligent and generally performed in the top 3 of his class, could not read or understand some of the words and language and so would not be able to effectively execute the assignment without assistance from his parent. You may say, nothing is wrong with that, but it raised a number of questions and issues that I have been pondering on and even discussed with some colleagues some time back. One of the major questions stemming from this is what if the parents are unable to assist their child/children?What is they are illiterate?

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I cannot understand the objective or vision of those who sat down and wrote the syllabus for primary school children that cannot be finished within the terms allotted which have led to them either doing after school classes or having a GREAT amount of homework assignments. Why so much homework? This is not a St.Vincent thing because I have seen it right here in Jamaica. What exactly is the vision of those within the educational system, the decision makers? What structures did you put in place to support your vision? What I am observing is a structure that supports the middle class and the rich and continues to widen the gap of those who are poor; those who cannot afford to hire a private tutor or to spend on after school lessons or to teach their children to read and write. Some of them cannot even afford to buy books.

If you are a teacher, you will understand this other issue depending on the level of the school you are teaching. I have taught for a number of years at the Intermediate High School, Kingstown St.Vincent and one of the major barriers to teaching students Geography was that they could not read. If a student, cannot read then we have a multitude of other problems to deal with. Attempts were made to add some remedial sessions, but it was ineffective for a number of reasons. For one, it is hard for anyone to be doing remedial work while at the same time trying to complete a syllabus. The system was not set up so that the slow students are screened and given a workload suitable for them. It could not be set up like that. Too many students in too small a classroom and we have to be making space for those who are coming in.

It was also clear to me as a teacher, the frustration that the students suffer. Often times, they 'skull/bun' (do not attend) classes and end up in fights and other terrible activities because they lack interest in school. What are the root causes for their lack of interest? I am quite certain that if we investigate further, we will realize that some of these students are fearful that they might be picked on to answer a question and end up looking dumb, uncomfortable to be in a class where they are not learning anything and embarrass at their own lack of knowledge, while others are succeeding.  This is even worse when the teachers and other students call them dumb/ 'dumsey head'. Still, I recognized that there were students who, if you ask them a question associated with the subject area, they may answer and get it right. Put it on an exam, they FAIL! Why? They cannot read!

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I asked myself recently, is learning still fun or is it a burden? No more come Collin, Come Pam. Just homework assignments to get the best grades possible. Let them get into the best high school and set their 12 subjects while taking their dance lessons, their swim lessons, sports and of course, they must learn an instrument. Get your 12 distinctions in both business and science subjects so that I can stick my swell nose in the air as I read the newspaper and let my colleagues and friends know that my child is going to be both a doctor and a businessman. Surely, there must be a reason behind parents and teachers encouraging their children to do 12 subjects. Is learning still fun? Are kids having fun? Do they have a social life separate and apart from books? Are they enjoying reading?

I looked at my own life and the life of many influential business men and women, doctors and lawyers and many do not have more than 8 subjects, but it seems like something was wrong with that. Many can look back at their childhood and relate memorial experiences that have shaped them because they had a life outside of books. Many will reminisce on some funny stories that they read growing up and I wonder are these children stories still funny. Still, it seems that there is need to push our children beyond so that they can live their life and ours. Or maybe it goes back to those in the educational system, who wants to make a name for themselves and instead of putting structures in place for where the system is broken, they decided to change it all together and mess it up more than it was before.

I want to end by saying that, at the age of 1, my husband collected our daughter from daycare and was given a booklist to purchase 2 books valued about JA$2000. each. I was shocked, but even more so when she comes home one evening with homework. What!! While some of it involved simply colouring, others involved making a map of Jamaica, getting pictures of national heroes etc. I thought to myself, she is only 1. Now she is 2, I am scared. Where are we going with our education revolution as a Caribbean people?

The Chris Gayle Saga: Identifying the deeper Issues

Hot on the social media sites is the whole of issue on Chris Gayle making what was deemed as 'inappropriate' and 'unprofessional' when he made a pass at the interview by asking her on a date. I viewed several media clips and I  too must agree that there is a time and place for everything and Chris Gayle, that was not the time nor the place. When I first visited Jamaica, I was a bit appalled by the forwardness of the men, overtime I understood that it was a part of their culture. There was no need to get offended by the 'babes' and 'honey' because that is how some Jamaican men speak to ladies, but regardless, these men need to understand ALL are not Jamaican and what appears normal for you, can be deemed quite distasteful and rude by others. Still, what got me is the comments following many of the videos on the social media sites and also some of the statuses, which in some cases, I found appalling. Let me briefly highlight and expand on a few:

1. The differing opinions of the men versus the women- When I reviewed some of the comments made by men versus the women, I was a bit shocked that while some men could have said that Chris, you are wrong. You have to learn the definitions of the when and the where, there were some women out there wondering what Chris Gayle did wrong. They did not see anything wrong with it at all. They missed the point completely. People it is not about whether he chose to ask an attractive reporter out, but when/where he chose to do it.

One woman stated that 'they' (I guess referring to the public) are behaving like if he committed a crime. I am hoping that she does not mean that something like this should not be a 'big deal' and should be swept under the carpet. Clearly, it is a big deal because of the international platform where our Jamaican brother, who is quite aware that there are many negatives things out there about Jamaicans and Jamaican men that we really do not want to add. Surely, Chris Gayle knows that his good looks and international record does not give him a free pass to ask out any woman he feels like, whenever he feels like it and where ever he feels like it. Surely he knows that if someone of his status can do something like this, it is going to look bad on all Jamaican men because that is what people do, they brand a country and its people by the acts of one. Sad, but true and instead of saying, who gives a darm, let us gives a darm when it matters.

