Me Want Chicken

A man walked into a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant in Jamaica and "passed out" on the floor. People gathered around to help him by fanning and doing everything they could to help him regain conciousness. 

Someone peeled an orange and started squeezing the juice into his mouth, whereupon the man suddenly came back to life, pushed the person away and yelled, "Luk yah man! If me did want orange, me woulda fall down in 

de market."

Only A Jamaican....

 There were three men from the Caribbean living together in London;  a Trinidadian, a Barbadian and a Jamaican who were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.  However, upon coming close to a posh restaurant they came up with a plan. 

          The Trinidadian went in first. After being seated he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal the waiter came by with the cheque. 

          "But I paid you!" the Trinidadian shouted. 

          The waiter was very confused as he could not remember being paid, but as he did not want to cause any trouble...he let the Trini leave. 

          Five minutes later the Barbadian walked into the restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine.  When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for food. 

          "But I paid you!" The Barbadian shouted. 

          This time the manager came and had to calm down the Bajan, and as he did not want anything to upset the other customers he let the Bajan go. 

          Ten minutes later the Jamaican walked in, sat down, lit a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu plus two Red Stripe beers.  After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal and before asking for it, the waiter said, "Sir... I have been having a sort of problem all day and I can't understand it. Other people like you came in earlier and ate and they said that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them, so........ 

          Before he could finish, the Jamaican chimed in loudly "Hear mi nuh boss, that ah fi yu problem...jus gimme mi change!" 

Devil...Wife...Same Ting!

Sunday morning in Bronx, New York. The church is packed and the devil decides to pay a visit. 
The doors burst open; a black cloud rolls in with the devil in its midst. People jump out of the pews and run outdoors, screaming - all except for two people. One is the Pastor, the other is a Jamaican. 

Satan is a bit perplexed. He points to the Pastor and says, "You! I can understand why you didn't run away, you are in your Lord's house, you preach against me everyday and you aren't afraid of me. 
But YOU (points to the Jamaican), why didn't you run out scared like everyone else?" 

The Jamaican crosses one leg over the other and replies, "See one, see de other! I been married to you sister for 36 years!"


http://www.jamaicanjokes.com/viewJoke.asp?JokeId=2&catid=2

De Crotchless Panties

This Jamaican woman felt that her love life was slipping because her husband had no more interest in sex. While shopping one day, she passed an adult shop and saw some crotchless panties, so she decided to buy one and try to use it to excite and seduce him. 


That evening she took a long bath, put on a favorite perfume, and then she put on a sexy negligee and her new crotchless panties. Then she slithered into the room where her husband was watching TV as usual. 


She stands right in front of him, with one foot resting high on the ottoman, negligee wide open, and whispers "yu wah some a dis?". 


Her husband looks up at her wide-eyed and says. "No sah, yu mad, yuh nuh see wha it do to yu panty

Who looks better? Asafa Powell versus Usain Bolt :)

So a big part of who  I am is my wit and humor. I really do love to laugh so whenever I spot a joke I often share. Just saw this video and figure I should post it.

Go get yuh madda

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Go get yuh madda (Go get your mother)

A boy and his father from rural Jamaica were visting America for the first time.


The first time they went to a mall, they were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.


The boy asked, "Ah whaddat, daddy?"


The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "Son, mi nevah see nuting so inna my life! Mi nuh know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, sexy 19-year-old woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, says quietly to his son, "Bwoy... Go get yuh Madda!

Breed har again

I found this poem and it is funny, but I believe also it is very serious. Read and tell me what you think:

Breed har again (Breed her again )

A 17 year-old Jamaican girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for the last two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the pharmacy and buys a pregnancy test. 


Confirming her worst fears, the test result is positive. Shouting, swearing and crying, the Mother says, "Which rass man do dis to you? Mi need fi know now!" 


The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a BMW X5 pulls up in front of their house; a dapper looking man dressed in an Armani suit steps out and walks to the house. 


He sits in the living room with the father, the mother, & the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the situation. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs & provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. 


Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $2,000,000 bank account. He continues: "If a boy is born, my legacy will be a factory and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" 


At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and very decisively tells him, "You can breed har again ..."