Wisdom in Relationship Conversation: 7 REASONS

It is very important that we exercise wisdom in seeking counsel about our relationship. Watch who you talk to. It is not everybody you grow up with or spend a lot of time with, you should talk to about your man. Even if the person is your friend for years. Here are the reasons why:

1. Relationship advice is a serious matter. It may mean the end of the relationship or the betterment of the relationship. If you trust someone to discuss your relationship with them, it means that you might just accept their advice which can be good or bad.
2. Not everyone wants the best for you. Some persons are quick to hear and quick to speak, not only to you, but the many others whom you might not even want to know your business. There are people who pretend that they want to help, when their only interest is gossip. Your business might just spread like wildfire and force a termination on a relationship that might have otherwise survive.
3. You can tarnish the reputation of your spouse and this is very serious especially with Christian couples. If you accuse your spouse of things such as cheating based on suspicions and you discuss this with somebody else, they do not need the evidence. All they need is the suspicion and before you know it, this is what will spread, "you see he playing Christian, he butting/bunning/cheating on his wife." I do not need to tell you how far that can reach. Be very careful who you talk to.
4. The persons with whom we discuss our business with, most times are not trained counselors. Their advice may just be based on their personal experiences and not the facts you have presented to them. If they feel all men are bad/cheaters, then the very essence of their advice will be centred around that. You may hear things like 'girl you can't trust man, I told you so, It is so men stop, They eyes long..."
5. You might not be ready to hear someone take the other party's side. You discussing your relationship does not mean you are right. After presenting the facts, the person from whom you are seeking the advice might just say YOU ARE WRONG. Are you ready to accept that?
6. Sometimes we choose to discuss relationship with certain people without thinking. I do not believe in seeking advice from your own family members about your relationships unless you have proven in the past that they tend to be fair. Again WISDOM. There are certain family members who even if you are dead wrong as we usually say, would not admit that to you. They might instead assist you in cursing or running the man and in extreme cases, beating him.
7. There are some persons out there who are waiting to see your relationship end, believe it or not. They might be your friends and the one who will give you the shoulder to cry on with a smirk on their faces. The same person who told you to dump the man, might just be the one who pick him up and laugh at you. Have you seen relationships where one friend left a guy and the other friend pick him up even though they were close? Don't you think at some point those two friends discussed the man?

Use wisdom in discussing your relationship with others especially if you are aiming for your relationship to last forever. If you are married, it is best you seek professional advice. If  you just need someone to talk to, be very careful who you choose, what you share and how much you share.

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My Wedding Day

At the reception

I was asked several times prior to our wedding and even while I was dressing on the day if I was nervous, but where was nervousness I did not. I even asked my husband if he was, every time the question was posed to me, but he wasn't either. We started to analyse the situation because nervousness seemed to be pretty normal at weddings. Could it be because we were busy planning? And then I thought, I was marrying my best friend, the person with whom I spent most of my days talking to and laughing with. For the first time in my relationships, I can be exactly who I was with no fear or favour and I was confident that this was what he fell in love with...Me! Was he the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with...ABSOLUTELY! So why get nervous? 

So on the day, I thought of looking great for my husband and taking his breath away in the dress he had never seen. I felt I had done justice to myself with the assistance of my make-up artist, hair dresser and nail technician. This was it. I was walking to the altar to cleave to the man that had made me happy over the past years, with no regrets, no uncertainty, no doubts. I fixed my eyes on him. Were there any other persons in the room? Of course, but I did not look to the right or to the left, for my husband to be was at the altar looking back at me and I smiled. He looked great and he smiled as he hugged my mom and took me away.

The day progress just as I as I would have loved it too, with smiles not only on our faces, but the rest of the bridal party and the attendees. He took care of me, holding my dress, helping me get seated and it was not new to him because he was always quick to observe when something was out of place on me and fixed it and I loved him for that, as he didn't have eyes only for himself, but his girlfriend who was now his wife. Thanks to the MC, our reception was filled with laughters and cheers and my only regret was that there wasn't enough time for everyone to get up and spend sometime dancing. But my husband and I danced, to a mixture of songs we chose, but never get to practise too :) From the song Santa Maria, though we free style what should have been a tango, to several other songs we dance in the most exciting way, as if it was only the two of us in the room. 

