How to please your man?

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I wrote recently on "How to please your wives?" and so it would be very remiss of me if I leave you the gentlemen. After all how husbands have needs to and in building a strong relationship, we must strike a balance. There are some relationships where one party is always giving and the other receiving. Eventually those will die. There are some females who believe that the purpose of the man is to give, give and give again to them and yet, at times, these very same woman and the ones who are selfish and quick to get upset or leave if ever he forgets a birthday or an anniversary. So ladies, if you want to keep your man happy, here are a few pointers. I had to solicit the help of my husband for this so this not purely from a woman's perspective.

• Respect him- Now this may seem not to be a big deal to many, but it is a huge deal for a man. As ladies, we demand respect, but respect for a man goes even deeper. If a man embarrasses a lady in front of her friends (not good), somehow the lady gets over it quicker and may even react differently than if it is the other way around. Do not speak down to him.I witnessed some women publicly embarrassed their spouse, who in reacting, look like when someone throw water on a dog and it ran away, all wet with his tail between it legs. Other men may lash out in defense though they are not usually like that. A man is a man. Let him feel like one. 

• Feed him- Yes feed him! I am quite traditional. Though I have recognized the changes in society as it relates to career women (I myself being a career wife), and the added responsibilities  that might require one to hire a helper, ensure that you still take care of your husbands by ensuring that he is fed, gets the right nutrition and is good health. You may say, that is not my responsibility. You married him because, hopefully, you love and care for him. Part of caring for him includes checking up on him. Have you eaten babes? What you eat today? From time to time, cook a warm breakfast or dinner.

• Give him Space- My husband and I were at a couple's ministry seminar sometime last year when it was expressed the importance of space for a man. According to the presenter, a wife might noticed their husband seated silently and may ask, "What are you thinking?" and his response is "nothing". We cannot understand that. How can you not be thinking about something? As women, we are always thinking about something. All of us wives were laughing and the men were nodding in agreement with the presenter. For the first time, I realized, as the presenter stated, that men have a 'nothing box' where they will just go at times, and to witness the men nodding and shouting yes in agreement emphasized the validity of what was said. So wives, let us allow our husbands to escape to that "nothing box" from time to time.

• Stop the nagging- I hear some women nagged and I myself get tired hearing their voice. The bible compares a nagging wife to an endless dripping on a rainy day. In our Caribbean colloquial expression, we may say drizzle rain....the rain just ah drizzle, drizzle like it making up its mind whether to come or not. If you have somewhere to go or trying to get home, but no umbrella, that sometimes upset us. I have heard people said, "rain mek (make) up your mind nah...either you are coming or you are not". The bible further states that it is better for a man to live in a desert or in a corner in the ROOF of a house than to live with a quarrelsome, nagging wife. Now, not all believe in the bible, but you may live with a nagging wife and can attest. It is very disturbing like a mosquito in your ear. Women, need I say more.

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• Be Spontaneous with little, creative gifts- I love massages, God knows, but my husband, even though he does not request it as much as I do, love them too. That is one little gift we can give. Take his big foot (BIG Feet are good) into your hands and give him a foot massage or give him a pedicure or a back massage. 

• Wives, fix up yourselves. There are many wives who no longer feel they need to look good especially if the man does not complain. In our dating lives, everything was on point. Now we are married and we are letting ourselves go. Hair messed up, clothes tear up, huge 'bingo bag' panties that sometimes have little tear here and there, some big long nighties as if to say 'nothing nah gwarn(is not going to happen) tonight or any other night' and so on. We are quick to use the responsibility of our children as an excuse for everything. Remember when they are grown and gone, it is still you and your husband. I always look at Michelle Obama and her husband. Indeed, they are public figures, but in my heart, I say to myself. she makes her husband looks good and he must be proud to have her as a wife. Now, I know many 'independent' woman out there will say, "do it for yourself and not for any man". True, that is always a good start, but many women couldn't care less about themselves so think about your husbands. Make them look good in public and happy in private.

• Sex, sex and more sex- I deliberately leave this for last because often times we think this is all our husbands need and it is enough and yet some of us failed to give them enough. Now wives, I am aware that we are not always in the mood, but there are times when need to get into the mood for the benefit of our husbands. They are not like us. As much as we love sex, some of us can go weeks without and it does not bother us. Our husbands are different and we cannot forget that. So if there is a headache, do not use it as an excuse. Instead, use the sex medication. We too should also be responsible for spicing things up. Often times, in our heads, we imagine coming home to rose petals leading to a warm bath or rose-petaled bed with red wine poured into glass. The man may imagine that too, but even if he doesn't, put on that sexy lingerie and let him come home to something different once in a while. Take the initiative also. We can make the advancement too. Do not always wait on him to touch you, kiss you up and get things in motion. Take charge sometimes.

Men, feel free to comment on other things we can do. I am sure the list is not exhausted. It would be nice to hear from you. Ladies, you can also let me know what you have done for your significant other that he appreciates.

Women Love Sex Too!

As I continue my series on Healthy, Happy Marriages, I believe the topic 'Women Love Sex Too' is quite appropriate and relevant. On Valentines eve, at my church Couples Huddle, which is a dinner put on each year by our couple's ministry, the importance of sex in a relationship and the reminder that men should remember that the pleasure was also for women was again reiterated. As the place roared in laughter at the very entertaining speech by the guest speaker, who was 69 years old and got married for the first time at age 58, I looked around at the many couples present. I looked at the blushes on some faces, the excitement in others and the wondering look of some who seem to be still wondering whether sex should ever be discussed or even mentioned by church people. For the majority of us however, we welcome that in trying to rekindle that fire, intimacy and sex is part of it and so I want the male spouses to know that we love sex too.

Husbands, we are not only here to give pleasure. We want to receive it too.So do not think sex finishes when you ejaculate. At that time we might just be getting started. DO NOT BE SELFISH! Spend some time caressing whatever will carry us to the point that you have reached. If you do not know where or what to caress, then their lies a huge problem. Figure that out first. Yes, we know, sometimes it might appear as if we will never get there, but try. Do not be like Courtney Walsh, drawing on the words of the Guest Speaker's 72 years old husband, who just want to make one big SIX, does not examine the field and often times get out before we meet the winning score. The latter being my words. Rather, be like Brian Lara. Do I need to explain? Examine the field and place the ball in the area that will give you optimum runs, and prevents you from getting bowled out. Sixes and fours are good, but slowing down for the one and two runs are also good too. At this time, I am remember Jimmy Adams, but we do not want it to be to drawn out without no runs. We also know Lara was known for breaking and setting records and at the end, all fans were happy.

Now the worse thing than not having any sex, is having unsatisfactory sex. 

Warnings:

• A woman should never just be there waiting for you to finish so they could go to sleep. There are times we really are not in the mood, but if you push us into having sex, at least try to get us in the mood and I KNOW this is possible.

