A married man is a MARRIED MAN: Go get your own

http://vivnews.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/
married-men-and-armenian-women/

When I was dating, I was approached on different occasions by men who were married and men who appeared single, but later I found out they are married. I remembered one time, this married man wanted to take me out, while his wife was enjoying her vacation in another country and I reminded him of his marriage and his response was he doesn't see anything wrong with having a little 'side-order' once it is kept between the two persons. I let him know nicely that I wasn't interested in becoming a side-order even though I chose my words carefully. When I looked back on that day, two things stood out. Firstly, he wasn't even aware that I knew him wife and knew her very well and secondly, Why should I settle for a side-order, when I can become a whole meal? Maybe I should have been blunt with him, maybe I should have rebuked him harshly for the audacity of him to even suggest to me such a thing, but knowing the position he held, I figured we would have crossed bridge in the professional world some point at and I didn't want to burn that bridge.

In spite of the different married men who tried, I told myself one thing. I am not going to blithe myself. Yes, I believe that getting involve with a married man can blithe you and since I wanted to get married one day and didn't want 'what goes around, come around' on me I choose to leave them at Jesus's feet. Now, I am not sure why people get involved with married men. Maybe it is the fact that apart from the sex, they are getting their basic needs met, given vacation and other valuable assets without the burden of cooking, washing and cleaning. Maybe it is the 'excitement' of being a 'bad' girl who can take away other people's married man. Maybe he is just too sexy and irresistible. Maybe you didn't know he was married and by the time you found out, you have already fallen in love. I do not know. What I do know is that he is married and there is a wife out there who probably looks/feels stressed because she is tired of the "horn, butt or bun" that her man is given her or there is a wife that is praying for her husband to come back to her. The funny thing is that these husbands in many cases, never leave their wives and if they are placed to choose, they often choose to remain with their wives. My question then is how do these men view you? Are you viewed as marriage materials or simply as sex objects? And if you know the answers, do you care?

Now I am married and I pray that God bless my relationship and protect my husband from the vipers out there. I have come to realise that while some married men go searching for other women, there are some 'other' women who go searching for married men and even when they are being ignored, they still force themselves on them. I pray that I never encounter such women since I have no intention putting my husband on a platter with two silver wares for them. If my husband should ever go looking, I would first start by evaluating myself to see what I have stopped doing or fail to do and I would seek to fix those, where possible. Ill encourage counselling (although sometimes the man is so far gone he is not interested in what the counselor have to say), but most of all I'll get on my knees and fast for my husband until God honour the words 'till death do us part."

Gossipers should be jailed.

http://www.cvillechurch.com/Articles2010/
Article_Gossip-VerbalSlaughter.htm

In very different settings and time period, I played a game where there is a line of people and then one person is being told something and it is passed on from person to person in the line until the last person got the information and is asked to repeat it. I cannot remember the name of it, but I know that at the end, the message passed on changed tremendously and that is the lesson we were to learn.

Gossiping is a very serious issue, very much like perjury on a witness stand to me as it at times hurt very innocent people. There are some people who live to gossip and can never enter a conversation without using the words "Yo na hear..." (translate- "haven't you heard"). These people are to literally run from. Shout out your hello from a yonder and do not stop. I remember hearing a good friend of mines made this statement one time, "Take the gossip out of the conversation and there is nothing to talk about." So true for many people. These persons are generally persons with no life, nothing better to do and who quick to take out the 'nampy' out of other people eyes and didn't look in the mirror  to remove the set that are in theirs. The conversation never involves them, but is deeply embedded in other persons' business. It is not where you use a person's life as an example while discussing a possible social issue or problem. No! It is where you enjoying talking about and finding out the status about somebody and the information is for your own gratification. You have no intention of helping and your empathy, if present, is highly hypocritical.