Other women commented, some with expletives, about it being a joke and also how much of a hero Chris Gayle would have looked like if he was a 'batty' man. Apparently, if he was a homosexual and make a pass at the reporter, he would have been a hero. To this, I say, when you look at a video and read other people's comments and you are about to write one that will simply highlight your stupidity, shut up. Old people say what is joke fi pickney ah death fi crapo. You run jokes with your friends, your brethren, people that you know can take it and smile... if it is a joke that is. You do not run joke on public television with a stranger. And about the homosexual comment...really!

2. My second point has to do with the whole empowering of women that has been used in statuses relating to the Chris Gayle's behaviour and I agree, women need to be empowered, but I think these days  we are so much focus on the women that we forget our males. As I stated in an earlier blog, " A call for Male Empowerment", we are moving from one extreme to the next. We are forgetting our males. Now, I listened to the response of the reporter to the Chris Gayle's situation and she handled it well and seems very empowered. At the end, she stated she just wanted to move on. Yes, she appears somewhat uncomfortable when Chris Gayle made the statement, maybe more so out of shock and also having to maintain her temperament on public television. Who needs empowerment to me were the women who were agreeing with Chris Gayle's behaviour and found absolutely nothing wrong with it. Conversely, I am calling for some focus on our males. Let when gender is mentioned, we do not just simply think about women even though there is a recognition that we still have a long way to go as it relates to gender balance. Our young males lack proper role models and when they grew up to act in certain ways, we deal with it in a closet as if it has to do simply with the individual, in this case Chris Gayle and what he has said. I do think there are wider societal issues that we are missing. The lack of proper male heads in the home, the high crime rate with men leading, the high male prison population, the ratio of males to females at the tertiary levels, the number of males drop out at the secondary level... It seems to me that our young males need some form of empowerment, role models, mentorship etc Someone needs to teach them how to approach women, timing and how to deliver the few love words, the little courtesies that one should consider rendering and so on.

There are many things that have been said and can be said about the Chris Gayle's saga. In fact, the situation has made him quite 'famous' and may remained that way in the next few days, but then it will pass as have other things. Let us not forget, in that passing wave, the underlying societal issues that may give rise to this form of behaviour. Let us remember our males.

Humbly rose from Poverty to Doctorate

I stood in the audience on my graduation day and for the first time, my eyes welled up with tears as the whole auditorium applauded and shouted words of congratulations to persons they did not know or might not have seen before. For the first time, it was impressed upon me the meaning and size of my accomplishment. I am Dr. Rose-Ann Smith. I never thought that I would have gotten this far, but I had to for  myself and my family. I wish to share my story to you and really do hope that it will encourage someone to press towards their dreams.

I grew up in the small village of La Croix in Mesopotamia Valley in a home to a father who was an alcoholic, but a good father to us. His last name is Diamond, but it in no way suggests  'riches'. After all, my memories served to remind me of the one bedroom house in which myself and brothers grew up with the outdoor wattle and daub kitchen and outside bathroom and toilet, otherwise called a latrine. Later, that home became a two bedroom and we had what was called a 'hall'. I later learnt that the proper name for it was a living room, but then it would seem that only the rich had living room and country people who were mostly poor, had a hall. We did not have light or water so we had to 'droge' water from a stand pipe and a kerosene lamp, candles or a flambo served as light in the night. My mom sold food crops in the market, then she worked at a hotel to clean rooms and make up bed and later as a cook. My life was simple, but for most parts I was contented and outside of the impact of the alcohol that my father drank regularly, I believe that we were happy.

When I looked at my family, I saw and felt the struggle. There were single parents finding it hard to support their kids, but they tried. I saw alcoholics, gamblers, ganja smokers etc etc. Some viewed us as thieves but for most, we were poor people who will not amount to nothing. It appeared as if all our parents and grandparents were uneducated. However, when I listened to stories about my family, I realized that we weren't dumb. Instead, poverty had prevented all our parents from reaching beyond primary school. Sometimes they had to stay away from school to work on the farm or only go to school half day. Roast grindy and sugar water was breakfast or lunch for some. I looked and see how the impact of being poor was trickling down to my cousins. They were dropping out of school. They lack motivation and drive and who can be motivated on a hungry belly. I remembered seeing family members eating boiled banana and butter for lunch/dinner because that was all that can be afforded. I never went hungry, but I remember having to borrow money to buy chicken or to go to school. When I heard people saying, even today, they do not eat chicken back, I do not comment. Rather, I can only thank God for the little protein I got from it growing up, and reminisced on how sweet it was in pelau or stewed down with some roast breadfruit. Yes, chicken back was dog food for some, but it was quite a popular meat in our house. Will I eat it again? Of course and proudly too.

Today, I look at my family and I am proud. Our past is not our present. I am proud because a generation rose up that wanted something different and we were supported by a family who wanted differently for their kids. I am proud of those who learnt a skill even though they did not get their subjects. I am proud of those who finished with their many subjects and who decide to rise beyond. I am proud to be the first to attend university and the first Doctor of Philosophy in my family, to witness the first Attorney-at-law in my family, Saskia Diamond. I am proud to have my cousin Dominique George studying medicine and a brother doing his bachelors in Social Studies Education. I am proud to see both of my brothers becoming great musicians. I still get goosebumps when my younger brother, Brent Williams sings and I am amazed at his lyrical skills. They never went to a music school, but taught themselves to play many instruments. I am proud of the police officers, pastors, coast guard workers, government workers, carpenters, masons etc etc. But most of all, I am proud because when I looked at the crop of us who succeed and is succeeding, I realized that we have all put God first. Let us continue to pave the way of success for our family. Dream BIG!!! Let us not pull down or look down on another, but let us motivate each other. Let us not be selfish in our acts, but live lovingly with each other, edifying our brothers and sisters above ourselves. Let us continue to pray for each other, especially the younger ones who are just getting started in daycare and primary school. Remember always the distance from whence we came and in every thing, let us give thanks to the Most High God. We are Diamonds, Williams and Catos and We are out to make a difference for our families and with our families.

