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| http://godsgraceweddings.co.za/content/premarital-counselling |
While I was going through premarital counselling, I asked the pastor how many persons changed their minds during that time. He said none. It is not that I think premarital counselling is not important, but I think the timing is very wrong.
If you have already set your date, bought your dress and other things for the wedding, sent out invitations and you are basically planning and organizing, how likely do you think it is to change your mind if something comes up in the counselling session? I believe whatever is, either you might not hear it or you might figure you can work it out or it wouldn't be an issue after marriage. I believe you would not have an open mind.
So my suggestion would be to start your premarital counselling as soon as you realize you are in the relationship for the long haul. Sometimes couples talk about getting married, before the engagement takes place, other times they get engage, but no date is set yet. Whatever the case, I believe premarital counselling should take place before you start planning for your wedding and definitely before invitations have been sent out. How should you approach premarital counselling?
- With an open mind- Keep in mind the counselling is to find out if you are actually ready for marriage. The level of compromise and sacrifice marriage requires, mean that both partners must be ready for that approach.
- Ready to communicate honestly- A lot of questions would be asked and a lot of important issues would come out during the counselling, but only if both partners are honest and communicate freely. Do not keep things in your heart because you are trying to prevent anything that might prevent your wedding. Counselling might just prevent you from making a decision that would affect the rest of your life. Remember marriage is long term and in your heart divorce should NOT be an option. Talking does not mean you would not get married to your partner, it just help you to recognize some of the issues early, whether or not you can deal with them and how.
- With little publicity about your wedding- Publicizing your wedding to be before counselling makes it harder if at the end you are told by your counselor to wait. Not wanting to be embarrassed, have made a lot of persons make decisions that that they now regret. If people do not know, you can put off your wedding or push back the date without any extra pressure.
- Most importantly, willingness to change your set decision. If you are not, then counselling is not necessary.
Maybe you have some suggestions of your own and want to share. Maybe you want to share your own experience with premarital counselling. Looking forward to hear from you.
Hmm this is very interesting. I agree with the counselling being at the wrong time weeks leading up the wedding yes. I think though that it would be better to have it at the announcement of a couple's engagement. Thats the ideal time i think the counselling should start. Mind you not everybody like me had a 2 year engagement so I am not sure if it would work lol. But there are people who say they are in it for the long haul, then man and woman cheat on each other, then have a kid, then get married, hmm thats everything in reverse. So if they were counselled at that stage, maybe there would have been no cheating, or sex before marriage then and no kid out of wedlock. hmm Just maybe.
ReplyDeleteThere is so much factors to consider.For me, I had the counselling at the wrong time. I was already planning my wedding, but it opened my eyes to so many things. The necessity of counselling, the proper timing etc Most persons do not have long engagement, but a long engagement with the necessary counselling is much better than a short engagement with a short,unplanned counselling sessions.
DeleteWhatever the time persons chose for premarital counselling, they should approach it with an open mind, excepting anything.
I see what you mean, yeah my counselling was 4 weeks before my wedding, by that time everything was in place.
ReplyDeleteI want know if sex therapy is better than marriage counseling, but i do not know if marriage counseling helps with a couples sex life.
ReplyDeleteI believe that sex should not be excluded in marriage counselling, after all it might very well be the reason why you need marriage counselling. Sex therapy on the other hand, is specific to sex and improving your sex life. I cannot say one is better than one as marriage counselling is broader an embodies a variety of topics, while sex therapy can be viewed as one dimensional with every aspect aimed at bettering your sex life. The couple will therefore have to identify their issues and choose carefully which is best and who is best to take you through your situation.
Delete“Counselling might just prevent you from making a decision that would affect the rest of your life.” I agree. Counseling should definitely be included in any type of major decision that you will make in your life, particularly in marriage. Counseling is done for both parties in the relationship to fully understand the life that they have to face with their partners. I believe that whatever things have been uncovered during the counseling should not be considered reason not to get married. Think of all the things you discovered as building blocks for your relationship.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting. I do agree with you that whatever is uncovered in counselling should not be considered as a reason not to get married, but rather building blocks. For one I firmly believed that one should treat or handle their relationship as they would their marriage; just as divorce should not be an option and therefore one is willing to work hard to save their marriage so too should one not let every little factor cause them to end a relationship. Nevertheless, we must agree that their are some marriages that seemingly cannot be saved so too some relationships. The persons who are yet to get married are however in a better position to leave having not fully or legally committed to each other. Therefore, if someone, from premarital counselling, realise that factors came up that they just can't live with, I would advice, take some time to work on your relationship and see if there can be one and push back the wedding or move on with your life.
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