I saw an image on facebook recently with the words of Albert Einstein stating "Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.". It is something that I thought about many years ago before I got married and something I have observed in many relationships. You may not agree with me, but I would love to hear your opinion at the end.
I have heard several men complained that their wives have changed and not for the best and also within a short space of time in their marriages. In what ways have they changed is normally my question? Somehow it is always related to their expectations of their MARRIED husbands and his failure to meet these expectations. Somehow they wanted their husbands to change from being a single man to a married man and they get upset and began NAGGING when their expectations are not met. Now before I got married, I looked at my husband and I knew he would make me happy and my only request was that he does not change and if he does let it be for the better and if it is not, let me at least enjoy some solid years in my marriage before any negative change come along :). Anyway, my question is, should there be a difference between the man you married when he moves from being unmarried to married? Should he stop liming or cut out his female friends and start acting like a married man, if you married him like that and if so why?
If a man marry you and he never heard you complained about his behaviour before and now that you got married, you start complaining about the very things he was doing that you had no problem with, what is he to think and how is he to feel, especially under nagging? Ending it with "you are married now", what does that mean? A ring does not give power to neither man or woman, but as women we sometimes act as if it does and start demanding and in some cases commanding things and before we know it, we are divorced. My advice would remain, be careful whom you choose to be in your life and request your changes prior to the wedding (TALK) so that at least you can say after you are married that he knew you did not like this/that. As you go on in the marriage, things will come up that both of you might be expected to compromise with, but forcing changes on certain things that you were aware of prior to your marriage might just lead to divorce.
Wow this one is too hot to handle, its very timely. Some friends of mine are having this problem complaining to their husbands that "oh ur married now". Mind u the men cheated in the girlfriend and boyfriend stage, them women cheated back, then came a baby ,then the marriage. Sequence of events in REVERSE! Now the wives are stressed as the husbands are galavanting all over the place,still with their friends whether male or female, and the wives have a problem with that. What did they expect? That the marriage would suddenly TAME the man? A male friend of my husband's who also has a common law family is now saying he is going to get married so it will "SETTLE him" ,mind you he has a side woman and then went to engage his baby's mama. I think its all madness,very UNGODLY. If people dont sit down and talk these things out before marriage, what makes them think marriage will just bring about a big change for the better without the problems?
ReplyDeleteFrankly i dont think my husband needs people like that as his friends. Althought they are childhood friends. He keeps having to talk to this man all the time, and the man does not seem to be listening and is now not talking to my husband, so maybe thats for the best. lol
ReplyDeleteIt just goes to show that many persons do not understand marriage and what they are getting themselves to. Marriage is something that I had feared. When I was younger, I always think of it as a burden and something you can't get yourself out of as divorce is not an option. I however remember a teacher spoke about her husband one day, and she was just so happy. Here were people talking about how she keep leaving her husband and going here and there and here was she talking about her beautiful marriage. In her words, if you treat your husband like a king, he would treat you like a queen. I never forget that and I applied it to my marriage. It shows that marriage can be a beautiful thing, but too often people married with the expectation or intention of change. If it is not good before or during the relationship and there is no commitment and movement towards change before, how can adding a ring to a Bozo turn him into a Boaz?
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