I have a way of looking to the bible in search of answers. Now when I think of the way of God designed things, two virgins were suppose to get married, keeping in mind fornication and other forms of sexual immorality is wrong. With that design, if while consummating the marriage sex was good or bad, I believe it might have been pretty hard to tell or if things were not as you imagine it, both of you would have to figure it out. There would have been nothing to compare it with. However, for those of us who read the bible or hear from it, you would know that sin came in and mess everything up. So today, there are a lot of young women and men who get married with much to compare. Now I am using sexual relations here as an example, but there are many other ways comparison may happen in a relationship and my question is, Is it wrong?
When you comparing relationship: Is it wrong? If your new b.f does not like cuddling, but the first one did, the new one does not have a car, or abs or can 'read your mind' and know how to surprise you...Comparison can take place on many levels: physical attributes, the way emotional needs are being met, wealth/riches and other assets, intellectual capacity and I can go on. Have you ever compared your spouses? Is it inevitable? I personally have compared and I also believe that once you have had previous relationships it is inevitable that you would compare. When I look at my relationship with my husband, I wondered what was wrong with me when I was there trying to make those 'nonsense' relationship work. So sometimes we advise people, look at the facts and if God is trying to get you out of the relationship go with the flow, better must come, that is how God moves. Still I ask, is it wrong and if it is when is it wrong?
My opinion...Why do you compare? Your answer to that question I believe would determine whether comparing is right or wrong. Are you simply enjoying your present relationship so much so, like me, you are wondering what was wrong with you? Or are you creating extra burden in your present relationship because your new spouse is not doing certain things right and the previous one use to do it so much better? Moreover are you letting the present spouse know his limitations not simply through your dissatisfaction but through your comparisons so much so that you are bruising his ego. Do you really think doing this will help the relationship? Remember to, you do not have to call the other spouse name for the present spouse to know that you are comparing. Is he/she stupid? For example, if you keep saying why can't you buy a car, every minute we have to catch bus, I am not going anywhere, I am not taking public transport...He knows that your previous spouse had a car..what do you think will cross his mind? There, you got it. In cases like that, where your comparison is straining your present relationship, GO BACK TO YOUR PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP, SURELY YOU WERE QUITE HAPPIER.
But again this is just my opinion...What do you think? Is comparing relationship wrong or right? Have you ever experienced it and how has it affected your relationship?
thats Wrong with 100 wwws,sometimes we wish the present bf had this,look like this etc because the ex was good at it and it worked.and sometimes this hinders our relationship because the present bf or gf thinks that they cant live up to what use to be and some ppl break up over things like this,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you...I see it happening all the time and persons do not realise that their present relationship is suffering because of that. It is like you want a test tube guy or woman but you can never have it all so there will be certain things your ex use to do that you like but your present do not do, that gives you no reason to burden/stress the man or woman for that.
DeleteOnce you have something to compare with or some one you will compare. Its a human thing. When you do it outloud and persist with it, therein lies the problem
ReplyDeleteI agree,it is all in human to compare. You couldn't stop it even if you try. There will always be something that you like about an individual that you may not find in another. You have to know what is important to you, what do you really need (not want) in a relationship and keep your comparison to yourself.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you guys. Once you have been with another person you are going to compare. It is always good, if the person you chose after is soo much better so that all you are saying to him/her is things that would build them. However, there are times when one or two things might be lacking that you wished you had as in your previous relationship. I agree with the hold idea of KEEPING IT TO YOURSELF. Not every person has developed the art of getting their spouse to do something different without bruising their ego or undermining them in the process.
ReplyDeleteWhen you set standards, you compare who you have with the standards, not your previous lover. So sorry to say but I think most people who compare their relationship are those who are not too sure what they really wanted before and go in sampling and seeing what they will like or may not like.
ReplyDeleteMy thing is: know exactly what you want, compromise but dont settle and set standards.
I love the whole idea about setting standards, but I also believe once you have a previous relationship you would compare. I just dont think it should be something that you stress your present spouse about. Sometimes when I looked at my relationship with my husband and how happy and relaxed I am, I get upset with myself for every tear I cried for those Bozos I was involved with, some of whom never deserved me in the first place. You are right though about setting standards and choosing someone who fits those standards.
DeleteCompare is a strong word. Of course you will analyze all your relationships. I personally believe everyone is different. Also, wants change at different stages in life so i dont look back. Perfect example, when I was younger I never liked cuddling. As I get older, I got to love it. So I wouldnt compare a woman hating cuddling then, to one loving cuddling now simply because my taste change.
DeleteWhat is funny about all this though is an experience I had. I had a woman in my life who constantly compare herself to my previous lady by asking questions like "she use to do this and that?" and saying "You would not have done that if it was such and such'etc. then turn around and say i comparing her. smh.
:) Yes, there are some ladies who are like that. They want to hear that they are better so in an effort to get that information they asked those silly questions. Comparing may be a strong word, but you would never hear persons say they are analyzing their relationship, what you would hear is the word 'compare'. It is good you start to like cuddling though :), many females do enjoy that lol
DeleteComparing is the right word. U analyze first then compare. The word not too strong. When you say things like, ' u r not as romantic as my ex'. What is that? It is comparing. U have already analyze it in your head.I don't think there is anyway to get around it. You always compare. whether your bf is better than 'the other', you would still compare to say well as you said Jasmine,' he is better'. So now you are relieved that you hadn't made a bad decision. Therefore it is humanly to compare. It is not wrong. It is wrong when you experiment to see who's better than who.
DeleteI so agree with you.
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