HARD SKILLS VERSUS SOFT SKILLS IN THE WORK PLACE

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When you begin to seriously job hunt, you will hear talk about two sets of skills. These you will definitely identify during the interviews with sometimes the interviewers being more interested in who you are other than what you have accomplished academically. Soft skills goes beyond your academic accomplishments. It is about interpersonal skills which are important in your interaction with others.

At the beginning, this was strange to me. You have the skills for the job so what is the big deal with these soft skills? I have learnt overtime the significance of these soft skills. Firstly, there are so many persons competing with high degrees that you need something to give you the edge. However, it is more than just getting that edge.

As a business owner, you want to see your business grow. You want an environment that will encourage customers. You need people who will make your customers feel welcome and not drive them away with their snobbishness. Have you ever gone into an organization, where you feel like you are being ignored even though the person at the front desk stares you right in your face from time to time or it appears that they have to finish their conversation with their friends whether on the phone or in front of your face before they finally ask how they can help? How about the way they address you after they finally engage you, as if you are a bother and it is not their job?

Outside of this, a business/organization leader needs a team that works well with each other. If they don't, you will spend time trying to manage those issues, precious time that you could have spent investing in making your business more profitable. Even the leader himself needs those soft skills to lead. Who wants a person who talks down to them? Every time you see them you are on egg shells, not out of respect, but fear. Have you ever spoken to anyone who after they finish, you feel like if you can move mountains and you are ready to accomplish the goals of the organization? How about the opposite...a person whose very presence depresses you and by the time they finish speaking you are angered, hurt, just want to go home and never come back, but you just have to because you need the money. In the latter, persons are working, but the organization is not growing and if it does, it is slower than the pace it could have been, had there been a better working relationship amongst the team.

Hard skills are easier to accomplish and sometimes people beat their chests having accomplish these, but they can can never be great leaders until they master the soft skills. According to Investopedia, hard skills are learned and perfected over time, while soft skills are harder to acquire and even change. This is because the soft skills has to do with who we are which determines how we interact with others, rather than what we know. Anyone can acquire the hard skills and maybe even better than you have, but those soft skills is about your PERSONALITY.

So if you are playing a major part in any organization or maybe even a minor part, but some how it appears as if no one likes you, everyone has something negative to say about you and clearly do not want to work with you, assess your soft skills. How well do you work with others and engage people? Is it all about you or are you also interested in them, what they have to say, the role they are playing etc etc While the problem may be them just teaming up against you,  it might just be linked to your interpersonal skills which are yet to be developed. Soft skills are just as important and may be even more important, in some cases, than your hard skills.

Ah Way me Come from....Me nar figet me history: Tribute to Me family

Ah long time, me want to write ah blog about me history. Ah long me what tell somebody say, me nah figet me history. And me going start off by saying me love me family.

Recently, me start to ponder on me family, me think about who ah pastors and pastors wives, who ah lawyer, who ah medical doctor and nurse to be, who ah accountant, who ah teachers etc etc Yes all ah dem in me family and all ah we young.

You know how we get there...by the sweat ah we parents brow. You see we ah country pickney who grow up poor and when me say poor, me na mean the ppl dem who lift themselves out of poverty, but can't seem to drop the word poor from dem vocabulary.

Wen me say poor, me ah talk about the following:

If you never had current and have fi beg fi ice or buy ice to put in ah yo juice. Yo black and white TV, if you happen to lucky, use to wuk with battery and sometimes the darn battery die when you in the midst of a good movie.

We droge water from stand pipe night and day to fill up the drums, buckets and jug. We even had fun doing it at times, racing to see who fah yard fill up the drum the fastest. Of course, me could ah only carry jug, but me remember some cousins ah try fi carry the biggest bucket because it hold more water, but by the time dem run reach home, only half the water in ah e bucket (good times)

Me member when we use to go to shop and the owners ah watch we like we going thief. Dem had a right cause some we family did thief, but na all ah we. Me think dem even use to give me back too much change, just fi say way me go do, dem lucky me bin honest, but me had dem in ah me mind. So me just kno that one day me ah step in that same shop with a title under me name... dem things motivate we

Me remember we use to bathe ah river, but that ah after we done wash we basin ah clothes and hang them out to dry. And den me cousins and I bathe in ah d deep hole or catch crayfish fi the pot later. Me love the deep hole and dey nuff ah we learn to swim (some with we eyes closed under water till we reach from one side to the next ...we butt up, but that ah how we know we out ah the deep part). Den days bin sweet cause we even bathe in we panty and jackey alone and no one watch we, but dem days dey done. After we go home and some ah we, like one cousin me now haffi go bathe again by he mother. But even though others ah we foot white like a kettle ashes as my mother wudda say, all we do ah grease down and we good to go.

If yo poor, den yo must know bout latrine. D worse part was night time when d frogs and cockroaches come out and long time me na see ah latrine and nuff ah we now live in ah wall house with flash toilet. At first it take a little getting use to with water an splash pan yo batty, but it better than the past wars with the cockroaches looking fi bite off yo batty.

Me remember how me use to love when rain come at night, just hearing it pound on we galvanize. Me never know bout house fi seal, a roof over we head was all we need. At times we haffi shift we bed or rain wet we up fi all who dead...yes shift we bed, the scraps ah cloth we spread, but we never mind, in fact we enjoy weselves. Me remember the sweetest times was when we parents lift we by we grandma to go to fete, all ah we just spread out on the ground, till some use to fight fi under d bed...let me pause (me remember me cousin Rochelle who loved under the bed, die very young at only age 18, may her soul rest in peace)

Life wasnt a bed of rose, but we build good memories. We never walk barefoot like we parents to go to school or did we have to come home from school fi lunch and can't go back cause land haffi wuk. We poor, dey bin poorer, but dem mek sure dem do all dem can fi we reach where we r. Sacrifice me nah figet.

