A low self esteem is reinforce by negative talks. I grew up with a low self esteem and being poor didn't make it easier. In my mind, what I saw as beautiful wasn't black or poor with 'picky hair', but brown and rich with long hair. High school did not make it easier. You quickly find your clique with other poor people and admire and sometimes even envy the rich, long hair girls that the boys always seem to want. Together, they sometimes pull you down and sink your esteem even further into the ground. However, I was very observant and quickly learn. It was not easy to get the esteem out of the ground, but I pretended that certain things said or done never bothered me until after a while they really never bothered me. Yes I was now fill with more confidence.
|© 2011 Brendon Flynn|
Have you ever heard the statement, when the fox can't get the grape he says it sour or all moldy cheese has its moldy bread? Well when I was at a point thinking that I am moldy cheese, some moldy bread they come, but these moldy bread weren't aware that they were 'moldy.' Here lies the difference between men and women. Ugly men are very brave and they always feel they are hot and for some strange reason, maybe their bravery, they always popular and have some of the hotter guys following them. The hotter guys who you want to come and talk to you never brave enough or set themselves apart for the hotter girls, but here comes the moldy cheese. Now when they come and you ignore them, nothing vex like them and they want to curse you. Well when I was younger, you could have called me ugly but I was also fresh. Now maybe I was ugly, I do not know because poverty really does a number on your face, but here was my statement to them, "When the fox cant get the grape, he say it sour" The thing is even though I said that, it hurts a lot especially when I was by yourself. Am I talking to anyone? You at times wonder, what these girls have that you don't.
The mistake with low self esteem is that many times a girl give in sexually to whether it be a hunk of a man or a stallion or all those names we used when we were younger and sometimes even the moldy cheese because we want to be accepted or wanted. After giving in, if the person wasn't genuine, our self esteem is even more destroyed because these persons start to call you easy, bitch and other derogative names. They want to touch you up in the street especially when they are with their friends, talk down to you and the list goes on and you do nothing because YOU WANT TO BE ACCEPTED. After a while you begin to accept the words and act the part using your body as a way of meeting and keeping friends. You laugh at their boring jokes and play the role great. The fox no longer wonders whether or not the grape is sour. You are no longer hard to get.
I have seen though when you hold fast to your purity, in spite of your low self esteem, you gain respect in the future because every little boy grows up. With a little money now to put yourself together, the men now stand in awe, wondering if you are the same girl back in high school (In fact we women also stand in awe of some guys we referred to as moldy cheese as they have grown and become refined). The girls you once saw as beautiful and popular have lost their essence and are trying tirelessly to regain it, but you are still the grape on the tree with foxes wondering whether you are sour or sweet. Every decision you make now have repercussions for the future. You might not have the self esteem you should have as yet, but tell yourself positive things until you believe them, and in the mean time, do not go looking for someone to make you feel worthy. Keep your grapes on the tree until a worthy man is capable of picking them.