I remembered when my husband proposed, he stated that I came to Jamaica and stole his heart, but I failed to tell him that in touching his, mine was also captured. Would I do it again? Only if it is to the same man, the one who still have me today wondering if I am in a dream. 

Dedicated to Rahsaan Smith. May the Lord to bless us and keep us and cause his face to shine upon us. May he lift up his countenance upon us and give us peace always.

NO WHERE TO SIT IN KINGSTOWN!!!

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I love my island very much, but sometimes I wonder what the developers and urban planners are thinking? It seems as if the need for public spaces are not high on the agenda. Instead the little spaces that were once used are secured from the public. Have you gone to Kingstown lately and did some shopping? Where did you sit when you get tired? I guess you might have done like me and go to a restaurant, buy something to eat or drink and sit a little or go into a shoe store, sit and try on shoes until your back is well rested.

Outside of shopping, where in Kingstown can you sit and relax with your friends? I use to sit at the Old Carnegie Public Library, but I have noticed that it is properly secured from the public so that no one can get in there to sit. Maybe it is because it is viewed as a heritage site, but excluding the public in this way...I do not agree. Now Bank of St.Vincent, the new building off heritage square, placed a few benches in its vicinity, but when the bank closed the security personnel would be sure to inform you that if you are not using the ATM you cannot sit there. I have had my experience. It would be real nice if the capital, the busiest area on the island during the week, have some seats that persons can just relax from time to time. The situation is terrible. Is it an issue with finding space or improper planning? I wonder if the situation is the same with other small islands. 




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Dj Nicholas - Back To The Owner

SEASONAL CHRISTIANS: Is this about you?

This weekend is a long weekend in St.Vincent and the Grenadines because of our Carnival activities, a huge part of our Vincentian cultural activities and I respect it as such, but as a Christian, I have chosen to live a different lifestyle and so I do not attend carnival. Even the non-Christians will call me a hypocrite and lose respect for me if they see me at carnival because as far as they are concern, Christians should not be there.

Now over the years, it would seem as if the churches within my island have what I would call Seasonal Christians. During Carnival season, the church gets very scanty and at Old Years or New Years Eve (the night before the new year), you cannot find empty seats in the church and even the faithful ones have to give up their seats at times to accommodate the crowd. This crowd will be maintained until the early part of the year until close to another big activity like carnival. What is happening? Why is this so?

Now I know that St.Vincent is generally a quiet island, with little to no activities. I know many times we as Christians cry out for places to go and just have some fun, apart from beaches and gardens. So maybe, when these activities come up and the island becomes busy and excited and I would even add wild-up, as it  feels that way sometimes, Christians lose their way. Excuses are being made to go to the festival. Some says they are young and needs to enjoy life, others say they are only watching and what is wrong with that, while some states it is our culture. If you are on the right track, there would be no need to give excuses and moreover if you read the bible, you would realise all you have are EXCUSES. Even if you have rest your bible aside, then all you need to do is listen to the unsave. I am sure they will tell you, if not at that point, then right after the carnival when you feel the need to confess your sins and ask for forgiveness. Many times we point finger and say Judge not, but I can say this to you, if you continuously live a wayward life (in church today, out tomorrow), then your evangelism, a very important part of your Christian life, weakens.

I have friend/family who comes and want to go to the festival, I let them know that I would not be able to accomodate them with such. You know what I am doing...I am making a Stand! I am not perfect and I love my music. I loved my carnival and I love to dance, but also I love my Jesus and I prefer to stay on the outside and fight the battle of the fleshly desire, than to be a Christian only when it suits me.

Where do you stand? Be careful of the choices you make this weekend, it might just be your last. 

Addressing Hollywood: All the money, but little happiness

There is a saying that money does not bring you happiness and it is so true when we look at Hollywood actors and actresses. I am always saddened when I look at the faces of young actors, who are now grown up, but are said to be on drugs or have at some point attempted suicide. I asked myself, why are they like this? These persons spend a lot on therapy also and so my next question is, apart from  the high cost, what is the therapy doing? 