So when me say me cousin ah lawyer or doctor, accountant, technicians, pastors, mason or carpenters and when me say me brothers ah teachers , me sis soon come nurse and me soon get me PhD, celebrate with we. If you see any ah we today, don't jealous we, don't covet we. Just member where we come from and continue to pray fi we.

Post Pregnancy- My Body/My Child

Source: http://siklusair.com/pregnant-with-7-babies-keepingkidssafenow

There are many things about pregnancy that people talk about (the birthing experience, the pregnancy glow, the baby etc), but there is one thing that persons might not elaborate so much about and that is the post pregnancy body. Now I have to share something because my pregnancy caused some transformations in my body that I did not mentally prepare for. For one thing, I was so excited, body and looks were the last thing on my mind. Secondly, I really did not think it would happen to me. It was my first child and my skin seems really good. Most of all though, I really thought that after the baby, with a few exercises and dieting, I will get right back to where I was. After all, I looked at some my friends, spoke to a few people and it is like they didn't even have a child. I mean after a few months, they went back to their original state. So believe me when I say I got a surprise of a lifetime and it put me in a state of mind, where I constantly have to speak positive things to myself. Let me tell you my story....

As soon as I found out that I got a confirmed pregnancy from the doctor, I purchased my olive oil and shea butter and I started to grease/oil down like a pig. I remembered a friend of mine told me that her mother-in-law said that  this was what she did throughout her pregnancy and she did not see one stretch mark. Well in spite of all the oil, I oil down, when I entered the latter part of my second trimester, I started to see some tiny lines. I thought to myself, that was nothing. By then, my nose had already gone up a size, my skin was probably 2 shades darker (it went up) and pimples had taken over much of my neck, chest and back. I was not worried or did I care. I was pregnant. I remembered saying to my husband, it did not matter what this child did to my body, We are having a baby! So when I weighed the last time and realized I was over 200lbs, it did not bother me. I hate seeing unnecessary fat and so I knew I'd get it off (or so I thought). When my feet became swollen and I remembered a teacher friend said to me a few years  back, expect your foot size to go up one foot after a baby, it still did not bother me. My feet were  small (7/7 1/2) so what was one size up. Then I had the baby and time began to pass, but the impact of the pregnancy was still upon me.

I began feeling depress. I felt ugly and unattractive. The weight gained went down drastically with breastfeeding, except in the tummy (where it matters most). The fat there is sooo stubborn. As I did a c-section, I could not "tie down" within 3 months or start any exercise until I was granted permission from the doctor. Still, even when I was given the go ahead to exercise, my schedule was so busy with the new born that I could not fit it in. When I lie on my back, my belly skin shake like jello. After months of stretching, there was excess, stretched marked skin. Then there was the navel. For 'umteen' years, ever since I know myself, I had an inverted navel. I loved it. It was what we referred to as sexy navel....the type fit for a bikini. Well my bikini days have ended, over, done. So I revisited my doctor. I wanted to know how soon after a baby, your navel went back in ( it was already passed 3 months for me). I found out that normally it goes back in almost immediately, and that I had a hernia. I was told I need to do a minor surgery  to repair the hernia (I was tired of surgeries...I had one for the fibroid, one for the baby and now needed one for the hernia). I said to myself I'll wait a little and I am still waiting, but I found out that an inverted navel does not just look good when exposed, it also presents certain benefits when covered, like not poking out of your skin-fit dress or shirt. So I really do miss my navel.

It really is not easy. However, each day I gained strength by looking at my daughter. Every time, I would asked myself, would you have preferred a sexy body over your child, which I know with all my heart, the answer to is no! With that, I would smile. It does not changed the fact though that many of us women are struggling with our post pregnancy body. Some of us have even been driven into post pregnancy depression because of an inability to come to grips with and rise above our physical image. Recently, I looked at a video about post pregnancy bodies and I know that as women we need to support each other. Here is the link that I think will make you feel a bit more comfortable with yourself... http://www.upworthy.com/this-photograph-sparked-mothers-to-show-us-what-their-post-baby-bodies-really-look-like?c=ufb1

Now I am still a work in progress and as soon as I can schedule my time effectively, I intend to get cracking with some directives to achieving an acceptable body image for myself. It might not be sexy according to the media or would it be my original state, but I would be able to look down at me and say Yesss! I did it!

KEEP UP YOURSELF SO MI MOMMY SAY

When I was younger, I remembered hearing my mom spoke about how some of the girls in the community 'keep up themselves.' Whilst some may not know what it means, I am sure that many have heard it before. Essentially, if you get pregnant in your teens, you didn't keep up yourself. That would mean that you studied too many boyfriends and they not pay attention to your books. Once you pass 20, you are in a better light, but if with that age, you are educated and have a job, you have done well keeping up yourself. In fact, when my mom spoke, if you get pregnant after getting your subjects and having a job, while in your 20s, you keep up yourself, regardless of whether you married or not.

Keep up yourself, it would seem, comes with a mental focus on career, education and marriage. While in high school, you will hear a lot about getting pregnant, hardly little about sex, although implicitly, when you hear about keep up yourself, it really means 'don't go have no sex.' However, sex education  is not something I think a lot of Caribbean parents sit down and discuss with their child. In fact, I kept thinking how uncomfortable it would have been if my mother had ever sit me down to talk about it and I am glad that I understood clearly what she meant by keep up yourself without having the actual 'talk'. 

As you become more mature, your focus on keeping up yourself is more so for you, rather than disappointing your parents. You may start thinking about education and career and wanting to be totally independent. For me, my motto was, "me na go depend pon no man fi nothing." Maybe it was because of all the things I heard my mother said, for example, "man nah give nothing, fi nothing." Whatever the case, my dream was to have a good career (which I am still searching for) own a big house on a hill (which me na get yet) and never married (which me done do). Still, for most parts I am extremely content with what I have accomplished today, how my life has changed and would arguably state that "Keep up yourself" is a good phrase to live by.