• Unsatisfactory sex can leave a woman more stressed out than having no sex at all. I have read several articles on the benefits of sex and one that always pop is that sex helps to reduce stress. Now I beg to differ. GOOD sex reduces stress. If at the end, you are ready to turn over and sleep and we are still bottled up with energy and emotions that were on the verge of exploding, but for some reason  never happened, then it can be extremely frustrating and the good rest that good sex often brings will not happen.

WIVES as a point of Order...Sometimes you need to TALK. Do not just settle for giving, but not receiving and carry yourself around haggard and frustrated because of penned up energy that is weighing you down. Sometimes, the husbands just may not know and think all is well and in TALKIMG, assisting them in finding out the areas that gets you going. Lastly, STOP PRETENDING. Some of you pretend too much and fool the men. They cannot learn if we behave like if, while in the act, he is doing an excellent job when in your mind you are not having fun.

I am not going to downplay the importance of sex in a marriage and therefore we must realize that for us to enjoy our sexual lives, both partners must be enjoying this intimacy.

Spice up your Marriage with Creative Gifts: My Valentines Gift from my Husband

In many relationships, specific occasions such as valentines, birthdays and anniversaries are marked by the gifts given from one spouse to another. The seriousness of this is that at times, if the day is forgotten, it can create conflict between the spouses. I believe that these days, more so birthdays and anniversaries are sacred and should be celebrated. However, my focus today is not so much on the days, but what is given on the day.

Often times, traditional gifts such as flowers, chocolates, perfumes, lingerie. jewelries,  and teddy bears are gifts some spouses receive. These are lovely gifts, but can be very costly. You may say you know the day approaching so put some money aside. That may be true, but one must always remember your household resources. Your husband may not always be able to give you as expensive a gift as Jack give to his wife Jill, but the gift may just as be as nice. Apart from that, I love a creative man.

I am a simple person and while I enjoy an occasional going out, I can have just as much fun renting a movie, popping some corn and having it with Pepsi under a sheet on a couch. This Valentines I smiled my faced off with the gift my husband offered. The decision was made not to spend on any valentines gift, especially since his birthday was in the same month. We had to be creative.

I decided that I am going to capture our history with pictures in a journal we bought at the very beginning of our marriage. Now we bought this journal and decided that whenever we feel like, we will take it up and right something to each other. He has written a poem for me and other love notes and I have written numerous things, but sadly, we often neglect to write. Still I shared my love to him with pics in the journal on valentines day, but it could not compare to his gift. He created tangible, affordable activities on a piece of paper!

His offered me a gift certificate that he used a letter size paper to do. I could not careless about the paper or his artistic skills, because what was on it had me smiling my face off and show that he was thinking about my happiness. So below are some pics I have taken of it and these are what were written, in no particular order. You will notice that he was very considerate of my needs.

• MASSAGE with no benefits. Valid for 3 uses. Now I loveeeeee massages and my husband has been doing this quite regularly, but with benefits so the no benefits part is important
• FREE PASS- Decline any sexual advance made. Valid for 3 uses. I do not normally find excuses but this is a good one to have. What do you think?
• SATISFY ME- Get your own way sexually. Full attention to your details. Valid...No Expiration lol.....Interesting that this has no expiration huh? 
• LAZY DAY- Pass any chores and put your foot up. Valid for 3 uses. Now we share chores in our home, but here I have an opportunity to decide not to cook, wash or clean. Thank you Lord!!!
• ALONE TIME- Get your own space to rejuvenate. Valid for 3 uses. If/When you have a child, you will understand how important this is.

To the SWEETEST MAN I know with love.

Dedicated to my husband.

How to please your wives?

It is generally felt that  men cannot understand women. It is argued that we are complex, we drop hints instead of just saying what is on our minds and that we have terrible mood swings. All these I believe are quite true because I have met and spoken to women who, even I find hard to understand. I however wish to address the things that men can do to please us.

There are some men out there who are complicated by their own laziness. They do not even try or want to so that even if we plaster what we want on our faces, they will still ignore it because they lack the desire to please. The saddest part of any marriage is when one partner is working very hard for the betterment of their marriage and the other one is just laid back and believe that bringing in the money is enough. Some of the upsetting statements they can make during this time are, 'You should be happy', 'Some women/men well want what you have'. Truly, there are women/men out there who always desire what you have without really taking the time out to examine it. All that glitters is not gold.

So men, if you want to please us and have a happy marriage, here are just a few pointers on the things that makes us happy:

• Help with the kids- No one can truly understand how burdensome raising children is until you have. It has nothing to do with the love for your kids. In fact, you love them to death, but it is not easy. Raising a child is a two parent job so when all the responsibility falls on only one parent,  that parent may become highly frustrated if they cannot find time for themselves. I only have one child whom I love dearly and after I left work tired, I still have to give her mommy time and I am super grateful to my good husband who helps out tremendously. There are times when she only wants me and I have things to do or I just need a little breather. Do you know where I escape to? The bathroom, and I have to lock the door, but even there, I cannot escape because she will find me and knocked the door while shouting mommy until I open it. Again, I only have one child. Yet, my date life is practical nil because family is not close and money not 'tun up' to allow me to hire a baby sitter in the night when I am already paying for one in the day. So again, men you need to recognize this and help out.
• Dates and surprises do not end with marriage- It is very hard if, during courting, you use to go out pretty often or often enough to feel satisfy, but then you get married and it cuts down a little, then there and kids and everything ends to the point that sometimes even your anniversary is forgotten. There are some men who becomes so caught up in career and education that they forget they have a wife at home and they seemingly believe that their wife should only find happiness in the lovely home that they have provided with the lovely kids that they have given. They no longer take you out nor do they attempt to plan a little surprise. Instead, they work long hours, come home expecting food and sex and think that all is well. Wake up! Time to spice up the marriage.
• Help out with the domestic chores. Now some men believe that the wife's role is in the home. Maybe this was so in traditional times, but time has changed. The little pocket money some jobs give as salary cannot pay bills and take care of the home, so it needs pocket money from two persons to run things. In other words, both the husband and wife are working and so when you come home tired, do not assume that your wife has done less work at her job and so can take on another. Pull your weight. If I am cooking, maybe you can help prepared the juice or the vegetables or bathe the kids. Why should a woman finish cooking, share the dinner for you and still have to get the kids ready for bed? In addition to this, you know how hard wrenching it is for a woman to be at work all day return to her home and the husband who was home all day, did not pick up a broom or put on a pot. Now we ladies know that if we have a day off, we are not only cooking, but cleaning and washing on top of that. Sometimes, there is not even any time to sit down and watch a movie, because we just cannot sit in a dirty home, but a man can be home all day and all he needs is a remote, sports channels and some dry food. Another little thing I appreciate about my husband, is if he is home, even if he does not cook, he might have folded the clothes and clean the house and he does cook at times. It is those little things that please us. 
• Compliment us and say little words of appreciation from time to time- We are not asking you to habitually say I love you so much so that it comes like a ritual, but from time to time say something positive. Sometimes, you may look at a man and he appears to be aging like fine wine, while we are struggling with body images especially after giving birth. Fat might be poking out from places that were once slender and smooth. This by itself might not be such a big deal, but when coupled with not going out, working in a job and at home, having a husband who is hardly home and seem not to appreciate all you do, then that is grievous.
• Listen and Act- I leave this one for last because I know there are many wives who are very strong willed and super argumentative and do not listen, but we have men who also do not listen. They may act as if you have nothing of worth to say and may even use the fact that you are strong willed as their defense. I always say to people that my husband has the final say, but I also appreciate the fact that the final say at times end with him agreeing with me because he listens to reason. He does not make any decision without including me. We will discuss and at the end, he makes a  reasonable decision. When a man does not listen and his wife has no input in any decision, it is as if you do not have any worth beyond a certain point.