When I look at child stars, many of whom are home-schooled and have to be travelling vastly across the planet to be apart of various movies, how are their childhood develop? Most of them are children of other famous people, so do they really need to spoil their childhood to the degree that they do, spending more time ACTING than being real, finding who they are? How do they develop their true personality? Is that what the therapy is for? I have so many questions because although I am not rich, when I look back at my childhood I was very happy  amidst the poverty. I had fun playing dolly house, hop scotch, gun shooting and other games with OTHER KIDS. So sometimes I wonder, is the effect of acting throughout their lives resulted in them becoming adult before their times and for that reason most of them turn to drugs? Even some of the older actors cannot bear the pressures of their careers and other aspects of their lives as controlled by fame and wealth, it would seem. How much more the children whose childhood is lost in it?

Sometimes, these stars appear like caged chickens locked up in the world of acting, taking on different identities and when they are given a break to be them, they do not know how and like escape chickens, they indulge in parties and drugs in an effort not to think about their own lives, a live they cannot understand, a real identity they cannot find. Sometimes, many of us yearn to be in Hollywood, to become a part of the world of wealth and fame, but can we handle it? I believe that depending on the age that we start it, it may become easier, but with fame and wealth comes other issues. Look at how quick some marry and divorce. It would appear that only a few marry out of love and most is for convenience including publicity, therefore eroding the very covenant of marriage. I often wonder what it is like to be apart of Hollywood, not knowing who your true friends are, who are willing to stand with you if today you lost all your wealth, who are simply acting in your lives...you cannot walk the street freely without having some paparazzi with their cameras on you, little to no privacy even in your homes. Wow! And your children are exposed to it too. 

I watch a lot of movies so this blog is in no way saying to stop acting, but if I should advice, I would say to the parents of the kids, choose for them to be children over them being workers, because that is what they are when they begin acting. There time on the set should never hinder them from enjoying the freedom and happiness of simply being a child. To the adults, take a break. Paparazzi often find you because it seems that your every travel at time is an announcement and you have to go to a country or island known to have famous people. Take a vacation to a quiet little island like St.Vincent and the Grenadines and come alone with a small amount of spending money and leave your wealth at home. Come sit on a big stone at the river side and breathe  in some fresh hillside air. Take some of the money you pay to your therapist and visit my island to do the things that you hardly ever get to do.

The Marriage Syndrome

I saw an image on facebook recently with the words of Albert Einstein stating "Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.". It is something that I thought about many years ago before I got married and something I have observed in many relationships. You may not agree with me, but I would love to hear your opinion at the end.  

I have heard several men complained that their wives have changed and not for the best and also within a short space of time in their marriages. In what ways have they changed is normally my question? Somehow it is always related to their expectations of their MARRIED husbands and his failure to meet these expectations. Somehow they wanted their husbands to change from being a single man to a married man and they get upset and began NAGGING when their expectations are not met. Now before I got married, I looked at my husband and I knew he would make me happy and my only request was that he does not change and if he does let it be for the better and if it is not, let me at least enjoy some solid years in my marriage before any negative change come along :). Anyway, my question is, should there be a difference between the man you married when he moves from being unmarried to married? Should he stop liming or cut out his female friends and start acting like a married man, if you married him like that and if so why? 

Now I believe that if you have a single man who have a lot of female friends, love to lime and you married him, adding a ring does not automatically change his behaviour. A ring is just a ring...it is not a piece of magically equipment that transforms people. For that reason, I believe that before you get married, discuss the various things that you are not pleased with or would not be able to live with and see if there is any willingness to change or to compromise. Do not fear losing the man and force yourself to accept the things you do not like and after you got married and figure somehow he cannot leave you, you start to nag him about the things you were seeing all along. If it is the opposite and you never see these things and he changed on you, then I believe it give you some sort of grounds, but if you saw it before, isn't you acceptance of his proposal and going through with the marriage saying that you are in love with this person as he is and willing to live with him as such? Do not take anything for granted. There are too many divorces these days and the basis of these divorces sometimes is weird because you knew before you got married that the person was like that. 

If a man marry you and he never heard you complained about his behaviour before and now that you got married, you start complaining about the very things he was doing that you had no problem with, what is he to think and how is he to feel, especially under nagging? Ending it with "you are married now", what does that mean? A ring does not give power to neither man or woman, but as women we sometimes act as if it does and start demanding and in some cases commanding things and before we know it, we are divorced. My advice would remain, be careful whom you choose to be in your life and request your changes prior to the wedding (TALK) so that at least you can say after you are married that he knew you did not like this/that. As you go on in the marriage, things will come up that both of you might be expected to compromise with, but forcing changes on certain things that you were aware of prior to your marriage might just lead to divorce.