Recently however, I began thinking how, so often, we can forget about certain aspects of our lives by focusing extensively on one thing. I realised that hasn't it been for my health issues, I would have still been childless, trying to finish my PhD before making that decision. I heard stories about persons who when they were ready for other parts of their lives to fall in place, it was, in some cases, impossible because they waited to long. I started wondering, can you keep up yourself too long? Maybe not, but I came to the conclusion that in everything we do there must be balance. Do not find yourself too much to the extreme of certain things. Do not put yourself in the position to live with regrets. Therefore, I say to you these two two things:

Firstly, there is a time for everything under the sun. If you are in high school, stay focus on the goals at hand

Secondly, Strike a balance, but make good choices. If you are in a career or at college/university, consider the other parts of your life. It might be the need for a spouse, a home, a family, a child etc Whatever the case, put a plan in place because one thing I know, age does not stand still while you seek to accomplish the different things in your life. Do not have all the degrees in the world, the best job and maybe even riches only to live a life of regret by later realizing one less degree accomplishment, one less career success would have been much better if  it would have given you time to have a family. 

Culture and Christianity: Is there an issue

http://www.carnivalsvg.com/masbands2013/Tribes/pages/picture_007.html

I choose to write this blog now, as Vincy Carnival has already started on the island. Although the big mass is yet to come, rural carnival is taking place. Are Christians attending? I am sure of it. I choose not to put Christians in inverted commas because I am talking about persons who believe themselves to be born again at heart. Whether people want to debate who is true Christians or hypocrites is left up to them. I have found myself in a position where I choose not to call anyone who claims to be a Christian, a hypocrite. Rather, I seek to investigate and understand why others may call them such and how they view themselves or understand Christianity. I remind myself daily, that many of us, including myself, might have been referred to as a hypocrite by someone at some point in our lives because we do not uphold the standards held by others (normally those who proclaimed the hypocrisy) of who a Christian is. Instead, I recall my own level of understanding or lack of it that changes as I grow more and more in Christ. I watched what I participated in, how I dressed, how I speak and at what stage of my Christianity I was and I learnt a few things.

Culture plays a major role in how we as a people behave. I remember as when I was in college, I was riding in the car of my pastor with his wife to school and we were having a conversation. Somewhere in it, I remarked, what the hell am I hearing here? The pastor wife said, somewhat jokingly to ease the pressure off me, but at the same profoundly, Steve, here Jasmine cursing. I was shocked. Did I just curse in front of my pastor? Was the word hell as used really in the category of profanity and so I asked, is that cursing? I said that to say there are many of us who grow up with a language, which is very much cultural, that includes words like hell, darm and sh-t and we grow up saying these things, feeling nothing is wrong with them. Does it make us a hypocrite? Hmmm...I just think that at every stage of your Christian life, you Learn, you Grow, you Change.

So let us talk carnival. Is it culture? Should Christians be a part of it? It is a question to be answered individually by the persons who felt the need to attend, but let me give my opinion. I think that whilst it would be nice to be able to embrace ourselves in everything culturally, as a Christian we are or choose to become part of a new culture. I really do not think every aspect of carnival is bad. I for one love to listen to the social commentaries that comes out in the calypsoes,  and I also particular enjoy certain aspects of the queen show such as the talent and interview sections. I am not here to say that because I love them it is right, I am just saying that if I listen to love songs, then how is it wrong to listen to calypsonians singing about the economy etc and until such time that I learnt differently that is my opinion. Still, I am selective in what I choose to listen to.

Nevertheless, while carnival display the art of our people as shown by the costumes, their talent as shown by music and dance, it also promote and creates an atmosphere than the bible will describe as rivalry. There is a lot of drunkenness, promiscuity whether in behaviour or action leading to a lot of pregnancies at time etc. The things that take place during carnival goes beyond showing the art or culture of our country. Surely our culture is not one of drunkenness and immoral acts. So while some Christians will want to go and see certain aspects of a 'pure' culture, there is a general tendency to fall prey to other aspects that are unholy and against the principles of the bible. So I urge Christians, whatever stage you are in your Christianity, whatever your level of maturity, think it through thoroughly and ask yourself, what would Jesus desire? Is it really so important to you to go and watch the carnival festivities, even though it is not to dance as some would say, knowing that the world (who see you there) will have a bad report to give? And to say who cares what they say...Of course we must care, if we are the ones who are charged with taking the very word of God to the unbelievers. Finally, why live with the regrets of yesterday, when you could avoid them...if you are in two minds, CHOOSE GOD, HE NEVER FAILS. 

To all the Kingdom Life Tabernacle youths, who go on camp each year during this time...Big up yourself in accepting spiritual food during a time when worldly food is offered. This camp should be celebrating some how much years of anniversary, but I know its good. Initially, I attended to avoid the temptation of carnival and then I attended because of my spiritual experience year after year, especially during the day of fast. So have a great time with your brothers and sisters.

Individualizing You

http://www.allposters.com/-sp/Individuality-Posters_i2548929_.htm

It is a very sad state when persons do not have an identity of their own, but it is worse when their actions are often dependent on who they are around and what is taking place at that very moment. I have seen it a lot in schools, churches, relationships and other aspects of our society. So I choose the title " Individualizing You," not in an effort to underplay the role of the wider society at large, our friends and families, but rather to highlight the importance of knowing self. 

There are many people who are a part of relationships but do not know who they are. They cannot say no, even when they want to, because their actions are determine by what their friends say or what they spouse would do and ohhh how they do not want to lose him or her...they would do anything. Often, they remain in abusive relationship because they cannot see themselves outside of the shadow of their spouses. There are many men who sleep with girls and then get those very girls to sleep with their friends. You may wonder why would she make such a crippling decision...she might answered she loves him with little thought about how much he loves her. Is it that she doesn't care? No, rather, it is that she cares too much for him and too little for herself. She does not know her own worth. There is a lack of individuality or singular identity and her actions are determined by the crowd, leaving only a collective identity that is shaped and molded by whom she is around.