Gossippers seem soulless at times. They end their conversations with "na (don't) say me say or you na hear it from me" with little to no regard at times to who would be affected. If someone told me that such person has been speaking negative of me or accusing me of something, I often approach the person and I hate to say "don't worry about that" when the asked who told me so. Why shouldn't I be able to call your name? If someone is going to tell me something and they do not want me to call their names and at times even suggest not to approach the person whom they have accused of saying negative things about me, I often say it is best you keep the information to yourself. What good is it to me then?  I can end up keeping someone malice, resenting them or cursing them based on information that I am not sure about. That it is also why it is important that if you should listen to a gossiper that you approach the other person by giving them the benefit of the doubt as there are two sides to a story. 

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Gossipers have resulted in the break-up of relationship between couples. I often say to people if someone is going to warn me about my husband, for example saying he is cheating, they better come with photos or concrete evidence. And I do not mean photos of him talking to a girl, he is allowed to talk to females, just like I am allow to freely talk to males and I do not want to hear how often you see him with a particular female. Mind your own business. I am not going to harass my husband based on gossip and hear-say. I trust him enough to know that I would stay in the dark and enjoy my marriage until I see the concrete evidence. 

The bible speaks out against gossip:

Proverbs 16:28 

A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.

Proverbs 20:19 

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.

1 Timothy 5:13 

Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.

A happy marriage: Everyone's desire

Whenever I hear people divorce in the early years of their marriage, I wonder what happen? Shouldn't they still be living in the bliss? Why did they get married? Was it pregnancy, were they both ready? Who force who? In the midst of all the questions, is my own desire for a happy marriage and so I explore the many things I can do to improve and maintain my happy marriage. These are some of my practices:

• I do not believe in arguing and so whenever issues arise we talk. Now doesn't that sound fairy tale? Well although it is not easy, it is what we do. There are times I become upset with my husband and he would notice and might ask one question what is wrong? I might not answer because I am so upset and thinks he should know lol Personally, I feel God clamps down my mouth sometimes because the angrier I become, the less I speak and for those persons who know me, they would know that I chat a lot. Sometimes at that very moment, there is this questionable desire for him harass me into telling him what is wrong, so I can release how angry I am, but he does not. Instead, he waits until  I am somewhat cool and then he approaches again. By then, I am calm and ready to speak.
• We practise the words "I am sorry". Not the one where you willfully and continuously do wrong and then you are quick to say I am sorry and expect it to end there. Always doing negative things and saying sorry, would eventually make your 'sorries' worthless. We might be talking about the problem, I feel my husband is wrong, he does not think so or the opposite, but at the end based on what was said, one of us is shown to be in the wrong. Whoever that person is, will use the words. Sometimes persons realize they are wrong, but still hold their ground because no one wants to be wrong. Do you know that there are some persons who never said I am sorry because they are never wrong? 
• We do not have senseless argument for no make-up sex, neither do we fight up for an argument because our motto is, a relationship with no argument is boring. I also do not want to see how angry my husband can get and therefore force an argument on him and I am sure he feels the same. I am happy just the way we are and as along as it can stay that way, his angry side can remain a mystery to me.
• I do not PRESSURE my husband to read my mind. I know there are things that we wish they can just get, but sometimes they are just blank and are not getting our subtle hints so for me I am going to talk. So if you pick up the socks twice with a frown on your face and had to do it a third time, clearly he does not understand you do not want them there. This in no way give you an opportunity to shout and loud him up about his dirty socks on the floor day after day, but to simply let him know how you feel. A husband who cares would understand and try to make things easier for you. Sometimes argument push them away, caused them to respond harshly and to spitefully continue. You would be amazed at what soft kind words with a smiling face can do.
• If I feel like going out sometimes, I do not always wait for my husband to ask me out. I ask him out too and when I do, I date him...meaning I pay. Does he always have to pay even when you are the one who wants to show him a good time?
• There are times I might wish for him to be more romantic. We would all love that to come naturally for every man. It doesn't unfortunately. We do not want to tell them to do this, that way because we don't want them to go back and do exactly what we ask, thus defeating the element of surprise and creativity. So for me, I try to be inventive and creative when it comes to things I do for him, especially on special dates like birthdays and anniversary. It is my hope that he will follow the example set lol, but if I notice he doesn't, again I talk. I do not say specifically what I want, but I use words such as surprise, creative, new, inexpensive. I know nice things cost money, but I express to him that I can appreciate a creative gift even if it is cheap. 