Let me end by saying, there is a difference between contentment and happiness even though they are times used synonymously. I however see contentment as being satisfied and believe that you can be satisfied with your life, maybe because you have wonderful children, a nice home and your bills are paid, but unhappy because you are still lonely within your marriage, you feel as if you are just going through the motions and you think you have missed out or are missing out on the finer things in life. Notwithstanding, there are times when the husband has nothing to do with how a wife may feel and cannot stop them if they want a divorce. However, husbands where you can do more, do it. A simple question that you can ask yourself, as corny as it is, what if the shoes were on the other feet, how would I feel? In other words, put yourself in your wife's shoes. 

Marriage Survival

Source: http://creativetryals.blogspot.com/2014/07/happiness-is-homemade-marriage-survival.html

A few days ago, my husband and I attended our church couple's ministry. It is a ministry I hold close to my heart because I see it as being very significant for married couples and thus far it has opened my eyes to several things. I like that the fact that our couples are open and even as each shares about their marriage (the good and the bad), they are happy in their marriage and they are on a quest to see their marriage last forever. This is important.

I often asked how is that a person can be with each other for years and within a year of marriage they are divorced? How is it that can people can  divorce only after one year of marriage? It is clear that there are many underlying factors resulting in this, some of which may be present even before the wedding took place. However, what I learnt recently in the couple's ministry meeting is that marriage takes work and it takes investment. Those were the words of my pastor as we planned our annual couple's retreat and it starts at the very beginning. The persons whose marriages have lasted 25 and 40 years and have gone all the way to until death do us part, their marriages was not without their problems, stress and sacrifices.

I have learnt that you can have endless love for each other, but still divorce and even when commitment may be present, you can be unhappy. Situations/problems at times take a toll especially after a child/children are born. You are so much into your work and by the time you get home, you are either too tired or you are spending time with the kids, but no time for each other because as adults we feel we can survive. After all, we love each other. Although I am no expert, it is clear to me that if you want your marriage to work, you have to invest time and money in it.

Time for intimacy- Not simply time for SEX, but time to connect on a spiritual, social, emotional level. This may involve simply cuddling and talking. It may involve giving nice massages to each other. This is an alone time so children cannot interrupt. Hence, you might have to wait until they fall asleep, leave them by some grandparents, have a nanny look after them or at times, you may need to do this outside your home for example at a hotel (hence the money). What activities do we often plan to keep our marriages alive?

Time for Planning- Where do you see yourselves as a couple 5 years from now? How do you intend to get there? What sacrifices or investments will be involved?

Time for Forgiveness- Sometimes we cannot move on because we cannot forgive. For some, forgiveness can only happen if we move out (divorce).

Time to Focus- This is something I practice in my marriage especially if I get angry. I have never ever spoken to my husband at the point in time when I am angry at him. For one thing, a lot of times too many negative thoughts are going through my mind of all the words I can use to hurt. It is during heated arguments stirred by anger that persons say things that they often regret and also do not mean, but simply saying them to get under each other's skin. Still words hurt and at times, they sink in and remain with us for years. You remember when you say this or that? So what I do is focus. Why am I angry? Should I be angry? Is it too petty? Can I or should overlook this? During this time, I also reflect on all the ways he has been good to me and how many times her has done something to anger me (something I picked up from one of Tyler Perry's movies :)). But it works for me. At the end, I always smile because I have a great man in my life who has done more to make me happy than he has ever done to upset me. I pray that this continues :). Then I am ready to talk and express to him in cool words, why I am angry and all of the time, thus far, we resolved whatever and move on in our wonderful marriage.

The Power of "Pull String" or Networking in Job Hunting

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140523152349-336067-networking-a-novel-approach

There is a thing that Caribbean people call "pull string", which is where you get a job because someone you know in the institution sets you up. Pull string has been used in a somewhat derogative manner as often times, we believe that persons get jobs that they are not qualify for, while others who may be highly qualified are left at the wayside. Hence, I choose to use the term networking to describe how relationship with others may help you advance in life. 

I reflect back on my second job. I was in church I think, when my sister in the Lord, who know that I was job seeking, told me that a teacher is needed at a school and I must call this lady. I called the lady and was told to come in for an interview the following day. I did not write a cover letter or a resume. The next day, the interview was more of an introduction to the school, the classes I would be teaching and the staff. The job was mine. How many of you are in a job position, not necessarily based on your job application, but more so your connection with others?

Networking is highly significant in our modern economy when it comes to job hunting. It is not enough to advance yourself academically and then send in some random applications hoping that someone will hire you. While this may work, you will find that most of the times, you get a reply saying, "No job available at this time, but we will keep your application on file". Keeping your application on file means little because hardly ever would someone look through the great number of applications on file to contact you should another vacancy becomes available.

Connecting with the right people and a large number of people provides several benefits. You can get knowledge of job positions that becomes available in an organization and are known several months in advance before they hit the newspaper. You can have persons recommending you to job providers based on their relationship with you. You can obtain a job simply through the recommendation of another with your resume and cover letter accepted just for formality. 

So while you may be an introvert, know when to burst that shell and become a extrovert. Do not burn your bridges. When you leave an organization, leave in peace regardless of the reason you left. Your boss may just know another boss who you are about to come in contact with. As much as you can, take advantage of workshops, conferences and social events, which will help you to increase your circles. However, while you are doing all these improve your qualifications and make yourself more marketable. By doing this, you will feel content to know that when you get that job, it is not just simply a "pull string" based on a position with no qualifications, but one based on a position for which you are highly qualified. 

Ah Way me Come from....Me nar figet me history: Tribute to Me family

Ah long time, me want to write ah blog about me history. Ah long me what tell somebody say, me nah figet me history. And me going start off by saying me love me family.

Recently, me start to ponder on me family, me think about who ah pastors and pastors wives, who ah lawyer, who ah medical doctor and nurse to be, who ah accountant, who ah teachers etc etc Yes all ah dem in me family and all ah we young.