Even within the church, this lack of individualism is observed in the actions of persons, others would referred to as hypocrites. At times, these Christians are not hypocrites, but lack the individualism of determining who they are and what they want, rather than what others want for them. So today, they are in church serving God, singing and crying and lifting up holy hands. They are happy and contented because this is the life they desire, it feels right, but next week, they have found themselves at a picnic that turned into a party. They know something is not right, but in the flair of the moment, the friends they cherish and respect, they other 'christians' they see doing actions that seem contrary, but they feel are holier than they are so it can't be all that wrong, they let what should be a war against the enemy become an easy victory and so they join the party. Then they are invited to a next and the guilt and shame of saying no because they were just seen at another causes them to attend and before they know it, they are in a state where, even to attend church is a burden of guilt and shame, and instead of confessing, they choose the easy way out by pulling down church and church people to justify their actions, without even considering what God has to say.

To be an individual means to know self...Who am I, What is my purpose, What are my dreams, How much of my actions are me? Christianity is not about submitting to what church people including the pastor says, but to submit to what God says, so the question to be answered is Who am I in Christ? I believe when we have answered that, backsliding would not be an option regardless of the war we will face. Our lives would no longer be defined by what others tell us about the bible, the guilt trip that, shamefully, some pastors takes us during their sermons, but our own genuine love and relationship with God. 

To know you is to stop peer pressure in its tracks.

To know you is to accept the consequences of our decisions without casting blame on another

To know you is to live with little regrets. Just check how many of your regrets were influenced by another.

To know you is to be happy and contented with your life as you are living it.

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If people talk you, maybe it is your fault!

There is  saying, you do good people will talk, you do bad people will talk. No matter what you do, people will always talk and I believe it to be true. However, there are times that  some people took to Facebook and twitter, text messages or other people to throw word to their gossipers, when they are talking the truth Not that I am saying, gossiping is right, but take a good look at yourself at times and ask...Why is my name always in people mouth?

Are you truly a good person, but they just want to attack your good name. Hmm, how often does that happen? Or is it that they observe you with some many different men or changing men like underwear, that they start calling you bad? It takes a real man to shut his mouth about whatever takes place between you, but there are some handsome bozo out there, that will be with you and at the end of every sexual encounter they talk. If you have passed through several of these bozos, just imagine how your name would be on the street. You do not have to be a bad girl. You only need to make the wrong choices. So before you take to twitter or Facebook to throw word to who you think talking you, take some time and do some self-examination. Come out of the stupid mentality that you are not going to change for anyone. If what they saying is true, then  you need to change, but it would be more for yourself than for others. 

Word of Advice: Use people talk as an indication for self-examination. They might just be wrong, and if so are the talk will soon die, but if they are right, it would spread like bush fire and then who would be called the whore/ slut/ sketel/bad gel etc?

Your Man wants me...What is there to brag about?

There are some things I've heard that I simply don't get and one of those things is when another girl brag to another that their man wants them. It seems like there is a trend happening with some young girls. They don't want any man of their own, but they want a man who belongs to another and not for keeps either...simply for drama. Not only young girls, but big woman go after other people married man just for the thrill.

Girls breaking up other girls' relationship and women breaking up other women marriages. Who is to blame? Is it the men for falling prey to these reckless women or maybe knowingly and willfully getting involve with these women or is it the girls/women, who knowingly sleep with your man, just to hurt you? I am not talking about the women who are victims because they thought the man was single. No, I am talking about the ones who throw words for you and tell you what they do to or with your man, who laugh out every time they see you and if you are with your man, they might even want to come with words like sweetheart and honey and look to hug with no respect whatsoever to fact that you are there. They get a thrill out of knowing that you are hurt.

These situations may be very painful especially if you are deeply in love, but I have to ask, how good is a man if he wants another woman while being with you? And to the other women, what is there to brag about? I believe that what goes around comes around. One of these days, some of these girls will grow up with lots of regrets and they might look for healthy, faithful relationships, but get so much 'horn/butt/cheated upon' that they live a life of frustration and regret and who is to blame then...what you sow, you reap.

So girls' if you are unmarried, let the man go, obviously if he wants another women, he clearly does not respect you as you ought to be respected and his love obviously has limits. The other girl might be the one who throw the word, but is your man who has given her such power. If you are married, it is a complete different and more complicated situation. I cannot just say leave, for you have spent probably years building a life and children might be involved so for you, I recommend counselling.

BLACKBERRY GODS

Source:http://www.pocket-lint.com

A major percentage of individuals, young and old, rich and poor, own a blackberry or some other smart phone. Texting, games, calls and browsing are some of the major uses of these SMART PHONES. Is there anything wrong with owning one? Absolutely not!!! They may even be regarded as an asset rather than a luxury BUT some have taken them to the ranking of GODS in our lives. Are you addicted to your smart phone? Seek Rehabilitation.

I am tired of seeing people texting on their smart phones during church. Why do you need to take your phone to church? Is it the Holy Spirit? And don't tell me it has on your bible! Through the week, you don't read it, but all of a sudden on your church day, you want to? I suggest you go back to the old- fashion method of carrying  a bible to church. I am tired of seeing people texting and browsing during a church service. And my, when the phone rings in the midst of the sermon and shamefacedly, they fight to end the call, only to hear it ring again few seconds after. Really! Couldn't you have put it on silence or vibrate?

I know we all attend church for different reasons, but the fact that your left your home for church, have some respect for God and his temple. Maybe, there is a particular day that you need to take your phone because you are expecting an important call...PUT IT ON SILENCE, the rest of the congregation do not need to be interrupted by your call. This is so sad also when you notice is Christians texting and smiling and responding. BREAK PEOPLE OFF THE HABIT OF TEXTING YOU DURING CHURCH.