I believe both man and woman should remember and practise their vows from the beginning of their marriage. DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION! TIL DEATH DO US PART...that is how we all ended our vows.From early, the two of you should determine how far you will go for a happy marriage and how much you are willing to comprise and even sacrifice. Don't take it for granted that because you just got married, your marriage can run on the bliss from the wedding day with no further input. Sorry to burst your bubble. The fact that two different persons are now occupying one space (a home) means that the efforts to maintain a happy marriage starts from day one. 

Now this is for a couple who enter into a committed relationship with the same mindset. If you force the man/woman to marry you, accept the marriage proposal even though you know he/she was cheating on you just because of pregnancy or because you are marriage hungry then both of you would need some professional counselling and guidance. 

Orgasm: Should it be real only for men and faked by women

Yesterday, I spent a relaxing day with my friend. In one of our many stimulating and intellectual conversations, we talked about divorce among Christian couples and how poor sexual relationships contribute to it. Although many Christian couples do not enter marriage as virgins, there are many who enter with  limited sexual relationships and many who refused to read and improve their knowledge so that they can have satisfying sexual relationships with each other. 

A part of our conversation was therefore about orgasm and particularly, women's orgasm because most of the time, men have no problem reaching a climax. When I returned home the evening, I started reading. It was amazing that a lot of women have sex out of obligation to their husband and marriage. Some have NEVER achieved an orgasm. Wow!!! I believe some do not even know what one feels like. Others faked it so that the man can stop. Others have become disappointed with their husbands as a result of constant dissatisfaction in sex. While some has divorced,  many have been unfaithful and others remain faithful but suffers internally. You can only imagine some women looking forward for there man to climax so he can get off them or how some call up the rescue word 'headache' so that they would not suffer another moment of boring sex. In addition to all this, is an inability to share with someone what you are going through or be able to talk with other Christian women about spicying up your sex life as, apart from the bed being undefiled, it seems that discussing these things is unholy or should be kept secretive, between the couple no matter how you may suffer. 

Well, let me talk freely about female orgasm. I have no intention of ever faking an orgasm because I do not want my husband to be left with the impression that he is doing something good unless he really is. Studies reveal that it takes the average women 15 to 40 minutes to orgasm. Men take note. It means that you may finish and the woman still want more or she might just be happy that you  are off. Do not think the length of time you stay on her, 'your stamina', is all that matters. When you are finished, what do you do to ensure that she achieves an orgasm? Do you ever stop focusing on yourself and pay attention only to satisfying her? Penetration sex  alone may not achieve orgasm. For many women orgasm lies in foreplay and others can only achieve clittorial orgasm. Also, for some women, you might need to talk to her, (not about the news), to keep her mind consistently on the sex. Throw away the shyness and tell her what you are going to or plan to do to her....Is there anything to stop you from doing this?

If you really want to please your wife, increase your knowledge...READ and TALK.

And Women, please talk also. Instead of focusing on whether or not he cannot finish now or FAKING what could have been a great orgasm, talk to your husband. Tell him what he is doing right or not doing right or where he should concentrate because in fondling around he might hit a nice area or he might just be wasting time at another. When you get married, he was not given a blueprint of all the spots that makes your horny and even with an experienced man, you are still uniquely different.

To end, this article...This is what I know an orgasm to be.  Furthermore, you may feel like every muscle contracting, something inside you want to explode and no matter how you try to stay quiet during sex, at that moment a shout comes from deep within and you just uncontrollably let it out. When you are finished, you would do just like the man, turn and sleep :) because of the level of energy that you just release. People divorce for all kind of reasons, I really do not think bad sex should be one. I also do no think no man or women should be in the marriage suffering from bad sexual relations. My advice...READ and TALK to each other and then TRY some new things. 

Fathers day gift from Beyonce to Jay-Z...

I just read an article about Beyonce giving her husband a $40MILLION JET for father's day. Wow!! I read the comments following the article and my mind became a jungle. Do I want to be come rich? Is that how rich people live? Would I live the same? A lot of the comments had to do with amount of poor and hungry people in the world and the ads on television stating how much a 15cents per day can do. Comments even alluded to Beyonce's Christianity, asking what will Jesus do while suggesting how much that money could have done. In response, someone stated Christians do the same thing, while another asked "Have you seen Billy Graham's pad?"