You know how we get there...by the sweat ah we parents brow. You see we ah country pickney who grow up poor and when me say poor, me na mean the ppl dem who lift themselves out of poverty, but can't seem to drop the word poor from dem vocabulary.

Wen me say poor, me ah talk about the following:

If you never had current and have fi beg fi ice or buy ice to put in ah yo juice. Yo black and white TV, if you happen to lucky, use to wuk with battery and sometimes the darn battery die when you in the midst of a good movie.

We droge water from stand pipe night and day to fill up the drums, buckets and jug. We even had fun doing it at times, racing to see who fah yard fill up the drum the fastest. Of course, me could ah only carry jug, but me remember some cousins ah try fi carry the biggest bucket because it hold more water, but by the time dem run reach home, only half the water in ah e bucket (good times)

Me member when we use to go to shop and the owners ah watch we like we going thief. Dem had a right cause some we family did thief, but na all ah we. Me think dem even use to give me back too much change, just fi say way me go do, dem lucky me bin honest, but me had dem in ah me mind. So me just kno that one day me ah step in that same shop with a title under me name... dem things motivate we

Me remember we use to bathe ah river, but that ah after we done wash we basin ah clothes and hang them out to dry. And den me cousins and I bathe in ah d deep hole or catch crayfish fi the pot later. Me love the deep hole and dey nuff ah we learn to swim (some with we eyes closed under water till we reach from one side to the next ...we butt up, but that ah how we know we out ah the deep part). Den days bin sweet cause we even bathe in we panty and jackey alone and no one watch we, but dem days dey done. After we go home and some ah we, like one cousin me now haffi go bathe again by he mother. But even though others ah we foot white like a kettle ashes as my mother wudda say, all we do ah grease down and we good to go.

If yo poor, den yo must know bout latrine. D worse part was night time when d frogs and cockroaches come out and long time me na see ah latrine and nuff ah we now live in ah wall house with flash toilet. At first it take a little getting use to with water an splash pan yo batty, but it better than the past wars with the cockroaches looking fi bite off yo batty.

Me remember how me use to love when rain come at night, just hearing it pound on we galvanize. Me never know bout house fi seal, a roof over we head was all we need. At times we haffi shift we bed or rain wet we up fi all who dead...yes shift we bed, the scraps ah cloth we spread, but we never mind, in fact we enjoy weselves. Me remember the sweetest times was when we parents lift we by we grandma to go to fete, all ah we just spread out on the ground, till some use to fight fi under d bed...let me pause (me remember me cousin Rochelle who loved under the bed, die very young at only age 18, may her soul rest in peace)

Life wasnt a bed of rose, but we build good memories. We never walk barefoot like we parents to go to school or did we have to come home from school fi lunch and can't go back cause land haffi wuk. We poor, dey bin poorer, but dem mek sure dem do all dem can fi we reach where we r. Sacrifice me nah figet.

So when me say me cousin ah lawyer or doctor, accountant, technicians, pastors, mason or carpenters and when me say me brothers ah teachers , me sis soon come nurse and me soon get me PhD, celebrate with we. If you see any ah we today, don't jealous we, don't covet we. Just member where we come from and continue to pray fi we.

KEEP UP YOURSELF SO MI MOMMY SAY

When I was younger, I remembered hearing my mom spoke about how some of the girls in the community 'keep up themselves.' Whilst some may not know what it means, I am sure that many have heard it before. Essentially, if you get pregnant in your teens, you didn't keep up yourself. That would mean that you studied too many boyfriends and they not pay attention to your books. Once you pass 20, you are in a better light, but if with that age, you are educated and have a job, you have done well keeping up yourself. In fact, when my mom spoke, if you get pregnant after getting your subjects and having a job, while in your 20s, you keep up yourself, regardless of whether you married or not.

Keep up yourself, it would seem, comes with a mental focus on career, education and marriage. While in high school, you will hear a lot about getting pregnant, hardly little about sex, although implicitly, when you hear about keep up yourself, it really means 'don't go have no sex.' However, sex education  is not something I think a lot of Caribbean parents sit down and discuss with their child. In fact, I kept thinking how uncomfortable it would have been if my mother had ever sit me down to talk about it and I am glad that I understood clearly what she meant by keep up yourself without having the actual 'talk'. 

As you become more mature, your focus on keeping up yourself is more so for you, rather than disappointing your parents. You may start thinking about education and career and wanting to be totally independent. For me, my motto was, "me na go depend pon no man fi nothing." Maybe it was because of all the things I heard my mother said, for example, "man nah give nothing, fi nothing." Whatever the case, my dream was to have a good career (which I am still searching for) own a big house on a hill (which me na get yet) and never married (which me done do). Still, for most parts I am extremely content with what I have accomplished today, how my life has changed and would arguably state that "Keep up yourself" is a good phrase to live by.

Recently however, I began thinking how, so often, we can forget about certain aspects of our lives by focusing extensively on one thing. I realised that hasn't it been for my health issues, I would have still been childless, trying to finish my PhD before making that decision. I heard stories about persons who when they were ready for other parts of their lives to fall in place, it was, in some cases, impossible because they waited to long. I started wondering, can you keep up yourself too long? Maybe not, but I came to the conclusion that in everything we do there must be balance. Do not find yourself too much to the extreme of certain things. Do not put yourself in the position to live with regrets. Therefore, I say to you these two two things:

Firstly, there is a time for everything under the sun. If you are in high school, stay focus on the goals at hand

Secondly, Strike a balance, but make good choices. If you are in a career or at college/university, consider the other parts of your life. It might be the need for a spouse, a home, a family, a child etc Whatever the case, put a plan in place because one thing I know, age does not stand still while you seek to accomplish the different things in your life. Do not have all the degrees in the world, the best job and maybe even riches only to live a life of regret by later realizing one less degree accomplishment, one less career success would have been much better if  it would have given you time to have a family. 

Yo can't change man!!!

Yesterday morning, I was washing some dishes when I over heard a very interesting conversation between my neighbours (two young men) and I wasn't eavesdropping....they couldn't care less who heard. What so interested about it? One of the young man in response to his friend's issue said that women always think they can change man, but they can't, to which the young man agree. The story:

He usually tell his ladies friends upfront that he is not the married type. So he was speaking to a girl, that he is interested in, about having a previous relationship with another woman, while cheating on that lady...According to him, the current girl didn't say anything  and he felt that means she is ok with his lifestyle because he was simply giving her a piece of his character (though his sister said he needs to change, but he is just not ready).  Now the present girl is now having issues with him (she went in a relationship with in spite of what she heard) and she knew from beginning how he stayed...To which is friend responded..."women always feel they can change man." Now isn't that interesting coming from the horse's mouth.