Now to the workplace, especially in the public service. My goodness!!! Have you ever walked into a business place and the receptionist is their texting and smiling and must complete it before she asked you (with a frown on her face like you are disturbing her) may I help? No wonder in some parts of the private sector they banned the use of your personal cell phones during work hours. How can yo be efficient and productive during the day if you are wasting working hours for your personal entertainment? Surely you are not concern about the mission of the business but simply getting through the month for a salary.

I believe that these phones can become or are already gods in a lot of lives. WATCH OUT!!!

Minding your own business

Image Source: http://pastorleoacosta.wordpress.com/2010/06/26/
loose-talk-can-cost-lives-gossip-the-church/

There is a tendency for some persons to become so involve in other persons business and lives that their own are left exposed with no one to tend to it. Be aware of persons with whom every conversation you have, is about other person's business. Ironically, many of these very individuals speak as if their lives are perfect, so much so that they have time to fix other persons lives. Often though, there are many skeletons in their closet and cowebs spreading across their barnyards because they have taken absolutely no time to MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS AND FIX UP THEIR LIVES. Sad....

I am often mindful of people who talk so much about other people, yet so little about themselves. At the end of the day, you know who lives where, who sleeping with whom, who are they hypocrites in whatever church, who pregnant and the list goes on, but you do not know who they sleep with, if they are hypocrites etc. Of course again, when they speak, it appears as if they are walking the straight and absolute narrow and have never once fall on the wayside. 

I'll say to those people if you take sometime to look into your own lives, the past, the present and future you will notice many things:

• You have lots to do. If not ensuring the mistakes of the past are not repeated, you can be enjoying your present or planning your future. With so much to do, where would you find time for other people's affairs.
• You are wasting time. So often people criticize and gossip others without ever once pointing out to the individual of whom they speak about, what they can change and how it can benefit them. It seems like in this world, everyone can see the wrong but cannot point to the right. The devil still finds work for idlers
• You are unhappy and unhealthy. Gossip is often driven by envy and covetousness. Before you know it you have ulcers and all kind of stomach and abdomen pain all stemming from your jealousy. Experience a happy and healthy lifestyle by looking in to your own business and desisting from minding other persons' business.
• You have few true friends, if any. As much as it might appear that you have a lot of friends with whom you converse with daily, when 'push come to shove', these very same people will take you to the galos and hang you. As a gossiper, who can you trust and who will trust you? Often people think, if you can talk other persons business so much, I can only imagine when you sit down to talk about me, even though they will never say that to you.

Minding other persons's business can become very addictive. Imagine how better your life will be if all that energy is channel into minding your own business. 

A CALL FOR MALE EMPOWERMENT

Source: http://markturnquestconsulting.com/Training.html

As a female I probably should write about the need for female empowerment. I have read so much on women's victimization in the home and workplace, many of which are written by females, but in spite of that, they are true. Over the years, however, I have noticed that it has moved into a type of battle as if as ladies we intend to take over the world. I have no problem with ambitious women and women leaders whether it is in the political, economical or even spiritual field and I do believe in equality. However, lately I have become worried about our men.

Females, not only isn't there enough men to meet our female population, they also seem to be fading into the background of modern society. I admire strong, ambitious men who can assert a certain type of positive authority that many of us women have grown to admire. There is a sense of security that we tend to get with men. Just imagine walking with a male versus a female in a lonely park. No matter how small built or even fat that man maybe, there is this sense of security. This is because when we look at men, we view both physical and mental strength. However, today I asked, what is happening to our men?

In our universities, the ratio of female to male is tremendous. Our prisons are witnessing an increase in young men who have gotten themselves messed up in drugs, burglary or even murder. Males are absent from our homes and many females are now running the homes, not because they want to but because they do not have a choice. Even when they are present in the homes, their voice is unheard so that the responsibilities that they should carry out especially with our male children are affected. I truly believe that there is a difference when a father exercises authority over their children compared to mothers. I reflect on my own childhood that even though I respected both my parents, when my father got upset, I was more nervous and fearful than with my mom who seems to be always talking and warning. I look at the number of homosexuals, the ones who in school or within their homes, who have become involve in homosexuality either because they were abused by some relative or because they are greedy for fast riches and I see the need for male empowerment. It might be legal in some countries and their might be a widen acceptance of it from human rights activist, but while some groups seem to moving towards acceptance, I asked what is happening to our men? Remember the argument on nature versus nurture... if evidence points to nurture, then our males need help.

It upsets me much when I see a lady talk down to a man, who is simply trying to be nice or just trying. It does not matter to me whether he is your spouse, your employee, brother or friend. Do not bruised the ego of a man because you feel you have arrive at some false destination. Sometimes it scares me when power get into the hands of some women for the same thing we talked out against when we were the underdog, is repeating its ugly face now its the other way around. Men are getting lost in the wilderness. In our fight for women empowerment and within our researches that uses the word gender as if it is synonymous with females so that you know from the beginning you are going to read about women, let us not be blinded by what is happening with our men. I therefore call for MALE EMPOWERMENT, ALONGSIDE FEMALE EMPOWERMENT! 

Democrat versus Republican: Obama wins again

Source: www.sodahead.com

Let me first say congratulations to President Obama who has done it again. When I look at my facebook page, there are a lot of happy fans all AROUND THE WORLD. I even found myself getting a bit nervous last night with my eyes glued to the television set. I am not a big fan of political affairs but I am a keen observer and so today I would like to share those very observations.

First of all, it was the amount of Caribbean people who were involved in American politics, some even more than they are involved in their own home country politics. Was it wrong? Well I look at different persons views on facebook, some of whom couldn't see the big deal. Is it a big deal? I believe it is. In this global world or village, as we sometimes call it, the United Stated of America play a very integral role in the economy of Caribbean people and many other nations around the world. In other words, when there is a recession in the U.S.A economy, we feel it right at home. Additionally, the U.S.A is a haven for many Caribbean people. If we look at our migration rates, we will see that in terms of international migration, many Caribbean persons migrate to the U.S in search of greener pastures. Sometimes they get it, sometimes they don't, but whatever the case we know that who is in charge of America is not only making decisions for Americans, but also us Caribbean people. If many of our illegal residents are sent back home, who will send the remittances? 