I look at my own life and my desire to become rich. Would I be willing to give greatly out of the abundance I have? Moreover would I be willing to give it all up so that all those who are suffering can have food on their tables and a place to lay their heads? When the rich, Christian/non-Christian, gives, what are their thoughts...do they feel that they are giving a lot, do they try to give a lot without affecting their luxurious living,   do they have an attitude of 'beggars are not choosers', is it with a humble heart and a contrite spirit or in an effort to grow in fame having their names advertise of the world saying they have given this much to the 'Third World Nation'? If the man who has only 2 bread give one and the one who has 10 give one because he is securing for the future, which gives better?

I look at my life again and I wondered, what would I do different? Do I deserve to be rich as Godly as I feel I am?

Why did you go to that person for advice?

Have you ever notice the persons we choose at times when we made or want to make certain decisions in our lives? Why do we often seek advice from the person who would support our wrongs?

• You break up in your relationship and you speak to the person who never like your spouse or someone who have always told you to break up with them. Are you expecting good advice, really? 
• A person on the verge of backsliding hardly ever speak to a Christian, instead he speaks to one who has also backsliden or persons who are no longer in church to gain support for the reasons he/she is backsliding. The reasons include the people in that church are hypocrites or feel they are better than everybody else. Funny enough these persons never choose to attend another church.
• A young person never go to the one who told them they are too young to have a boyfriend and to study their books. No! They go to  their peers most times, who say things like "man gone and man dey" or willing to listen to who other girls the man was seen with or if he has a vehicle and buy her nice things.

I have often been in conversation where the person speaking really does not expect you to go against them. They want to hear they are right to embarass the man in front of his friends, to curse their relatives or put them in their place, to walk out of their children's lives and leave them to their father (his turn now), to skull school and go visit their boyfriend, to carry clothes in their bags to go out because their parents are not giving them any freedom and the list could go on. As soon as you try to show them the wrong in their 'right', you are no longer a good friend. It makes me wonder, what makes a friend good? Maybe you can help me here.

Big man, really? All that is big about him is his age!!!

The problem I have with big men is when they start acting like little boys. In my years of dating, I dated guys both older and younger than me. Initially, I had issues dating guys younger. In my heart, I felt they were immature, irresponsible and just have what I deemed as a young boy mentality and so I stick to guys that were either my age or older. So when you date older men though, you have certain expectations; things you feel they should know, ways in which you think they should behave. The worst thing that can happen is finding a man who is only big in AGE, nothing else. Have you encounter such persons? You refuse from understanding their behaviour because you just do not think that at their age you should be teaching them or talking to them about things they should know. Now I am no longer dating, but I am observing and maybe it is only me, but sometimes I walk the street and look at some guys who were already big men (age wise) and I ask myself why doesn't he grow up. Who are these men?

• The men who can only date school girls and so every year they look at school girls pass 'jail' age and when these graduate from high school or college, they no longer want them. They seek the new ones.
• The men who, though they are in good jobs, all they have next to their names is a good looking vehicle and maybe some cash in the bank, still living with their mothers and seem to have this intention for the rest of their lives. No house and no preparations to build one, even when they are with you.
• The men who seems to have a 'hen mentality'. Sit on the eggs, but when they are hatched, they disappeared. They have many kids, sometimes impregnating different girls at the same times and in spite of their inability or refusal to take care of the previous kids, they continue. No future goals.
• At the University of the West Indies (Jamaica)- they guys who graduated so long, some of them cannot remember the years, but still hang around places like the Union after work, present at every freshers fete, drinking and talking nonsense, like babies clinging to their mothers, afraid to let go. 
• And finally and it is my own personal bias... dress your age. I just hate see big men have on certain clothes, for example, blue and white sneakers with a blue hat, a blue t'shirt and a pencil foot jeans drop below his butt showing off vest and boxers and earring in both ears. Grow up!