I reflected on my own dating life growing up and yes, they are right. Sometimes, we think that we can change man. The Christian who dates the unsaved, but figured some where down the line he will change because she can influence him and before you know it, you are the one changing (I have had my own experience with that). I have left relationships (there is one in particular because I was so in love), not because I did not love and really want to be with this guy, but because I realize I could not change him and he would not change for me and even though after the break up, time and other relationships passed between us, when we met it was obvious that we were still both attracted to each other, but I knew in my heart, it makes so sense to go back to him because he still has not changed and I could not live with him as he was. Was he such a bad guy, no...in spite of the fact that he never remembers my birthday, hardly wanted to go out, I would have settled, but he was not a Christian, which for me is a big deal (maybe only other Christians will understand this).

Aren't there women out there who are in some sick, sad relationships, but hang on not only because of love but because of a blind hope that the man will change? In spite of what has happened between him and his ex, it must have have been something the ex did that cause him to butt/bun/horn/cheat on her, but with me he will be so different because I will just cheat him right, that is what we tell ourselves.....WAKE UP LADIES! 

There are some men out there, married and unmarried who cheat on their women because of their nature...the women are doing there very best and they have no reason and need no reason. You cannot change man. Only the man himself with the help of God can change. So if you are in a relationship.  my advice to you is to either accept your cheating man for who he is or move on. Do not stay in the relationship looking to change him if you know you found him and accept him like that from the beginning, you would only stress yourself. 

Is it a big deal if your spouse looks at another woman?

http://shmector.com/photo/people/sexy_cartoon_woman/4-0-480

There is a lot of drama in relationships because one party makes their eyes go where they shouldn't. Many times, women get upset or maybe even angry if they caught their man looking at another woman. Should they be? I often asked myself.

 I think at times it is dependent on how secure you feel in the relationship. Depending on how secure you feel, it would not worry you if your spouse looks at another lady. Nevertheless, there are many women who have been cheated on and still remain with their boyfriends, some even go as far as marrying their cheating boyfriends and then expect miracles afterwards. Hence, they continue to live in a state of drama, worry and fear. If his eyes cross to the other side, they vex. I do not think they should be. If you are with a cheating man and you know that and in front of you or in your companionship he looks on another woman, to vex, to me is  waste of time. What do you expect from  a cheater? Some women will say have a little respect when they are around. To me, respect is bigger than that. Why sell yourself short to say, babes, please respect me when I am here and do not stare at women like that. Basically, you are saying, you can do it behind my back.

My major reason, however is what I have seen in my own experiences. On the beach, in the street and other places, there are times that I were the first to look on another woman, even before my husband looks, if he looks at all. I also at times point his attention to some of these ladies and start a discussion of having a daughter dress that sexy and going out in the street. There are some beautiful ladies out there, who are super sexy and some times, I look and in my head I say, her skin smooth eh, or her stomach flat eh or wow, those clothes look hot on her.  Can you blame the man for looking? If as a straight woman, they make me look, isn't the man human too? Does looking mean that you want to get in bed? 

I am convinced though that some women's dress in a way to make any weak man fall, some of these weak men even rape and I am not in any way saying that the men have a right to rape woman who dress provocatively and look hot. I am simply saying that there are some already messed up men out there that if you help them a long with your provocative dressing, they will rape you... that's how sexy a lot of women are. They make other women look, they make strong men look, weak men look, pastors look, politician look and at the end of the day we are all human, just looking. It doesn't have to mean a thing... not lust, the need to get closer, nothing. Can 'just looking' be helped when a sexy looking person cross your pathway?

To be cheated on by your Christian spouse...

It is not easy falling in love and getting married, only to live a life with a man or woman who is cheating, especially if that person is suppose to be a Christian. As Christians at times, when two non-Christians get married or one Christian and a non-Christian and  the non-Christian cheats, we say things like what you expect, he/she needs the Lord, they should have seen it coming etc However, when it is two Christians and one cheats, we are lost for words, or say, he/she was never saved. Still my focus is not on the cheating, but what happens after, how it affects the other partner.

It seems that some Christian ladies and males become so distraught when their Christian spouses cheat that it shakes their very own Christianity. Some end up backsliding and I wonder why. Is it because they want to remarry and their church is against divorce? Is it that the core of their relationship with Christ was dependent on their relationship with their spouse? Is it that they are so angry and bitter against their spouse that to go to church and remain in Christ creates extra stress because they cannot forgive or don't want to? Is it the need for sex? There could be so many reasons and one can even understand some of the reasons, but is the lost of one relationship with their spouse worth the lost of their relationship with God?

Growing up in church, even when I was not a Christian or live a committed life, I knew that I wanted a husband who was a Christian. I wanted a family that will go to church together and pray together. I did not want to leave my husband at home and I got that when I get married, but I also bear in mind that a human is a human and even when you have a beautiful relationship, disruptions sometimes take place that you did not foresee even when you thought you were most vigilant. Hence, an important part of my life was to make God the centre of attraction. I tell myself as sweet, loving and caring my husband is, I do not know what the future holds and although I want us to have a 'til death do us part' experience, it might not happen. Should my relationship ends before such time, God forbid, my prayer is find refuge in my true love, Christ, to draw close to him and get so wrapped up in him and his works that I will receive the healing of the heart that is needed to get over my spouse. I urge every married Christian couple to evaluate exactly where Christ is in their life in comparison to their spouse. You might think he is first, but when you start your evaluation, you realize Christ is second and should this be the case, the lost of a husband/wife may mean the lost of your relationship with Christ.

Don't drop Boaz to pick up Bozo!

http://www.mainlesson.com/display.php?author=winter&book=aesop&story=dogreflection

When I was a little girl, I read the story about the dog and the bone...I am sure a lot of you remember it. The dog that look over the water with the bone in his mouth and in looking to get that bone, he drop the one in his mouth. I remember after reading it, many of us, thought how greedy and stupid that dog was to grab at the shadow when he had the real thing in his mouth (also the moral of the story). I live to see many women behave like that dog.

Have you ever heard any woman say, ohh I use to be with that guy... you look across to see a settled, handsome man walking with his wife and kids and so you couldn't resist asking, so what happened? To your amazement, at times, you hear statements such as he was too nice or too soft. I often wondered, how can a man be too nice, but I have lived to see some men who can fall in that category and to understand more of what we women look for in a men. For example, at times some women have a tendency to willfully do things to upset a man, just to hear them 'MAN UP' I guess, and say No!! We love the authoritative part of a man and though we do not want an abuser, we want a man who can control us to a degree. Well sad to say that in yearning for that, many have given up some great Boaz for some worthless Bozo and live to regret.

There are ladies who had reached the point of engagement and it ended not because of irreconcilable differences or any dramatic event, but because a Bozo shadow appears and you think he is better, only to realize you dropped the real thing. This Bozo just sweeten you up when you are with the man and show you some false colours and you figure, oh he is better and later on after you have given up your Boaz, the Bozo revealed his true colours packed with his many excuses and you are too shame to admit your mistake.... "Butt like rain" It is either stay and live in torment or leave, but too embarrass sometimes, many end up staying. Remember, there are some men out there, like women, who only want you when they see you with somebody else. Some even make bets that they can take you away. Once they get you for themselves, you move from looking great to looking mash up like hard time meeting you...Stress!