My second observation has to do with politics on a whole. As I listened to CNN and other news station project the election results for different parts of the state, this is what stood out for me. Based on past elections, there were states that favour democrats and those that favour republicans and apparently were like this for years. I remember my own island with persons being able to tell which constituency is already won by ULP or NDP and right here in Jamaica, it repeats. Now I really do not think, and it is my humble opinion, that anyone should claimed to be a democrat or a republican, a labour man or a PNP man or a NDP man. At any election, we should approach it with an open mind so that you can be a democrat today and a republican the next day. It should be about the issues and who is best able to deal with them. Election should be so unpredictable that it keeps politicians on their toes knowing that the real power rest in the hands of the people. No man should say I am a democrat or republican until the day I die because my parents were this and my parents' parents were. I hear a statement in my own little island one election, "the ship is sinking and I am going down with it." I figure if a ship is sinking obviously something is wrong with it and if their is a rescue boat that is better, why not jump on it. 

My main advice therefore to us is no matter what country, island or state you are in, when election comes, let politicians understand clearly where the power lies. I applaud those states that were once dubbed republicans but last night it was won by democrats. No one knows what next year holds :) And I applaud Florida, it was a close fight and it tells us that there are people there who are very much concern about issues and not simply the nature of being a democrat or republican.

Congrats again to President Obama and I wish you all the best in the  4 years. Remember us Caribbean people as we fight for our visas and our resident status :)

My experience following Hurricane Sandy

Well when Sandy hit Jamaica, it was only a category 1 hurricane and thank God for that. The amount of damage I heard it has done is incredible and so my heart goes out to those in New York right now who is experiencing a greater magnitude of the hurricane. It is one thing to hear about hurricane but experiencing and seeing what it can do can affect anyone tremendously. Anyway, it came and it ended and it affected electricity for 4 days in my community...no light, no tv, no computer WHATTTTTTT!!!!

You will never know how much you have lean and depend on these things until you are without there use. I mean I almost went crazy. ME! who grow up with a family who knew how to enjoy the moonlight playing ring games and hide n seek...Yes, the days when we light we flambo and listen to all kind of jumbie stories, but today I have been so MODERNIZE that without electricity I felt like a fish out of water. How about you? What was it like?

Well I told myself, I am a country girl and creative. My husband and I pull out our scrabble., ludo and cards and night after night we play competitively. We even remember a game from primary school...Boys, Girls, Animal, Places, Things...You remember that? We play religiously under our candle light throughout the nights and you know what I realized? Sandy give us a chance to BOND. I never realize how much of our time is taken up with TV and computer until I sat there playing those games. 

We come from work each day and the first thing my husband does is turn on the TV  me... I turn on the computer and we will spend the rest of the night doing our own things, occasionally holding short bits of conversation in between. Yet, it is amazing how these things (TV, computers, game boys) can blind us to the big space that slowly builds up between couples, parents and children etc overtime. It is true that I also realized that I  don't want my husband 24/7 holding conversation. I need my ME time, but still in spite of the harm and destruction of Sandy, I see how it can bring families and even friends closer together. In fact, for the first time since my stay in Jamaica I enjoyed the moonlight even though it was not full. In the absence of electricity, I looked outside and saw the place bright so I decided to look further and my husband was like 'it's the moon.' We stood outside for a little and hugged under the magnificent beauty of nature God has created. I know the situation of Sandy is devastating for many, but I urge us to find time within this period to draw closer to each other and just have some fun in spite of your limited resources.

I would love to hear from you so feel free to leave a comment and share your thoughts or experiences. 

Yo remember the days...

Yo remember the days...

http://live.drjays.com/index.php/2010/07/07/do-or-dont-the-exposed-bra/

When yo only wear dark colour underwears because yo na want nobody see...
Now these days, it seems like all panties and bra resemble lingerie and now young and old girls want every body see,
So piece of the bra have to show out ah the clothes and they have style ah panty that can wear above the pants and yo know way we call that....STYLE! so even when the clothes see through and we can see yo pretty colour panty, who cares? Afterall, every  spoil is a style.

Yo remember the days...
When bitch was what it was BITCH... and when woman call woman that it was bad and when man call woman that it was BADDER...
Nowadays, yo hear girls saying to their friends What's up bitch and them say it na mean nothing and men telling them friends that she is his bitch and apparently it still na mean ntn...When did the bitch meaning change ah wonder? And what is this thing about exclusive rights to bitchyness so that you have persons who you allow to call you bitch, but when others try call you bitch yo vex? Wat ah piece ah irony!!!

Yo remember the days...
When yo couldn't walk off on your parents, yo couldn't shut door in ah no parents face because yo never own it, if you want to frown up when your parents talk and answer back, yo better do it when dem gone or else yo wudda eat the words yo want to say with the slap you wudda get in yo face...And we grow up straight, straight and well discipline
Well these days things na so...dem have all kind all laws telling parents not to hit child, even if yo spank yo pickney yo abuse them...me get licks but me never get abuse and me thank God fi it as me say...me come out straight, straight...But with all d laws dem that exist, d pickney dem na grateful that dem parents nah hit them, and instead ah ground dem and take way TV time and give them time out....Instead, dem ah slam door like dem build house and say who have rights to come in ah dem room and when, dem ah talk back to parents with dem rude tone and storm off, jump in ah car dem na buy and drive because they don't want to talk anymore...

Ah think ah wudda reach old age, with me back bend and me stick in me hand before me could talk about remember days, but lard the place ah change right in front  me eyes in ah small space ah time.