I would tell you this, marriage with a Boaz or a Bozo still requires a lot of work, but I am quite certain with a Bozo is more work, so which would you prefer to end up with, the man who is too nice or the worthless one?  Don't grab at the shadow ladies. Be careful how you go about making the decision to drop one bone for another...It might look sweeter and juicer, but later on you might  find out it is neither sweet nor juicy...Or maybe doesn't even exist for their are men who come after you at times, knowing they are with another woman and in the end you might choose to stand up and fight for that Bozo who put you in that position in the first place or leave empty-handed. 

A section of the story " The dog and his Reflection" states:

"If he had stopped to think he would have known better. But instead of thinking, he dropped his bone and sprang at the Dog in the river, only to find himself swimming for dear life to reach the shore. At last he managed to scramble out, and as he stood sadly thinking about the good bone he had lost, he realized what a stupid Dog he had been."

How Women Treat Man? Man versus Dog

http://safiyathoughts.blogspot.com/

There are a lot of writings on the needs of the women, how they should be treated, where men go wrong etc etc, but many times we fail to write about the man themselves. Are they always treated fairly? When we make demands on what he is not doing for us, do we ever take time to focus on what we are not doing for him. In my own relationship, from time to time, I have to stop breathe and take in my man right in the midst of what he  not doing something that I asked him to do. I weigh out how I treat him and how he treats me and many times I find gaps and I see where he has tried and I know I must appreciate my good good man.

Well ladies, like us, the man them have feelings. We can't go around and talk them down with our girlfriends and sometimes even our boy friends who at times we end up with after they pretended that they are better. If you check out what you say at times, you would realize that most of the times, when you talk about your man is mainly negative. The fact that you are still with him says that he has some positives that you admire, let us focus on 'bigging' them up for that. There is no woman or man who can ever say I talk bad about my husband to them. Is it that we are perfect? Of course not, but I am certain that his positives outweigh his negatives and I see no need to complain and even if it was the opposite I would prefer to go a professional who can help that someone who just have ears to spare and a mouth to tell others the wrongs in my relationship and how bad my man may be treating me. I know there are times we may have good, trust worthy friends who can offer words of advice so with that I say be very careful who you talk to. If it is a case that you are looking for help, it might be better to seek professional help. Still, a lot of times women talk down men, they are not looking for help and the person listening just want the juicy details. 

Do not embarrass your man in public especially amongst his friends. What is wrong with you girlfriend? I am sure you have always heard about the BIG EGO. Well I believe every man has one and it can be bruised and when it is, you might not like their reaction. Some women believe that they are so hot, so sexy, so educated etc etc that the man should feel lucky to have them. So they say meet them for 5 and they should be there by 4:30. They should never ever have them waiting. Really now? Are you in a relationship or a competition to prove that your Lassy, the dog is most obedient? So at the end of the day, because the man move when you shout and do not hit you back when you slap him in front his friends, you feel like the boss. You have his friends calling him soft and you, yourself, might even leave him because he is too soft for you. What you fail to see is that you have a gentleman who loves you and another man would have 'buss'  and twist your face with a slap! Sadly, I say without condoning any action against women, sometimes we blame the man for treating a woman a particular way, without looking at how the woman has contributed to her own treatment. I see with my own eyes women embarrass men and I think to myself, that couldn't be my brother. It is good to respect your man and let his friends see that he has a good woman.

Finally ladies, we love the flowers, the romancing, the finer things, but unless you have a rich man, do not put holes in the man pocket. There are times that women want a man to give them so much and nothing cheap either, that they fail to realize that money can run out. Help the man budget. Be observant of the fact that he might own a car, but not a house and one day instead of living in a car, you would want to live in a house and to get a house, he must save. So your last birthday you might have gotten a gold chain or even diamond earrings, but this one you can only get some nice natural cosmetic jewelry, accept it and smile. Stop look at what your friend's man buy for her all the time; his pocket might be larger than your man's. Maybe he has a better job or richer parents. In a relationship,consider the thought behind the gift or the lack of gift. Know that he loves you regardless and yes I know some men stingy, but I am speaking generally here about a good man who cares, who wants to give, but cannot give all the time. 

Individualizing You

http://www.allposters.com/-sp/Individuality-Posters_i2548929_.htm

It is a very sad state when persons do not have an identity of their own, but it is worse when their actions are often dependent on who they are around and what is taking place at that very moment. I have seen it a lot in schools, churches, relationships and other aspects of our society. So I choose the title " Individualizing You," not in an effort to underplay the role of the wider society at large, our friends and families, but rather to highlight the importance of knowing self. 

There are many people who are a part of relationships but do not know who they are. They cannot say no, even when they want to, because their actions are determine by what their friends say or what they spouse would do and ohhh how they do not want to lose him or her...they would do anything. Often, they remain in abusive relationship because they cannot see themselves outside of the shadow of their spouses. There are many men who sleep with girls and then get those very girls to sleep with their friends. You may wonder why would she make such a crippling decision...she might answered she loves him with little thought about how much he loves her. Is it that she doesn't care? No, rather, it is that she cares too much for him and too little for herself. She does not know her own worth. There is a lack of individuality or singular identity and her actions are determined by the crowd, leaving only a collective identity that is shaped and molded by whom she is around.

Even within the church, this lack of individualism is observed in the actions of persons, others would referred to as hypocrites. At times, these Christians are not hypocrites, but lack the individualism of determining who they are and what they want, rather than what others want for them. So today, they are in church serving God, singing and crying and lifting up holy hands. They are happy and contented because this is the life they desire, it feels right, but next week, they have found themselves at a picnic that turned into a party. They know something is not right, but in the flair of the moment, the friends they cherish and respect, they other 'christians' they see doing actions that seem contrary, but they feel are holier than they are so it can't be all that wrong, they let what should be a war against the enemy become an easy victory and so they join the party. Then they are invited to a next and the guilt and shame of saying no because they were just seen at another causes them to attend and before they know it, they are in a state where, even to attend church is a burden of guilt and shame, and instead of confessing, they choose the easy way out by pulling down church and church people to justify their actions, without even considering what God has to say.

To be an individual means to know self...Who am I, What is my purpose, What are my dreams, How much of my actions are me? Christianity is not about submitting to what church people including the pastor says, but to submit to what God says, so the question to be answered is Who am I in Christ? I believe when we have answered that, backsliding would not be an option regardless of the war we will face. Our lives would no longer be defined by what others tell us about the bible, the guilt trip that, shamefully, some pastors takes us during their sermons, but our own genuine love and relationship with God. 

To know you is to stop peer pressure in its tracks.

To know you is to accept the consequences of our decisions without casting blame on another

To know you is to live with little regrets. Just check how many of your regrets were influenced by another.

To know you is to be happy and contented with your life as you are living it.

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Why I chose my man?

Hardly ever does someone marries their first love. Also in today's world you will find that a woman is not single because she has not been approach by any men, but rather, she was not approach by the RIGHT man. What is the right man?

I have gone through several different relationships in my life, fell in love and in most cases, without falling out of love the relationship ended because that man was not the right man for me. Do you know that you can still have feelings for a person, but just have to leave?

My goals in  relationship were the following:

• A man who attracts me. I really need that chemistry, that allure, that sexiness etc etc Of course there are many men out there with it. In fact, it is found in a lot in 'bad' guys; the one who smokes, drinks, party hard, have a lot of women etc...No wonder so many women are caught up with them, but is it enough?
• Secondly, I want a man who loves and have a relationship with God. Even when I wasn't living a right life and flirted a lot, I knew those 'relationships' were temporary because they were not my man of God.You might wonder, why didn't I mention it first. It is not because it is not the first thing I seek out, but because before a man approaches me, the first thing I notice is not how Christian he is, but how handsome he is. The Christian talk comes with conversation during the relationship, but the physical is the first thing you will see. I guess that is why sometimes Christian women get caught up with unsave men...they can't get pass that chemistry, huh?
• I am attracted to quiet men, who do not talk a lot. Well if you know me, you would know that I have enough conversation for me and my man. I am very talkative. Don't know how it would go down with two 'chatter box' in a house. Still, it was not simply because I talk a lot, but I love the mystery behind a quiet man.
• I love an ambitious man. Now I said ambitious and  not educated or even rich, not because I want a 'dumsy head', but because I have seen men who did not have it academically, who had a trade that they succeed in and who never settle for mediocre. I love to listen to progressive men, who looks to the future with a plan, not a man who is not sure when he will move out his parents house, highly dependent on them and have no intention of sorting out his own life as if he would be young forever or waiting for his parents to die to get the dead left.
• Lastly, I want a man who I can trust. Now people may wonder how do you figure that one out and I cannot give a direct answer. For me I go with my gut. It is like this third sense. If a man is a cheater, I just get this feeling from beginning and know that this is not a relationship, might be a flirt, but not a relationship. I have no time or intention of listening to people or checking text messages, hiring Private Investigator or calling every minute to find out where you are at, who you are with, why you are home late etc. If I have any feeling at all that will cause me to be going crazy doing those things, I gone, that's the end of me and you. So with my husband, I live my life smoothly and with no worries. I am highly secure not because cheating is impossible, but because I trust him that much to believe he would not. Should he cheat, I would not know lest I see it with my own two big eyes and even then I might doubt what I see.

So there are men who have asked me why this guy and not me. If you check my short list above, you would realise you have failed at least one of my major pointers. My man is my man, not because he is perfect, but because he is perfect for me. 

Marriage is hard work, not just a simple romantic ride!

My husband and I recently became part of a couples ministry at our church and I must say it is fun and interesting. One day I listen to the pastor, who is married for over 25 years expressed how much work his wife and him put into their marriage just to ensure that it last, even though they love each other. He explained all the marriage sessions, workshops etc they attend just so that they can learn how to be creative and keep their marriage exciting.

There are many who think love can do it all by itself. They enter their marriages with no plans, but an idea that their love and actions during the relationship will take them through. I am sure there are many divorcees out there who will beg to differ. Marriage is hard work and unlike relationships outside of marriage you cannot simply walk away, not without fighting those legal battles. Why, however, think about your marriage ending, while you can be focusing on making it work?

When I got married, I said it was for the long run and I think we all say that, but I really do not believe in divorce and remarrying so it really has to go for the long run. Anyway, even though we don't curse and fight (really), we face obstacles from time to time and I get upset as I am sure he does at times, but again we never argue. What I do is look at MYSELF. That's the first thing. Many times persons can point out the many faults of their spouse but cannot name one that they have. Isn't that strange?  I really don't believe there is a perfect man/woman out there. Many times in looking at MYSELF I see where I am over reacting or where I have contributed, although there are times I am good to approach my other half and say it is all you. The thing is even though he doesn't say it, I think he looks into himself too, because one thing preventing us from arguing is that at the end we are man or woman enough to say we were wrong, we are sorry and move on.

What I am saying to you is what you (plural) want for your marriage is what you should be willing to work for. Don't have objectives and yet seek out miracles. Don't expect from your partner without first expecting from yourself. Do not become too overly focus on what your partner isn't doing right while failing to see what you are doing wrong. Set goals and try your best with whatever little or big resources you have to achieve them. Additionally, GET INVOLVE in marriage seminars, workshops, ministry etc. Enjoy your marriage.

Who to love me?

Whenever someone has an addiction and seek rehabilitation  one of the things that they have to come to grip with is a simple statement...I am an addict and I need help. It is all about moving beyond self denial. I have seen a lot of denial and pretense when it comes to love.

You are single seeking a relationship, but somehow things not going as you plan. Maybe you are no longer as in your 20s; you spent a lot of time concentrating on school and a career and now that you want to complete your circle with a husband/wife and kids, you realise you are still single. 

Maybe you are younger, but somehow the guys you like never give you the time of day, no one approach you. What to do?

Do not deny yourself love by making this statement, "I do not want no man." Pretending that you are happy with your solitude does not fulfil the vacuum within your heart, the emptiness you feel when you see a happy couple or hear about a loving relationship. Do not suffer under pretense. Wanting someone to love you is not a bad thing, but depression can arise from pretending you don't.

What should you do in the mean time?

•  Enjoy dating and outings even if it is with your girlfriends. 
• Treat yourself, eat healthy and look attractive. Do not look unavailable when you know you are available and yes...there are some men who do not approach some ladies because they look taken. Remember a confident  lady can be intimidating to a man who might be mustering up the strength to ask you out. Try to balance confidence with vulnerability...show yourself as a strong, confident woman who can allow a man to lead. 
• Widen your horizon. Your spouse might not be in your church, your community or even your island. When you save, feel free to move around, travel and enjoy new scenery.

Who to love you? There is someone out there. 

My Marriage proposal

No matter how much you talked about getting married, I believe any lady looks forward to their wedding proposal. You do not simply want to be with a guy for however long, sit with him talking about whether it is time to get married and then before you know it you are planning for a wedding without a real proposal. Anytime, I look at wedding photos, I wonder what was the proposal like? Were you aware, unaware, was it romantic or dull, where was it, what did he do, how you feel? I also enjoy watching videos on proposals...so romantic. Well today, I am going to tell you about my marriage proposal and I hope that those of you who are married or engage, will be willing to comment on your proposal.

My husband and I visit jewelry stores often. These are often  times when we are shopping for gifts for each other and it started before we got married. Other times, we did it for the fun of seeing what's new. Sometimes we looked at engagement and wedding rings having talked about marriage before, simply wanting to know each other's preference. I remember clearly the ring I fell in love with one day we went shopping. It was just an engagement ring without a wedding band, but very unique compare to other others. I tried it and I loved it. As a woman, my intuition wondered if something was up. My birthday was pretty close and I wondered, was he going to propose? Still, I didn't want to dwell on it because I didn't want to go on my date for my birthday expecting something that was far from his mind. Imagine how disappointing that can be.

Anyways, my birthday came and that evening I dressed not knowing where I was going. I was driven to Knutsford Courts Hotel  for dinner :) Nothing beats these special moments and I believe all women looks forward to being pampered and taken care of and just feeling special; on our birthdays, anniversary, valentines, Christmas and even ordinary days. He had my gift in a gift bag; I thought with a gift bag that size what can it be.  We order champagne and our three course and of course I could have ordered anything on the menu, I chose however not to burst his pocket :) Afterall I wanted more dates lol. Then came the time to open my gift. Always an excited time, opening gifts, not knowing what you have gotten this time, but can't wait to see, I took it and started to pull out the material that was inside. I later realise that the bag was big the stuffing was a lot, but the gift was small. There, at the bottom of the bag was a somewhat square box, maybe a watch or a chain I thought as I have jumped little hints that I wanted jewelry. He looked at me intensely as I opened it. I smiled as I gaze upon my gold chain. I was quite contented with my gift and so I attempted to take it out for a closer look and maybe even wear it for the evening when I realise that beneath the cotton in the box was something else that did not come out with the chain. It wasn't a pendant because clearly it would be on the chain. I sort to raise the cotton to look beneath and in doing so, I watched my husband got down on one knee and I listened to him said these words to me:

" You came to Jamaica and stole my heart and now I am giving you the rest of me with it. Would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" And guess what I said...

I still cannot express how I feel then. I remember blushing from that instant all throughout the night, wondering if, in spite of our cozy corner, others within the restaurant had seen. I remember thinking I love him. Today, I still feel the same for him as I did the day I knew he would make me happy and there is no regret.

POOR AND UGLY BUT LOOK AT ME NOW!!!

Source: https://twitter.com/BeautyFrmAshes

 Can you recall all the persons who looked down on you throughout your life because you could not dress like them, wear the right clothes, speak the right way? The people who made you feel ugly because your eyes were too big, your teeth were not properly shaped, you were too black...Can you remember the guys who bypass you for what they thought was 'pretty'? Don't you wish you can look at them and say look at me now!!! 

I think the stage in your life you feel this most is as a teenager. You get attracted to persons at that stage mainly on looks and if you do not fill the criteria, then you are left out.  Nothing is wrong with having preferences, but there are some (both girls and guys) who have to make you feel that you are not in the category and so they say thinks that eventually shatter your self esteem. But then you grow up, you are educated, have a good job and can now afford to buy the right clothes. Your self confidence and self esteem is now built.  You look around and what do you see:

• Some 'scrawny' men, some of them lips black from smoking and skin shine from consuming too much alcohol and you wonder it can't be. Couldn't be the same sexy guys you infatuated about as a teenager? They come up to you as if they think they still have it going on and  like between then and now, your body grew but your mind remained the same, expecting to have the same effect...Ha! Look at me now!!!
• You look at some of the girls that seemingly had it going on. Some well mash up and look twice your age, burden with children they cannot care for, uneducated because they skull classes to meet and sex with man. You wish you can say to them...Look at me now!! for the many times they throw word and call you names, but all you feel is sympathy. Others, are educated and in good jobs, but have many regrets, their mind still have not grown as they continue to hang on to their 'piece' of man who lacks ambition and fail to see the world is changing. Count your blessings, look in the mirror, smile and tell yourself, look at me now.

Be careful the decisions you make in your early life, the friends you keep, the people you speak. For those of you who are poor, think you are ugly because you have heard it so many times, closed your ears to the negative world, focus on achieving what you can now. Look in the mirror and see your beauty through your own eyes. Poverty can be only for a period if you want it to. One day you will be able to afford it all and your very essence will shout at the world LOOK AT ME NOW!!!

Keep Christ in your marriage and reduce divorce

It always baffled me why divorce is so high among Christian couples. When I got married, I found myself being super vigilant, looking for signs of things that might eventually build up and become so sour that we seek divorce. I make it a habit to express myself fully when I am happy or unhappy so that my husband would not have to read my mind. Mind you, there are times when I get so upset that I do not want to talk, but after a while I know I have to if I want to see changes and so I do. So why is divorce is so high among Christian couples? I think it is because we downplay and in many cases remove Jesus, the foundation on which our relationship is built. It can be one individual or both persons within the relationship who remove God, but whatever the case I can see where God can become absent and how it can eventually affect our relationship.

I love my husband and care deeply about him and I would like to believe that the feelings I had the day we started chatting, to our first kiss and eventually our marriage will last forever. Do we get upset with each other? Of course. There are some little things that can nag at you and as little as they are, if you are not vigilant, it can result in big argument. Simple things as to where you leave your shoe, the clothes you take off etc You see I think what we fail to realise as Christian couples is that we are ordinary humans, who have made a decision to come together and occupy one space. We may have things in common, but we still have different personality, which may clash from time to time. It doesn't matter how in love we are, a relationship Christian or non-Christian requires work.

What I think should be different for Christians is that we should be following the word of God and applying it  to our marriages. When you get angry, which often might happen, do not sin...Angry and Sin not. Denying self is important whether you are Christian or not, but where is this constantly taught? Is it not within the church, a call make to all believers? Well self is not only denied when it comes to the things of God, but is also important within relationship. So he is dead wrong and thinks he is right, but there is a need to make him pay? Well that desire is normal as a human but as a Christian, should you let it determine your next course of action? So often we do, we forget who we are in Christ. We get tired of him doing the same thing over and over and the devil find a way to play on our sinful nature until we find ourselves, no longer caring, but revengeful. Why shouldn't he put in the same effort too? Isn't he a Christian also? MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK!!! If we find ourselves concentrating on what the other partner should do, we might become so stress and then eventually lose our marriages. 

 I believe that if both partners are  Christian and commit themselves to doing his will then when problems and issues arise in the relationship, they will act accordingly. Argument would not be allowed to get so bad that curse words become involve. Do not think you are a super human because you call yourself Christian either. There would be things that you need to take to a counselor and seek help because you have tried, you have prayed, but one partner is just not changing or even understanding how it is affecting you. Before you allow yourself to become so bitter that your love turns to hate, seek help because as a Christian you are thought faith without works is dead and also to use wisdom in your actions. 

Christians, let us be wise in our relationship.  No one wants to marry the love of their life to divorce anytime after, whether short or long.